Body Memories
by SilentCynara
Summary: After Xiaolang returns to Sakura in Tomoeda, he is taken and cloned. Sakura turns to the Dimensional Witch for help, and encounters his clone, who changes their lives forever. Spoiler alert for TRC up to 188-read notes/disclaimers please!
1. Chapter 1

**What The Heart Forgets, The Body Remembers: Body Memories**

**Summary**: _Right after Syaoran returns to Tomoeda to be with Sakura, he is taken by Fei Wong Reed. Sakura turns to the Dimensional Witch for help in finding him, and encounters his clone. Uses characters from Cardcaptor Sakura, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, and XxXHolic._

**Disclaimers**: 1) I do not own the Cardcaptor Sakura or Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle or XxXHolic characters, although I sure as hell wish they existed!

2) This is my first fanfic, so a little help would be wonderful : )

3) TRC manga and OVA (The Magician's Message) spoilers, so if you don't want to know what happens, please skip this fanfic

**Warning**: 1) If you are 17 and below, the story will require some situation you may not want to read for sexuality and violence

2) I've tried to keep to the canon CCS/TRC but please forgive any deviations :)

**Notes**: 1) I've used the Chinese "Xiaolang" to refer to the Cardcaptor Syaoran, who takes the place of the real Syaoran in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, and "Syaoran" to refer to the clone in TRC. Real Syaoran in the TRC stories has not yet been clearly connected to Syaoran of Cardcaptor Sakura in the manga by CLAMP, but theories and good arguments about this possibility have been raised in many fan group discussions.

2) "Sakura" is the original Cardcaptor, and the Princess is used to refer to the TRC Sakura.

3) Hearts go out to **Pipi-chan** for being so kind!

4) The reason for this revision is because I just saw the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles OVA "The Magician's Message" and was blown away by the reminder of Fay's role in the whole business : )

**Prologue: A Broken Hourglass**

_**"You mean we're together forever from now on?" Sakura tilted her head up to look into Xiaolang's copper eyes, darkened with his love for her.**_

_**"Yes," he smiled, and they embraced each other tightly. When they let go, Xiaolang was smiling one of his rare smiles, and he reached down--he had grown several inches taller in the year they had been apart--and tilted Sakura''s chin upwards so that her lips could meet his.**_

Around them, pink petals fluttered daintily to the ground, and a soft breeze fluttered. As they kissed, they were blissfully oblivious to the young woman watching them wistfully.

_**Chapter One: Cold Comfort (Sakura)**_

A tear slid down her cheek, and the scene faded before her.

The Return card regained its corporeal form and stood before the young woman whose bottle-green eyes wavered under her tears. Sakura choked back a sob, smiled, and reached out to pat the little card on the head. Memory's eyes sparkled with sympathetic tears. Her Mistress was still carrying the pain of having been torn from Li Xiaolang so soon after they had finally had the chance to be a real couple.

Though she had tried to use Erase to forget, and nearly destroyed the card in the process, nothing could take away that awful memory.

_**Interlude: Hope Shatters**_

_How cruel that the sun was mild and peeking playfully through the clouds that morning. After their first kiss, they walked to school together for the first time, holding hands and kissing occasionally, light little smacks which were sweet and playful. Though it was unspoken, the promise of the future buoyed them with joy. There would be so much time for more kisses, more hugs, more laughter. And eventually, though only Xiaolang knew it then, loving._

_But all that was shattered after the black androids appeared from voids that suddenly appeared in the space before them and snatched Xiaolang from her._

_Oh, they had fought back. And how. Xiaolang's reflexes, always faster than hers and sharpened by the intensive training he'd undergone in Hong Kong, allowed him to draw his sword and cast several lightning spells, all the while using his body to shield Sakura and buy her time to cast her Sakura card spells._

_Though she knew it would cost her, Sakura quickly released Time. Freezing the moment would give them time to flee or to decide what to do. As the card took effect, her knees shook, but she drew on her new reservoir of strength, something that had sustained her as she was changing the cards from Clow to Sakura cards._

_Incredibly, the androids were unaffected, and they ignored her next spell, Fiery. As though sensing what was at stake, Fiery, always an aggressive card, snarled and launched a vicious attack, the full force of its fury into its attack on the androids advancing on Xiaolang, who was firing off lightning bolt after bolt, shattering a few androids. Sakura then cast Shield before them both, and prepared to use Flight on both herself and Xiaolang._

_But they kept coming, overwhelming the young pair with their sheer numbers. Even Xiaolang's last-resort fire spell and Sakura's desperate attempt to Shield them crumbled, and the last thing Sakura heard from Xiaolang was his anguished cry of her name as he was pulled into the void._

_Above her she could hear the flapping of two pairs of mighty wings. Yue and Keroberos, both too late to help her, could only pull her away from the wreckage of the battle. Someone was screaming Xiaolang's name over and over, and Sakura never realized it was her._

"Mirror!" Sakura cried. She had long since mastered the ability to summon her cards without her star staff, and Mirror appeared before her, quickly melting into Sakura's image.

"No," Sakura whispered. "Be him for me. Please."

And the ribbons in Mirror's hair faded as they shortened into thick, unruly locks of dark brown. Next came an upturned nose, copper eyes, a crooked smile, tanned skin, lithe muscles, and a long, lean frame. Mirror was now a young adult Xiaolang, and Sakura curled up in his arms.

It's still wrong, she thought. That comforting scent of tea and pine which Xiaolang always exuded was not there.

But she looked up into the false Xiaolang's eyes, and allowed herself to believe he was there. She raised her lips to his, and they met in a kiss that reminded her of autumn, falling pink petals, and teddy bears with wings.

Sakura found herself arching against the false Xiaolang, wanting something she couldn't define. And the false Xiaolang could not give her more than this cold comfort, because it could only do what she wished it to do. How, then, to explain the fluttering sensation in her stomach, the strange need for skin on skin? She slid her hand beneath his shirt, and then stopped, because she did not know what to do next.

She pulled away, and softly bade Mirror to return to its true form.

**Interlude: The Magician Dreams, Too**

He had dreamed of Sakura again, the innocent girl with golden hair who so resembled Princess Sakura, who wielded a power which was her own. Though it could not change worlds the way the Princess' could, it could change hearts.

_**And hearts can change worlds**_, Fay thought.

Fay opened his eyes, and was instantly grateful that he slept with his face down, because he had awoken with tears.

He thought of the boy who did not ask to exist but who was forcibly created from another, and of the girl who loved that other, but who would have nether.

And he hated himself a little more for the role he was going to play in their young lives- a role he likewise had never asked for.

_**Why is it always the innocent who have to pay?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 (Revised Version)**

**Fragments: Aftermath and Prices to Pay**

_**Five years ago for Sakura**_

"Have something to eat, Sakura," Tomoyo offered a disheveled, red-eyed Sakura. Keroberos restlessly paced the room, and Yue stood like a statue by the window.

"I can't. I failed him, I couldn't save him," Sakura whispered. "I failed him. I couldn't save him." Over and over.

Tomoyo realized that the time had come for tough love. Sakura had been crying for several days now, and Tomoyo knew her best friend needed to gather her strength to find Xiaolang. She braced Sakura from behind. "Stop crying, Sakura," she said in an eerie echo of Xiaolang's best advice to Sakura. "Keep your head on straight. There must be someone we can talk to who can tell us..."

"Eriol!" Yue burst out suddenly. "Call him now!"

Tomoyo grabbed the phone next to the couch, and quickly began to dial, mentally chiding herself for not having thought of it sooner.

"I'm afraid I don't know what's happening, Sakura-chan," Eriol said gently. He'd caught the first flight to Tomoeda with Kaho, Ruby Moon, and Spiniel Sun. "I must admit I am quite upset at the thought of something happening to my descendant."

Suddenly struck by a memory, Sakura grabbed a pen and drew a rough bat-shaped symbol on a pad.

"This was on the uniforms of the androids," she said. "Do you recognize it?"

Eriol took the pad from her, then audibly gasped.

"You are going to need the Dimensional Witch's help," he said."

As Eriol completed the spell that would transport her to the Dimensional Witch ("Yuuko," he'd said was the name), Sakura disappeared in a bubble of light.

But left inside the circle for the spell were Yue and Keroberos, both looking dazed and confused.

"Why?" Keroberos demanded. "She is our Mistress! She cannot undertake this journey alone! She is young, and we are sworn to protect her."

Eriol stared into the misty smoke left behind by the spell.

"It seems she does not want you there," he said quietly.

"Not Sakura!" snarled Keroberos.

"I wasn't referring to her," Eriol said mildly.

As the smoke cleared, Sakura saw an incredibly tall, pale, beautiful raven-haired woman watching her with ancient eyes.

"Sakura Kinomoto-san." It wasn't a question.

"Y-Yes."

"I am Yuuko. Your wish is to find Li Xiaolang and bring him back," the woman said.

"Yes! Can you help me? Please help me save Xiaolang!" Sakura begged.

"Only you can help him...and yourself," Yuuko responded. "Have you any idea of what this will cost you?"

"I will pay the price," Sakura said firmly.

"Only fourteen..." Yuuko said thoughtfully. "Are you sure?"

Sakura made no response, but her eyes shone with determination. No more tears.

"You will need to make several payments. Your journey is going to be terrible, moving across worlds. Then you may have to free him when you find him," Yuuko said.

"Do you know where he is?" Sakura asked.

In response, Yuuko held out a hand, and a dark-haired, bespectacled boy handed her what looked like a round, black stuffed toy. A rabbit? Despite herself and her terrible situation, she found the creature cute.

_Now is not the time!_ she chided herself.

The crimson gem on the creature's forehead began to glow, then an image of Xiaolang appeared. Clad in a black singlesuit with long tails, one eye and his heart were covered. He floated, seemingly asleep, in a chamber adorned with odd arcane symbols. Red tattoos marred his skin in a pattern of confinement Sakura recognized.

"He is now the prisoner of a terrible dreamer who will stop at nothing," Yuuko said. "And what's worse is that he's been cloned..."

"No!" Sakura cried.

"Xiaolang is being held captive by a man called Fei Wong Reed. They needed him to create the clone Syaoran, who is the guardian of Princess Sakura."

"I don't understand," Sakura said. "Syaoran?"

"It's the Japanese form of Xiaolang's name, as I'm sure you know," Yuuko said. "Multiple worlds exist, and versions of you and Xiaolang are on all of them. But the reason why Xiaolang was taken was because he's the only one who is a direct blood line descendant of Clow Reed himself. Magic works better on a clone made from superior genetic material. Plus, he is outside the scheme of things, being a creation rather than a soul born naturally, and so Syaoran can be controlled by his creator. But there were some things Fei Wong Reed could not have predicted."

The gem on the black creature glimmered again, and Sakura watched as a boy--Xiaolang? No, it was Syaoran--lay on a rock outcropping with...

_**With her. Another her! Tears rose to her eyes as they gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. Xiaolang's...no, Syaoran's...eyes, the deep chocolate color she had loved getting lost in, held that special look he only gave her. Another her who held Syaoran's hand tenderly and said, "Syaoran-kun, I lo..."**_

_**Loud bells ringing startled the pair, and the scene dissolved. **_

_**They were underground. The Princess Sakura, a glazed look in her eyes, knelt before Syaoran, opened some hidden chamber, then suddenly sprouted large, beautiful wings. Before she could float away from him, Syaoran, in a burst of speed, climbed up to reach her and caught her in his arms. A flurry of feathers flew from Princess Sakura...**_

"What were those?" Sakura turned to Yuuko, who replied, "Her memories, and her heart. Each feather contains the power to change a world. Fei Wong Reed created Syaoran from Xiaolang, and placed the clone where he could become friends with Princess Sakura. You're the Card Mistress, gifted with incredible power, but the Princess possesses a power Fei Wong Reed needs to make his dream come true. The clone has become the beloved of the Princess, and he worships her. Fei Wong Reed needs something from the Princess—he needs to use the power none of us can understand that resides within her. Thus his pawn must be very, very close to her."

_**...and it was raining. Syaoran, an almost lifeless Princess Sakura in his arms.**_

_**"Yes! Can you help me? Please help me save the Princess Sakura!" Syaoran begged.**_

_**"Your price...is your relationship with that girl," said Yuuko. "What is she to you?"**_

_**A long pause. Not a sound from the other Sakura. Syaoran closed his eyes tightly, almost as though he were crying.**_

_**"She is..." and Sakura could almost see scenes flashing across his eyes, "my childhood friend, and a very important person to me."**_

_**"Even if you return all her memories to her, she will never remember your previous relationship," Yuuko warned.**_

_**"I don't care," Syaoran replied swiftly. "I will never let her die."**_

Again, the scene changed.

_**With a powerfully built warrior, a handsome young mage, and a white version of the creature in Yuuko's hands, the clone Syaoran began his travels to retrieve feathers for the Princess. After he had returned the first two of her feathers, when she regained consciousness, she asked Syaoran, "Why are you doing this for a stranger?" And he walked out into the rain, standing there for hours, letting the rain take away his tears. **_

Sakura watched, knowing how he felt. And in her heart, she guessed at the reason why she had been shown this.

_**Because Xiaolang's memories of me have probably somehow been removed as well**_, she thought. _**I'm being prepared for more pain.**_

Then something struck her. "How come the clone is fully grown?" Sakura asked. "Xiaolang was taken only a week ago."

"Time moves differently on different worlds. One day, one hour here could be an entire lifetime somewhere else," Yuuko replied. "See, as the Princess, travel, they do not age according to time on the worlds they came from. Time only moves when they are on a particular world."

Sakura watched as Xiaolang's clone grew stronger. She watched as he learned to fight, and how he suffered when, on the verge of remembering who he was, the Princess fainted and lost her memories of him again. When the Princess Sakura regained consciousness, she did not recognize him as her childhood friend, only as her traveling companion. She could not understand why she could feel the clone's pain. _**He's not even human, and he was torn out of my Xiaolang. How come I feel better knowing they gradually grew closer over the course of their travels?**_

A burst of lightning streaked across the sky and ended the projected scenes. Sakura was startled to discover that she was weeping openly. Even in another world, their love had been thwarted, then.

Yuuko waited patiently for Sakura to collect herself. She didn't have long to wait.

"I will pay the price," Sakura said firmly. "What will it take to save Xiaolang?"

"You will need to travel dimensions to find him," Yuuko said. "First, you will have to give up your staff. Then you will have to find the spell to restore Xiaolang's memories of you, as they have been removed from him. For that you will have to find three of that Princess' feathers in the worlds you go to. And you will have to search them out alone."

"I'll do anything!" Sakura's words were wrenched from her.

"You must understand," Yuuko's voice took an urgent tone. "I will grant you the power to cross dimensions, as you are, after all, the Mistress of the Sakura cards. You have already paid the part of the price: your loneliness."

"What do you mean?"

"Look around you. Your two Guardians are, and will not be, with you. You will not be able to return home to your father, your brother, and your friends, until you have Xiaolang with you.This will be a long, terrible journey full of loneliness. And you will have to learn so many things without Xiaolang or your Guardians to guide you. This is because you will have to perform a terrible spell to restore memories." Sakura nodded, her mouth set in a firm, determined line.

As Sakura handed over her star staff, Yuuko said, "And you must know something else. The clone Syaoran is searching for the feathers too, on his own. It is likely that you two will meet once you have captured a feather, and that meeting will not be pleasant."

"I don't understand. Isn't he with the other me, the Princess?"

For the last time, the little black creature projected a scene of the clone. He was bent over the magician. Sakura thought he was administering to the magician when Syaoran straightened up and took into himself something bloody. What was that?

She retched when she realized that he had removed one of the magician's eyes and taken it into himself. One hazel eye gleamed, then turned the brilliant blue the magician's eyes had been.

Then Sakura saw the clone fighting someone who suddenly appeared. Xiaolang! He was telling his clone Syaoran, "Since you still are wild and uncontrollable, not having a heart of your own, I must eliminate you."

But her Xiaolang was protecting the Princess, who begged him not to kill her "Syaoran-kun". Distracted, Xiaolang turned an eye towards the Princess.

That expression, Sakura thought. She recognized it. It was how Xiaolang always looked at her.

_**He's in love with her! **_Though Xiaolang accused the clone, saying that "this feeling that the Princess is your most important person comes not from my heart but yours!" Sakura knew otherwise. A tear slid down her cheek.

The clone took advantage Xiaolang's distraction by running his sword through Xiaolang's right thigh. Sakura screamed.

She turned to Yuuko in confusion, and Yuuko gestured at her to keep watching. The clone, who had returned a feather to the Princess, now stood over the her, refused to hurt her, but even as she clung to him and begged him not to leave, he looked at her blankly through cold, mismatched eyes, then disappeared through a portal.

"Why did you show this to me?" Sakura demanded.

"That clone is attracted to the presence of feathers, and when you begin searching for them, he will surely find you...and perhaps try to destroy you to retrieve whatever feathers you have. Do not make the mistake of thinking he is your Xiaolang."

Sakura fell silent. But the Dimensional Witch was not yet through.

"Also...When the clone was created, Xiaolang managed to give his right eye and part of his heart to the clone. Xiaolang was then wiped clean of all memories of you. Since he has watched through the eye of the clone Syaoran, he thinks he has fallen in love with this desert Princess. He was here just before you, and he paid a price in order to go after the Princess Sakura and his clone. That is yet another price you have paid: you must win him back again, and restore his memories of you in the process."

Sakura felt her heart sink. So he had forgotten her, and worse, fallen for another.

But she held her chin up, and said, "Now, please teach me the spell to move between worlds."

**(Interlude 2: In A Dream)**

As they often did, Yuuko met Princess Tomoyo in her dreams to discuss the fates of the traveling group of Princess Sakura, Syaoran, Kurogane, and Fay. Yuuko told the Princess about Sakura arriving to ask for help in finding Xiaolang.

"Just as I dreamed," Princess Tomoyo said sadly. "It is in motion, just as Fay predicted. That poor girl is in this through no fault of her own, for a love she cannot even have."

Yuuko nodded, and a companionable silence fell between the two. After a while, Princess Tomoyo spoke.

"Was it wise to tell Sakura about the clone?" Princess Tomoyo asked Yuuko.

"Do you still believe he has a heart of his own"

"Look at the Princess Sakura," said Princess Tomoyo. "Her heart fled with her feathers, but she still learned to care for Syaoran. It might have been better if you had not let her see how Syaoran was before he fell completely under Fei Wong Reed's control."

"It was the only kindness I could give her," Yuuko replied. "You know what Syaoran is going to do to her, after all."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: My apologies for taking down the originally posted Chapter 3. I needed to make several crucial revisions. Thank you for coming back : )

**Chapter 3 (Revised Version): The Source of His Strength (Xiaolang)**

For Xiaolang, though seven years had passed, and he still had the nightmares.

It would have been easier had he also been allowed to keep the memories of a golden-haired girl with bottle-green eyes, laughing at him, making him blush. He'd spent his first days in the crystal chamber keeping his mind on Sakura, and attempting to wake up from the perpetual dream in which he had been trapped.

But when he was taken out of his prison, he was immediately restrained, with chains and with magic. A force was holding him down, and Xiaolang could only watch as Fei Wong Reed made another him. He used the last of his strength to place half of his heart and exchange one of his eyes with the clone.

_**He has to grow his own heart**_, Xiaolang thought desperately. _**And if I can watch through his eyes, then perhaps I can undo some of the damage he is destined to do.**_

Xiaolang had, and could not imagine, the kind of damage the clone would do. Taken from Xiaolang, directly descended from Clow Reed himself, like his captor, his clone could be shaped and controlled to do incredible things. He only prayed that he would have the strength to break free when the time came.

"He's conscious," a cold, deep voice rumbled. "He's using his memories to strengthen himself for escape. We can't stop his escape, but we can take away that which gives him strength. Give him no reason to escape. I want the boy Xiaolang wiped of all memories of Sakura Kinomoto."

_**No!**_

"It will be done," a soft voice replied.

Images began melting in Syaoran's head. Precious memories began to whirl, blending into one another. Sakura became younger, then she was the little girl he'd met. Xiaolang desperately summoned up the image of his laughing, beautiful Sakura, and watched it fade as he sank into a dark slumber.

And he woke up. His clone was a young boy, with growth accelerated to ten years of age..._**the age he'd first met Saku...**_

Met who? The memory fluttered away, and he didn't feel inclined to pursue it.

Through the eye, he watched as his clone, now named Syaoran, learned how to fight from a master named Seishiro. He read the same books his clone read, and traveled through the clone's blind eye wherever the other boy went. And he fell in love with the Princess Sakura. He sensed a strange ambiguity in Syaoran's part of his heart, and wondered at how Syaoran could resist such a wonderful girl.

Whenever Xiaolang had romantic thoughts of the Princess Sakura, so did Syaoran. "It's natural," Xiaolang thought. "Half of my heart is his." He rejoiced that he could still feel, that he could laugh when the mage Fay tossed around silly nicknames for the ninja Kurogane, or when little Mokona pulled his little pranks.

And when Syaoran was asleep, Xiaolang would test the strength which was slowly ebbing back into him. Simple spells allowed him to keep gazing through the clone's eyes, but lately, as Syaoran and the Princess traveled across worlds, he was alarmed to discover how he was occasionally losing control over the clone.

The part embedded in Syaoran's psyche which allowed Xiaolang's captor Fei Wong Reed to control him was beginning to assert itself, breaking Xiaolang's hold on Syaoran and forcing Syaoran to ignore pain.

Xiaolang discovered something else; he was losing control over himself as well.

Some nights, when the clone watched the Princess sleeping, or received little kisses from her, Xiaolang found that he was responding. "The body always remembers, even when the heart forgets," ran through his head. Who had said that? A swelling began somewhere in his loins, something he did not understand, could not control, but it was delightful, and the only pleasure he could remember feeling...aside from the touch of a girl's lips on his...wait, how could he remember? He'd been in this prison for seven years!

And suddenly, Xiaolang felt that his time had come. He reached out a hand; his vision was returning, and he knew he was now able to cast a spell that would break his crystal prison wide open.

I will save you, Princess Sakura, he thought, and he drew strength from the image of the Princess' face to break his prison.

**Notes**:

Pipi-chan, my usual thanks to you : )

To my readers: I know this is short, which is why Chapter 4 follows immediately afterwards.

By the way, the idea of the Real Syaoran in TRC being the source for Clone Syaoran is not an original idea of mine. It's been floating about in online discussion groups for some time now.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's note: **__I had to revise this after rereading Chapters 110-120, and seeing the TRC OVA "The Magician's Message". Hence a warning: spoilers here._

_Also, Clone Syaoran and Sakura meet immediately after he faces off with the real Syaoran for the first time. Since his travels are unaccounted for, I figured this would be a good place to put my timeline in. I'm definitely bringing the Dream World/Nihon storyline in here : ) _

_Yes, yes, I deliberately echoed CCS Sakura and Syaoran's first meeting. Couldn't resist! At least no one interrupts here._

_Any help with details, comments, etc would be appreciated. Thanks : )_

**Chapter 3: Destiny Interferes**

_**This is a pleasant world, **_Sakura thought, as she wandered in the shade of several large trees, their spreading branches creating a cheerful canopy in which small birds sang out of sight. She gave in to the impulse to lie down in the thick, soft grass, and happily released all the Sakura cards to play. Idly she wondered if there was somewhere nearby where she could do laundry; she had her last pair of clean pants on.

_**Xiaolang would have loved this place**_, she thought. But she pushed away the thought. She was getting better at it as time passed.

The Princess' feather could wait. In such lovely surroundings she could forget what brought her here, even if for a while. After all, she was but nineteen and deserved a few moments of forgetfulness; she had been traveling for five years now. Besides, she already had one feather safely tucked away in her backpack.

Sakura had grown into a small, slender young woman. Her pixieish looks were gone, replaced by a hauntingly beautiful face. Her long golden brown hair, normally bound up in a braid, flowed free over her shoulders. Though she was no longer as cheerful as she had once been, her irrepressible optimism allowed her to bear the rigors of her travels and meet a few new friends along the way.

She reflected on how she had spent the past five years moving through dimensions, never staying long in one. Sakura never knew where she was going, as the spell she used was quite random. It helped in keeping her from being followed, but when she landed in a place with permanent darkness, she didn't appreciate it at all.

On the first world she had visited, she had eventually learned how to cast spells from her cards without her star wand. Later, Sakura added a crucial new spell to her repertoire: one of healing.

As the years passed, Sakura only had her memories to sustain her. Though she tried to cling hard to them, memories have a way of fading, and she was beginning to give in to loneliness.

It was when the cards began flying back to her that she was alerted to another presence, and she leapt up, ready to cast a spell. When she saw who was coming, her eyes flew open wide.

**It can't be! **Sakura nearly dropped her guard as a handsome young man, about eighteen or nineteen, the age Xiaolang would have been had he accompanied her, strode towards her. He stood a head taller than her, had tousled brown hair and dull eyes, and was clad in a torso-hugging black tank top and cargo pants covered with a worn brown traveling cloak. His clothes were torn, as though he had been in many fights, and there was blood spray on his clothes. When he got closer to Sakura, he pulled out a sword with a purple hilt.

_**It's not Xiaolang,**_ she moaned silently. She would have known Xiaolang's bronze-hilted sword anywhere, the one he summoned from a red-tasseled charm. This one used a different stance, holding his sword with both hands in front of him instead of with one hand raised to shoulder level the way Xiaolang did. And he covered his hands with dark leather gloves.

_**But it has to be him! **_Trusting to her eyes, she made a mistake—one Yuuko had already warned her about many years ago—that would cost her dearly; she failed to cast her protective spells. She could not attack the one who resembled her beloved Xiaolang so closely, not now that she had finally found him after five lonely years.

"Give me that feather," he said. Sakura shivered; it was a deep, cold, and cruel voice. "I collect feathers and destroy those in the way. That is my purpose."

Sakura shook her head, and backed away.

The false Xiaolang lunged towards her, with a cold and cruel expression in mismatched eyes which matched his voice. Sakura gasped. A long-ago warning finally came to her mind. _**He's the clone Yuuko warned me about!**_

He kicked out, and though Sakura managed to dodge the worst of a blow that could have crushed vital organs, she had the wind knocked out of her. She was barely able to gasp, "Mirror!" and her double flew out to distract the false Xiaolang. Ignoring the pain as best she could, she picked herself up and scrambled for cover under the trees, healing herself as she ran.

She didn't have much of a head start as the false Xiaolang slashed his way through Mirror, which dissolved back into a card. Behind her she could hear his strides, unhurried, since he could take much larger steps. Sakura realized frantically as she tried to cast Dark and failed, that with an incantation, he had just dampened the field of magic around her.

Sakura was seized roughly from behind, and spun around to face her pursuer. She couldn't help it; she cried, "Xiaolang, don't!" She was hoping against hope that this just might be him.

He ignored her, pinned her to the ground, and began a search of her pockets with his gloved hands. Sakura whimpered in fear, then began to fight back. His response was to pin both her hands down more firmly, as if she wasn't even there. Then he began to search roughly under her clothes. Sakura tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. His arm brushed her bare stomach, and he froze.

Suddenly the blank expression left his eyes, and he shook his head as though to clear it. "W-Where am I?"

Sakura looked up at him. Gone was the terrible blank expression; instead, the clone was looking down at her with a confused, but gentle expression on his face. She sensed that the danger had passed for the time being.

"I'm not sure either," Sakura began tentatively as Syaoran looked around wildly. "Um, you're hurting me..."

He finally focused on her, and gasped. "P-Princess?" He released his grip on her and looked down shyly. "I am very sorry!"

"Princess? Me?" Sakura repeated. Xiaolang had never called her that except once, in a school play, Sakura remembered, with a painful tug at her heart.

But somehow she couldn't remember all the details of that play. Why?

"Are you Xiaolang?" she asked hopefully.

He stiffened. "Princess, please. I'm Syaoran. Why are you calling me Xiaolang?"

"Uh. That's because I'm not your Princess." Against all common sense, Sakura was slowly losing her fear of him. "I'm Sakura Kinomoto."

Syaoran turned bashfully to her. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

He sat up and moved discreetly away from her. He kept sneaking glances at her, and she at him. Sakura began to see the little differences between Syaoran and Xiaolang. Syaoran's face bore a gentler, more open expression when his eyes weren't blank. He looked just as intense as Xiaolang always did, but he seemed more willing to break into a smile. His body bore many scars from what battles, she could only guess. Yet the scars did not make him look rough or dirty, as he bore them with the dignity of a warrior. And his voice! Xiaolang's voice, while similar, was often harsher and more clipped. Syaoran's voice was pleasant and always sounded like he was about to smile.

Syaoran was doing the same thing. The Princess was delicate and innocent, just as this Sakura was, but he sensed an inner core of strength, and a power he did not understand, but which he could appreciate as being very different from that of Princess Sakura. Also, her eyes were a darker green than those of the Princess, and sadder. Her hair was longer, and curled into ringlets Syaoran found himself wanting to touch, to twirl around his finger. He almost smiled, but he instantly chided himself for thinking only of himself.Her eyes carried sadness for a reason, and he would find a way to ease it for her.

Presently he spoke.

"Pardon me, but...you're not the Princess Sakura I know. I think you're Sakura from another world. Yuuko-san mentioned this to us at the beginning of our journey. It's just that I never expected to meet another Sakura myself," Syaoran said.

"She mentioned that to me too," Sakura said thoughtfully, "something about how people could be living completely different lives on different worlds while sharing a single soul." _**I don't know if that applies to clones though, **_she thought.

Syaoran whipped around to face her. "You know the Witch-san as well? How? Why?"

"I paid her a price..." Sakura's voice trailed off.

"Why?" He looked at her with compassion in his eyes, and Sakura hesitated. Was this a trick?

No, he had stopped hurting her, and he was genuinely sorry. He was, in fact, the gentle Syaoran she had seen in Yuuko's projections, before the terrible transformation took place.

"I lost someone I loved most," Sakura said. Syaoran started at this. "Someone...took him, and removed all the memories he had of me, and I had to find him."

So that was what happened to her. "I am sorry for your loss," he said kindly.

So polite! So different from the serious, occasionally grouchy Xiaolang she knew, who smiled only for her. But Syaoran looked like he was suffering, and he was thinking deeply about something as well.

"He...he looked just like you, my Xiaolang," and her voice trailed off.

A long, quiet pause. Both were clearly wondering how much could safely be said, and how.

"Tell me about him," Syaoran said gently, sensing Sakura's need to talk about someone he suspected was him from her world.

"He was Chinese. From Hong Kong, really. We met while I was capturing the Clow Cards, and," she giggled softly at the recollection, "he didn't seem to like me at first. But he was always by my side, even when I was forced to convert the Clow cards into Sakura cards."

"Clow cards..." Syaoran said thoughtfully. "The Princess and I come from a land called Clow."

Sakura had not heard him. "I thought I was in love with someone else, but he was always waiting, always protecting me...He tried so hard to tell me what he felt, always getting interrupted...and then when we captured that last card, we captured it together. We turned Void into Hope, together. We even had a little spell we...we...used to cast together before he was gone."

"What happened?"

"The day after we...one day, these black things just appeared and took him away." _**To make you**_, she added silently. "And I've been looking for him ever since, for the past five years."

_**At least I had the Princess with me in my travels**_, Syaoran thought, then felt a stab of pity when he realized that Sakura had been searching for all those years completely alone. She continued. "Part of my payment is to return things to...to your Princess, and so I've been searching for them."

Syaoran saw her turn away from him to hide tears, and he had to fight back his own. Had their positions been reversed, would his Sakura have braved what this one had for his sake, searching alone in worlds she did not know?

He didn't know, and it hurt that he didn't. Why were those memories of his fading?

He shook his head to clear his presumptuous, preposterous thoughts. He had no right!

But he couldn't help but feel for this Sakura, who was so open, innocent, and vulnerable, yet so determined to fight for the one she loved.

_**Just like me.**_

He knew she needed to keep talking, and so he asked, "Xiaolang? That's the Chinese version of my name."

"You know Chinese?" Sakura was startled, then she said, "I forgot. You're an archaeologist."

"You know that about me?" Syaoran raised his eyebrows, and Sakura blushed.

"I know that you're the cl...I mean, I know who you are," she said after a pause. "I've seen you before."

_**What had she almost said? **_Syaoran wondered, but he decided not to press her for it. "Seen me before?"

"I saw the bargain you made with Yuuko-san," Sakura said. "And I know you have...another self. I think you know this as well."

_**She knew about his possession, then. **_No point in lying. "I don't understand it myself," Syaoran said. He proceeded to explain how he came to as an orphan without any memories, and how he had been adopted by Fujitaka-san in the country of Clow. Sakura started.

"My father's name is Fujitaka as well, and I became the Mistress of the Clow cards, which are now the Sakura cards," and she began rooting through her backpack for a photo of her father and brother, and showed it to Syaoran. Now it was Syaoran's turn to give a start.

"He looks like my father! And Touya-sama is also the Princess' brother in Clow," he said.

"Is he mean like my brother?" Sakura warmed to the thought. Finally, someone to talk to about her family! "Touya onii-chan keeps bugging me about having been born on April Fool's Day."

"April 1? That's my birthday as well, I mean, the Princess said it was."

"What a coincidence!" Sakura said.

Syaoran turned his mismatched gaze on her, and said softly, "Witch-san said there are no coincidences in the universes, no chance meetings, only meetings for a purpose," he said.

**Interlude: So Many Questions**

The black Mokona bounced around next to Yuuko, full of questions.

"So they've met? And they've discovered their many similarities? Why are they responding so well to each other? I thought Syaoran would attack her so why didn't he? Why did they like and trust each other so quickly? Does this have something to do with the whole 'body memory' thing you keep talking about? Answer me, Yuuko, aw c'mon."

Yuuko merely smiled, and continued watching Syaoran and Sakura.

"But...but...it doesn't make sense. Why didn't Syaoran come back to himself when the Princess Sakura touched him after the real Xiaolang came back, I mean, she was holding his hand! Yet all this Sakura does is touch him once and BAM, there he was right back to who he was? Yuuko, tell me, tell me!"

Yuuko smiled. "You ask too many questions you already know the answer to."


	5. Chapter 5

(Author's notes: 1) For Sakura only five years have passed so far. Time has moved differently for everyone; Xiaolang's been trapped for seven years, Sakura's been searching for five, and Syaoran has just been separated from Princess Sakura, Fay, Kurogane, and Mokona.)

2) The flashback is adapted from the translation of the MSN Tsubasa Group of Chapter 120, and is not mine. I've changed the sequence of Fay's thoughts to fit this story : )

3) I already know how this will end, but the whole thing in the middle is what stumps me. Please message me or review if you have the time to help and I can send you the plotline : ) thanks!

4) Last reworked chapter. Sorry for the weirdness : )

**Flashback: A Borrowed Heart, A Really Good Boy**

"**It isn't even human,"**_** Kamui said curiously. **_**"You suppressed that side of it for all this time? Using your own magic?"**

_**Fay made no response, careful not to think of the power which he knew Xiaolang had used to control Syaoran and suppress Syaoran's evil nature. And of how he himself decided to give the boy a chance because of a dream in which he saw that the boy would have his own heart someday, and would deserve a chance to fight for what was most precious to him. He kept his thoughts carefully on Kamui.**_

_**Kamui took this for agreement. He smiled mockingly. **_**"Well, then there's probably a heart in it then. A second-hand heart."**

_**You're wrong, Fay thought. Even if it's a second-hand heart, he who receives it makes it real. Out loud he said, "That's where you're wrong. Syaoran is not an 'it'. He is…a really good boy."**_

_**A whirling maelstrom of magic alerted them both to the arrival of Xiaolang. Fay realized that when this happened, that part of Xiaolang's heart in Syaoran would return to its rightful owner, and he quickly began a spell to prevent the transfer. **_**The boy has made that borrowed heart into something precious; it must not disappear!**

_**But he was too late, and Syaoran, with a cold and greedy expression on his face, advanced on him.**_

_**Then there was darkness.**_

**Chapter Five: Revelations**

They had been talking for some time. Talking and sharing stories of their lives relaxed them both, until Sakura realized something.

"Why do you have these memories?" Sakura asked suspiciously. "You're not supposed to have any."

When he turned an anguished look on her, she was instantly sorry. He ran his hands through his thick, messy brown hair, and bowed his head for a while, turning away from her.

"Sorry," she said. "Listen, I'll just go get my backpack, okay?"

"I'll go with you," Syaoran said. They walked in companionable silence, and as she slung her backpack on her, he started when he sensed something on her.

"You have a feather!"

"I? Oh, yeah. Yuuko-san asked me to collect three of the Princess' feathers and to return them to the Princess when I was done. You already asked me about the feather earlier, remember?"

He did not reply; instead, a low moan had escaped him. Sakura realized that Syaoran was clearly struggling against something. His eyes had flown wide open, and while one hand flew to the side of his head, the other was reaching for his sword. Syaoran's gaze was going dull again, and said in a cold monotone, "Give it to me. I am in search of those feathers. And I will not stop, no matter what. I destroy all in my way." And he began to draw his sword—but he was slow, so slow.

This time she was ready for it. Sakura propelled herself backwards and screamed, "Shield!"

Syaoran shook his head, and she saw that his eyes were returning to their normal colors, though he had bitten his lip and drawn blood in the process. Yuuko had mentioned that he was under someone else's control, but she hadn't mentioned that the young man was also fighting against that control desperately.

_**When I touched him…when I touched him earlier, he snapped out of it**_, Sakura thought. _**Will it work again now?**_

She removed Shield and touched Syaoran on his bare arm. With a gasping breath, he came to himself.

Silence. Nothing except Syaoran's heavy breathing. He swiped at the blood on his lower lip, and closed his eyes to regulate his breathing and calm down. Sakura quietly offered him a sip of water from her canteen, and he took grateful gulps.

Syaoran then looked at her apologetically. "I am not completely in control of myself. I black out a lot. If you choose to leave, I will do my best not to follow. In fact, I think you should leave me. Please. Before I hurt you too."

His apology inspired Sakura to take a gamble. "I can try to help you control yourself, if you're willing."

It was Syaoran's turn to be suspicious. "Why would you want to help me? I...I think I'm a monster!" Sakura started at those words. He was looking down at his hands in revulsion. "I...I don't know what I've done, and somewhere in my head something is summoning me," Syaoran said.

"The last time I remember seeing the Princess, Kurogane, Fay, and Mokona was I fought that vampire who told me…told me I was bait. He said 'he' might awaken if my blood was drained. I have no idea who 'he' is—unless it's that other me I've been seeing in my dreams.

"And I think I hurt Fay. Badly. I feel...Oh no!" Syaoran groped in his cloak, and pulled out three pink and white feathers from his pocket, all encased in a strange transparent globe.

Syaoran started up, and looked at Sakura with his eyes beginning to go blank, the blue one going pale faster than the brown one. Clearly struggling with himself, he began running wildly away from her. Sakura, now realizing that she was able to keep him sane, put on a burst of speed and ran after him.

"Syaoran! Stop! I can help you!"

He suddenly stopped, and drew his sword. But he stood there, frozen. "R...Run..." he forced out from between gritted teeth. Syaoran began to convulse. "Run!" he practically screamed as he tried to push her away from him.

"No! Come back! Fight it!" Sakura tightened her grip on his hand while grabbing his wrist with her other hand to try and force his sword arm down.

Syaoran felt the blankness began fading from his eyes. With a visible effort, he forced down the hand which was about to deliver a blow with the sword, and began to sag against Sakura. She was reminded forcibly of the time when Xiaolang had attacked her when he was controlled by invisible strings, back when they had been changing the Clow cards to Sakura cards. Xiaolang had been forcing down the same hand in the exact same way Syaoran was. The effort of trying to prevent himself from attacking her had also worn out Xiaolang, and as Syaoran collapsed against her, exactly as her Xiaolang had, he uttered the same words: "I'm all right."

At these words, something snapped in her, and she began to scream. "How can you have that memory and not remember me? You are my Xiaolang! You _**have**_ to remember me! You have to! You said you loved me!" She balled her fists and began pounding them against Syaoran's chest, releasing all the pent-up misery of the last five years.

Surprised, Syaoran opened his eyes. What memory was she talking about?

"You said you would never leave me again!"

He abruptly realized she meant _**her**_ Xiaolang. Something about what had just happened, then; he must have done something Xiaolang had also done. Quickly Syaoran racked his memory, rifling through the stories she had told him about herself. Nothing came to him as an answer. _**So what did I do to remind her of Xiaolang?**_

_**Never mind that! Look at her, she's going to hurt herself if you don't stop her! **_He gently captured her hands in his; she was pounding her fists on him so hard that she was beginning to hurt herself. Sakura was weeping and screaming hysterically, and Syaoran realized that if he did not comfort her now, she might lose herself completely. He understood how her years of isolation could slowly chip away at her spirit, and so he gave her the best human comfort he could offer her now.

Folding his arms protectively around this familiar stranger, the Sakura who was not Princess Sakura, Syaoran bent his head to nestle against hers. He was surprised at how easily she fitted into his embrace, and how he did not blush or pull away from her in shame. It felt like she belonged there.

Sakura calmed down as soon as his arms were around her; though she still wept, her sobs were slowing down, and he felt the flow of tears ease.

_**I want to keep her safe**_, Syaoran thought. _**I don't ever want to see her cry again.**_ Then he stopped himself. _**How can I be thinking these thoughts? Didn't I go on a journey for the Princess' sake? Did I not given up the things which were most important to me because of her?**_

But this Sakura clearly needed him more right now. And, he suddenly realized, the Princess' face was beginning to fade in his memory, almost as though someone else owned those memories and was taking them back. Nothing made sense except the golden-haired girl in his arms.

"Don't cry," Syaoran crooned softly. "It will be all right."

Though Sakura did not register exactly what he had said, she responded to the gentle, familiar tone, and her sobbing soon subsided into occasional hitchings of her breath. Syaoran reached down to stroke her light hair as she cried against his chest. He held her tenderly until the sun lost its heat, and she fell asleep in his arms.

_**Why am I taking all these liberties with her?**_he wondered, just as he bent down to brush her lips with his. _**And how come I know what to do?**_

_**That's wonderful**_, thought Sakura, who was slowly waking up. Syaoran took her lower lip between his own, cradling it gently, savoring how sweet she tasted. She responded by catching his upper lip between hers, and when he slid his tongue into her mouth, she accepted him gratefully.

The kiss was firmer, deeper than Xiaolang had ever kissed her, and she found herself responding. She moaned Xiaolang's name softly as he moved down to kiss her neck, her nape, and twined her fingers with his. But not in the way her first boyfriend had, with care taken to capture all her fingers inside his. Or was that it? She was beginning to get confused; the longer the kiss lasted, the farther the other boy receded in her mind.

_**This is not Xiaolang! What am I doing?**_Sakura opened her eyes, gasped as she met Syaoran's blue and brown gaze, and sat up, startling Syaoran, who jumped backwards.

"I...I am sorry!" He turned away from her, embarrassed by his own boldness.

"No, I should be sorry," she said, not looking at him. "I should have stopped you, and not used you...not called you by his name..."

Syaoran turned and planted a finger on her lips. "No. Don't say it, please. Don't let them haunt this,"

Sakura asked, "And what is 'this', then?"

"I don't know," Syaoran whispered.

Quietly, he gathered her back into his arms, and they sat that way until Sakura shivered from the evening cold. Syaoran noticed, stood up to gather firewood, and bent down to strike a flint. He looked up to see Sakura watching him with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Don't you know the Fire spell?"

"Me? No, I can't cast spells, but I have a guardian spirit of Flame. Why?"

"Oh. It's just..."

And it dawned on Syaoran that Xiaolang was a mage in addition to being a martial artist and a swordsman...and the one this girl loved enough to cross dimensions for, all alone. He was shocked to discover that he was suddenly jealous of how this other him, Xiaolang, could make him feel like a lesser person. _**How can this be when I just met her?**_

"Um." Sakura was clearly trying to say something without offending him. Syaoran tried to put her at ease by saying, "It's okay, you can be open with me."

"Earlier...when you, er, chased me down...you spoke an incantation and prevented me from casting spells. So I..." her voice trailed off, and she blushed.

"I guess it's that part of me—the monster--that I don't know," Syaoran frowned. Sakura decided against pursuing the idea, and instead, she lit up the twigs with Fiery, as he watched her intently.

"How much do you know about me...that other part of me?" he asked.

Sakura weighed her words carefully. "The other you is nothing like you. Your eyes go blank, and it's like you have no feelings in you at all."

He looked thoughtful. "That explains the times I blacked out and Kurogane-san became suspicious of me." He turned to Sakura and asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me? I am not in control of myself, and I can be violent."

Sakura looked away before replying, "Despite what you think, I think you have a soul and a good heart. You're just...a victim of someone controlling you. You can fight...you _**must **_fight. And I will help you."

And when she smiled at him, Syaoran knew that he would never be the same again.

**Interlude: Plans Gone Awry**

Fei Wong Reed frowned in anger. Suddenly, he could not see the clone, and coming so soon after Xiaolang's escape, he knew it was no coincidence. He could only see flashes of Syaoran attacking someone, but the boy's vision was blurred. How was that possible?

_**That witch**_, he thought. This wouldn't be the first time she had interfered. But the foreboding he felt about the clone would not leave him, and he momentarily regretted killing Xin Huo. He needed someone he could trust to find the clone and who he was with.

He could have asked Yuuko, who was watching with Princess Tomoyo as Sakura and Syaoran met. Princess Tomoyo's dreams had suggested that Syaoran would "destroy Sakura's heart". She and Princess Tomoyo had taken the dream omen to mean that Syaoran would attempt to kill the girl; that possibility would open up another way to break Fei Wong Reed's control over him. But this new development was more disturbing. Words weren't needed as a glance passed between the two powerful sorceresses.

Syaoran was going to break poor Sakura's heart.

"Don't you think she's suffered enough?" Princess Tomoyo asked in an anguished tone.

Yuuko's tone was chillingly cold and logical. "It's not what I think that matters. It's what's going to happen that will."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: The Wolf and the Blossom**

Syaoran and Sakura agreed to travel together, to cooperate to collect feathers. Sakura surprised herself, though, by making a bold suggestion.

"How about if we explore this country for a while?" she said. "Seeing as how it's so nice and pleasant?"

Syaoran's eyes widened. He'd never done that before. Always, he and his late father had worked. Not that he minded; only the thought of just wandering around was a new concept.

Sakura was looking at him expectantly.

"Er, sure, why not?"

"Not like we're in a hurry anyway," Sakura said cheerfully, and she smiled. If she'd asked Syaoran right then to go exploring worlds forever, he would have said yes.

She frolicked in a brook the next day, and he helped her do laundry afterwards.

"We have to do something about your clothes, you know," Sakura said. "Someone might think I did all that damage," and she giggled.

Syaoran blushed as he looked at his torn clothing. "I guess you're right. But we haven't seen anyone else, and this is our second day here. We haven't heard anything but birds and a few small animals. No predators. No humans."

"Well, I doubt there are that many worlds where there are no people. Let's keep going."

As they walked, her cheer rubbed off on him, and when she pointed out things she found amusing, he found himself agreeing. Finally, they came to a tiny village where they managed to barter for new clothes for Syaoran.

"I'm afraid it's not Tokyo high fashion," Sakura giggled as he put on a plain white cotton shirt and slacks, "but you look nice."

Syaoran grinned a bit. "I have no idea what you mean but I think I know."

Sakura was busy taking stock of their new supplies, which had been placed in a coarse sack which Syaoran insisted on carrying. "The sewing supplies will help, and the food and herbs we got will keep us going until we find the feather."

Syaoran's heart sank. They were back on that topic again. He braced himself mentally for another attack from within himself, but nothing happened. He looked up and saw Sakura watching him.

"It isn't easy, is it?" she asked sympathetically. "You mentioned this happened often?"

"Only after the Princess and I started our travels. My dreams were always the same: there's this man who is me, he always is calling out to me, telling me he will come for me and eliminate me if I am wild and uncontrollable. I don't know what it means."

Sakura would never know why she decided to tell him the truth. "I know why. He's Xiaolang. He was taken from my world, remember?"

"I figured as much after we started sharing stories. But what does he have to do with me?"

"When you see him in your dreams," Sakura said slowly, "what does he look like?" 

"Exactly like me...well, no, but it's like looking in a mirror."

"That's because...I think you should know this...you were cloned from him."

Syaoran reeled backwards, as though he had been slapped.

"I'm sorry," Sakura said. "But since you keep fighting with yourself, I thought of all the things I learned about you in the past. I think you were rigged with a compulsion to find feathers by that Fei Wong guy, given that you said to me, while in that state, something about 'I will stop at nothing' or whatever it was. But I also think you have been fighting him all the way. I mean, you fell in love and all..."

"Ought to be expected from someone who was created to collect what belongs to someone else," Syaoran said dully. _**I can't decide what's worse; am I a monster, or am I just a puppet? **_

"Please," and he felt Sakura's hand slip into his. "I told you because you deserve to know, to make your own choices. Back home, I remember how angry my Guardians, Cerberus and Yue, were when we were manipulated by Clow Reed's reincarnation. I think everyone deserves to know things that affect how they choose their steps towards destiny," Sakura said.

Syaoran and processed what she had just said. It seemed like the only sense in his insane existence came from this girl, who had reached out to him and saved him from the loneliness of his battle with himself.

"Thank you," he said. "We've only known each other a few days, and already, you have helped me so much." And Syaoran smiled; it was a relief for him to smile, it felt like he hadn't done so in years. And when she smiled back, his heart felt a little warmer.

As they explored the world they were on, both of them were careful to stay within touching distance, afraid of what would happen if the other strayed too far away. Sakura knew that Syaoran accepted the agreement because she could help him stay in control of himself, keeping that other side of him buried, and Syaoran knew that Sakura needed his companionship and ability to teach her how to fight. And of course there was also the undeniable attraction between them; neither saw a reason to resist it, but both decided to proceed carefully.

Sakura was the first to playfully bestow a nickname on Syaoran in order to avoid calling him by the name that was uncomfortably close to Xiaolang's own. "You are the odd-eyed wolf," she dubbed him one morning after he had begun to teach her how to fight with a sword.

"What?" He paused as he took off his shirt to mop up his sweat. Sword-training was never easy, and both he and Sakura had suffered small scratches and bruises as a result. But when she had clumsily managed to wallop him a good one with the flat of her sword, he was surprised when he didn't feel the blow as badly as he thought he would.

"You can take a lot of damage, huh?" Sakura said admiringly. She giggled, then she saw, really saw Syaoran. He was wet with his own sweat, holding his shirt in one hand and ruffling his hair with the other. The muscles on his arm rippled with the movement, and they were lithe, not bulky. She trailed her gaze over his strong shoulders, his chest, his abdomen, and the small line of hair trailing tantalizingly down from his belly button to the area under his pants...she gasped, then blushed, because she had the sudden urge to use her hands to follow the path her eyes had taken, and taste his skin.

"I meant, what did you say earlier? What you called me?" Syaoran repeated curiously as she turned to hide her blush.

"Odd-eyed wolf. Can I call you that?" Sakura said, managing a smile to cover her thoughts.

He laughed. "Go ahead," he said, "so long as I can call you 'Blossom'."

"Sure," she said, then she hefted her own sword again. "Break is over. Come at me with all you have!" She was enjoying the easy relationship she had with Syaoran, with few blushes and uncertain stammerings. He made her feel comfortable, like a best friend.

_But since when did I want to kiss my best friend so badly? _she wondered.

"I won't go easy on you, Blossom," Syaoran grinned. "It's the only way you can learn."

"You think a little pain can stop me, Wolf?" she playfully hurled back at him, then she had to dodge quickly when Syaoran, an intense expression on his face, slashed downwards so hard he cut off part of her sleeve.

She failed to resist the impulse to retaliate, and clumsily tried to hack at him, wasting her energy with cries of "Haaiii!"

"Concentrate, Sakura!" Syaoran yelled. "Don't play! A real opponent," and he parried one of her weak thrusts, "would not leave you an opening, or let you get away with sloppy footwork!" Because she was rooted to the spot, instead of letting her movements flow with her sword.

Sakura raised the sword over her head and tried to slash wildly at the side Syaoran deliberately left undefended to bait her into the mistake. Syaoran blocked it easily, and brought up the blade, intending to graze Sakura's hair as a warning.

But she was slow...too slow, making the mistake of trying to read his face instead of his movements, and before he could stop, the force of his attack drew the blade against her cheek. Sakura cried out in pain, dropping her own sword.

"Oh God no!" Syaoran dropped his sword and grabbed Sakura, pulling her close to examine the damage. The blood was flowing fast from an ugly gash, and he cast the healing spell she had taught him the other day. It stopped the worst of the bleeding, but when he cleaned the blood off her cheek, he moaned when he saw that his amateur ministrations had left behind a small scar. "No!"

"I...I'm all right," Sakura said shakily, and struggled to her feet. To Syaoran's horror, she tried to giggle, and winced at the pain in her cheek. "Guess I deserved that for being so careless."

"No, you did not," Syaoran said firmly. "Please forgive me. I should've taken your skill level into account. This is my fault for letting you unsheathe a blade you weren't ready for."

"No it's not!" Syaoran was taken aback by Sakura's firm tone. "You were right when you said that I had to learn to defend myself without magic."

"Nonetheless," Syaoran said. "I am sorry." Inside he was berating himself for marring her beautiful face. His thumb traced the line of the freshly healed scar, and he kissed away the last traces of blood before he realized what he was doing. Instinctively, he sought out her lips, as though he had intended to do that all along, and caught her nape with one hand to draw her closer.

Sakura, for her part, spread her palms open against his chest, giving in to her earlier impulse. Her hands were like fire to him, and he reveled in the sensation as she traced circles across his flesh. Syaoran moaned when she grazed his nipple with her fingers, and wrenched himself away from Sakura's lips. With something like a growl, he began to kiss his way down her throat, and she arched it backward to accept him. His hands worked on her shirt, almost ripping it off her in his eagerness to touch her.

Somewhere at the back of her mind, Sakura knew she should be resisting Syaoran. He was not, after all, Xiaolang, and they hadn't known each other for long. But when he touched her, when he looked at her, when he did even the smallest of kindnesses for her, she felt them even more intensely than she ever had when Xiaolang had done the same things for her. It didn't make sense. So she responded the only way that made sense: by giving herself up to Syaoran completely.

Then her breasts were bare, and somehow he had lost his trousers. Where were they? It didn't matter, Syaoran thought, and they fell to the grass in a delicious tangle of limbs. He played with her nipples with his fingers, alternately rolling them between thumb and forefinger, and suckling on them. He groaned when Sakura's exploring hands found his manhood, causing it to harden almost painfully, marveling at the miracle of how she freely gave herself to him without fear or reservation.

And that was what cleared Syaoran's mind. How could he take advantage of Sakura, having known her only a week? Could he make love to Sakura, who was clearly a virgin, when he wasn't the man she truly loved?

_This is not right. I cannot force myself on her._

Sakura felt Syaoran stop, and she opened her green eyes to meet his intense amber and sapphire stare. He was looking at her with love aching in his heart, even if he did not understand it yet. Wordlessly, he picked her up and carried her closer to the fire he'd built, pulling a thick woolen blanket over her after he laid her down on his cloak.

Before Sakura could give in to feelings of despair and rejection, Syaoran crawled under the blanket next to her, and pulled her into a spooning embrace. She could feel against her back that he was still aroused, and guessed at what it had cost him to stop making love to her. He was silent, his lips pressed against her nape, and his panting slowed to a steady breathing.

"Blossom," Syaoran said abruptly. "I'm not going to take you in lust." He paused to turn Sakura around so that he was looking straight into her bottle-green eyes, astounded at his own bravery._**I was never like this before**_ he thought._**I couldn't even pluck up the courage to tell the Princess I loved her, and here I am making love to this girl I think I know, but whom I only met a week ago!**_

Was it that other side of him coming out? No, that was not it. Sakura inspired honesty in him.

Huskily, Syaoran said, "My Blossom, let me make love when we both know that we really care for each other. You tell me when. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to love you right now. But I want your--no, our--first time to be something that's special. For both of us. Just us, no one else." He felt his cheeks burn; God, why was he acting like a ten-year-old now, of all times? "Does that make sense to you?"

Sakura smiled when she saw Syaoran's cheeks redden. Always so polite, he was a wonderful blend of power, strength, and tenderness...yet with none of the awkwardness and hesitation of Xiaolang. She pushed the thought away and focused on the odd-eyed boy in front of her, who held her gently in his arms, who had denied himself pleasure so that she could have more time to figure her feelings out.

Syaoran drew strength from her smile, and they both reached for the other's cheek. He rubbed his nose across hers, and she giggled.

"Thank you, Wolf," she whispered, "for being so kind."

**Interlude: The Sands Begin Flowing Through The Hourglass**

"I thought he would be unable to resist her," Princess Tomoyo said. "She is beautiful, after all."

"It proves he's fallen in love with her, that he is willing to wait," Yuuko said.

Princess Tomoyo looked triumphant. "I told you that he had a heart! It was impossible for Syaoran to be under Xiaolang's influence and to have half of Xiaolang's heart for so long without developing his own. It was just a matter of finding the right trigger."

She looked over at Yuuko, who looked grave. "I don't think Xiaolang had anything to do with this, save for having set things into motion. And I fear that this means things will go faster from here," Yuuko said. "Fei Wong Reed will be wanting to know why he's lost control over Syaoran, and he will spare no power source to regain control of the clone. Their time together will be bittersweet."

A pause, then Princess Tomoyo said, "He is still able to ignore pain. Is that something left over from his other self?"

"No. That truly is one of Syaoran's strengths, something he has that Xiaolang does not. It means his heart is strong. Furthermore, it means that he can bear more pain in his heart than most people, and you know this is crucial to our plans--a stalwart heart."

"He can't have a heart without a soul," Princess Tomoyo said.

"Yes. The one to save us from the dream has to go through much emotional pain, and he may the only one who can bear the weight of many worlds."

"So Fay was right, after all."

"Yes, and that makes it worse."


	7. Chapter 7: Memory's Fading Glimpse

**Body Memories Chapter 7: Memory's Fading Glimpse, Fortune's Fools**

_Hello! Sorry for the long wait for an update but I was resolving several problems with continuity. _

_I decided to keep the original draft because the revisions were taking longer than the continuation, and I figured the continuing story would be of more interest to my readers. _

_I would like, however, to point you in the direction of __**"A Calamity of Fools" **__by__**Admiral Godunov**__, an amazing TRC fanfic which details the story of Real Syaoran and the Princess. I bow to him, and I can't imagine writing that story better than he has :) So please read that too, because I have chosen to focus on Clone Syaoran and Sakura instead. It's their story which is alive in my mind, and which I have already finished (although I am still polishing and editing, so please give me some time to update again). _

_Thanks for the reviews (I sure would love more!) and a special thanks goes to __**Lord Archive **__for the help given re continuity, details, etc. I hope I can address some of them here._

_So, disclaimers: I don't own CCS and TRC. The love scene here may not be for everyone but it is necessary to my plot, so if you're not into that, please stop reading. If you choose to read on, a review would be appreciated. Thank you:)_

**Title taken from a card in the awesome game Vampire: The Eternal Struggle**

_**(Kahlil Gibran) **_

_Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation._

0-0-0

Despite the strange circumstances they found themselves in, Syaoran and Sakura found themselves becoming friends. Though they did not speak of it, both realized that the more time they spent together, the more their first loves faded in their memories, and both knew that the other was the reason for the fading.

They slipped into the habit of sleeping together, literally, spooned perfectly against each other. Syaoran told himself he was protecting this girl, but after he saw a demonstration of her powers, realized she was more adept with magic than he ever could be, and so he cheerfully continued training her with the sword and hand-to-hand combat.

And at the back of his mind was a premonition that she would need his training soon; for what, he did not know.

Neither had spoken of their lost loves, as if in agreement, and they found that they enjoyed each other's company quite well. Sakura came back to her old cheerful self, and Syaoran began to smile constantly at her, and even laugh, especially when Sakura began to play little pranks on Syaoran such as changing the color of his hair or hiding to scare him into searching for her.

The darkness in their hearts began to lift as Sakura and Syaoran also began to learn more about each other. Some nights they would spend snuggled together around a fire, either in companionable silence, or telling each other stories about their lives. Syaoran no longer flinched when Sakura mentioned Xiaolang; she in turn stopped feeling jealous when Syaoran spoke of the Princess.

They finally made the first haphazard steps towards searching for the feather on the world they were in, the presence of which Syaoran could sense. But they did not speak of their reasons for gathering the feathers, and it seemed for a while that they were merely exploring the world instead of actively seeking feathers out.

Sakura was delighted to learn that Syaoran made a wonderful tour guide. He could identify various animals, explain how rocks weathered, and tell her why certain customs prevailed. Some days he would fall asleep exhausted simply from her questions.

For Syaoran, being with Sakura no longer felt like a betrayal of the Princess, and when Sakura finally revealed to him that Xiaolang had taken Syaoran's place by the Princess' side and was now traveling with her, he felt a strange relief.

Because Sakura had become a refuge for him. She made his mind go quiet, and with her, he could forget many things: the pain of his past, the torture of knowing he was a monster when the other him was in control, and the shame of knowing he was a pawn in some greater scheme. Things were bearable because Syaoran knew Sakura knew all these things, and accepted him regardless.

When they finally found the feather in a strange mist-covered area, it flew over to Syaoran once they reached it. Sakura discovered that the reminder of how the Clow cards had chosen either her or Xiaolang once captured did not sting her heart as painfully as she thought it would. For his part, Syaoran was surprised when he realized that he no longer felt the urgency of collecting feathers, and that it had been many days since he had dreamed of the Princess.

Another thing Syaoran had realized was that the "other" side of him had not taken full control of him since that first day with Sakura. When they found the feather, Sakura was worried that Syaoran would lose control the way he had when he first discovered that she was carrying a feather, but Syaoran fought his possession down by keeping her hand firmly in his own.

But he was so very tired afterwards. He collapsed right after he finished turning his mismatched eyes back to their normal colors, and Sakura ran to cradle his head in her lap. Instinctively, he reached out for her, wordlessly needing her soothing presence.

As she sat there with Syaoran lying in her lap, Sakura thought hard. Since their near-consummated encounter some time ago, she had decided that she could not hang on to what seemed like a lost hope now of finding Xiaolang.

She missed Xiaolang terribly, that was for sure. But the thorn which used to prick her heart every time she thought of him, something she thought had been embedded in her heart for eternity, began to hurt less and less since she had met Syaoran, the kind, gentle young man, who lay gasping for breath in her arms now, who was turning his back on his own nature just to be with her.

He fell asleep, and she stroked his hair as he slept. _**I wonder what he's dreaming about? **_Sakura asked herself, right before she drifted off to sleep as well.

0-0-0

_Syaoran awoke to see himself holding a sword, with the Princess cowering beneath him. In her arms was Xiaolang. Syaoran discovered he was unable to control himself, then he realized he was watching from a distance._

_He looked around. Where he was, was nowhere; they were all surrounded by a shapeless, formless swirl of darkness that nonetheless let him see what was going on. In the distance, another boy, with dark hair and glasses, watched them fearfully._

**I've been taken over again**_, he realized with dismay as he watched the scene. He had sliced open the Princess' upper arm, and was threatening to kill her if she refused to let go of Xiaolang. _

_Then someone parted the darkness and charged at him. _**Sakura!**_He screamed her name in the dream, but no one heard him. She summoned her sword and charged him. Tears burned his eyes when he saw how coldly he attacked her, and how easily he brushed her aside..._

_...and sank his sword into her heart._

0-0-0

"NO!" Syaoran woke up retching; his head hurt, and he began to scream Sakura's name over and over, only to realize that she was beside him, weeping as well. They clung to each other, their tears mingling, until Syaoran calmed down enough to look down at Sakura.

"Sakura?" He lifted her chin up, and saw her tear-streaked face. She looked terrible, and it dawned on him that they had dreamed together.

"You saw the same thing?"

She nodded.

"Then why are you still here?" he asked gently. "You...I warned you when we first met...and I can't...I will never let that happen."

Silence, stretching uncomfortably between them. Then she lifted her eyes to his face, and asked, "Syaoran?"

He nodded to show he'd heard her.

"Do you believe dreams are inevitable?"

"I've never thought about it," he said slowly. "But no, I think we are in charge of our own destinies...although I haven't been, as you know."

"When I became the Card Mistress, I saw everything in dreams. But I was able to change things then, because I didn't want those dreams to come completely true. Because if dreams control you, then you're no better than a fool," Sakura said, with an unexpected edge to her voice.

"For I am fortune's fool," Syaoran said. "I read that in a play long ago."

"Who said that?" Sakura asked.

"Romeo in 'Romeo and Juliet'. In the play, they're called 'star-crossed lovers' because they are destined to fall in love, but they die to end the feud between their families. He said it because no matter what he did, everything turned out wrong; he was destined to lose her, and to fail."

"Should've paid more attention in literature, then, because it sounds like we might be fortune's fools," Sakura smiled. Syaoran's heart warmed at her smile, and he drew her closer.

"I love you." He surprised himself by saying it, and when he'd said it, he knew it was true. "I don't know if anything else makes sense anymore, but I would rather die than hurt you."

"Ditto," Sakura whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"The same thing. We shouldn't even be together, we're supposed to love other people, we've only known each other a few weeks, yet here we are, and I love you," she said softly.

Syaoran's lips searched out Sakura's lips, and she responded passionately. Like drowning people, they explored each other's mouths. Syaoran almost forgotten how delicious it was to touch Sakura, and how wildly arousing it was when she yielded to him completely.

Sakura did not resist when Syaoran tugged her upper garments off and began to explore the skin there.

"You like that," he said, as he began to kiss and lick her neck and shoulders, and she began to whimper and moan in pleasure. As they kissed their way across each other's bodies, they began to learn the other's geography as best they could.

Syaoran quickly learned that Sakura's neck, shoulders, and breasts were highly sensitive to his touch, and he tried different ways to please her: fondling, rubbing, licking, kissing his way up and down, made somewhat more difficult as she was trying to do the same.

"How about this?" Syaoran boldly slid the rest of her clothes off, leaving her completely naked before him. He hungrily took in the sight of Sakura's body, and she pulled him back down on her with a small mew of protest, tugging on his shirt.

"Play fair," she gasped, and Syaoran smiled as he took his clothes off. He took his time, gazing into her deep green eyes as he continued exploring her. In the moonlight, Sakura began to understand what was in Syaoran's eyes. Desire. And she knew it was in her eyes as well.

"Lie back," Syaoran rasped hoarsely. "Please, Sakura."

And she did. Somehow, he knew how to please her, and each moan, each little gasp, aroused him even further, and he only wanted to keep giving her pleasure until everything else faded away.

When his kisses traveled down her stomach to her womanhood, he waited for her to stop him. No resistance. And she said _**his**_ name clearly. "Syaoran! Don't stop, Syaoran. Please!"

She looked so beautiful, and he almost stopped then and there, but she was waiting, and he thrust his tongue into her wetness. Sakura arched her back, and screamed, "Syaoran!" as she burst into her first, wonderful orgasm.

Sakura opened her eyes when she felt Syaoran's tongue stop. He was hovering above her, his mismatched eyes darkened with an expression of concern. "What is it?" she asked.

"Sakura," Syaoran said huskily. "Do you want me to make love to you?"

She had long figured out that this meant he would be entering her physically, and she nodded joyfully. So Syaoran had already prepared her, then; she knew it would hurt, but that he would try to make it easier. _**That's why he made sure I was very wet**_, Sakura realized. She felt open and ready; she wanted him inside of her in the ultimate joining.

"Please," she said, and Syaoran lowered himself between her legs, easing inch after inch of himself into her gently, kissing her fiercely. He felt something give, felt the blood flow over his manhood. She was small and tight, and he was large--something that had once embarrassed him and made him feel dirty, but of which he now was proud, as it was something that Sakura derived pleasure from. Sakura gasped against his lips.

"Are you all right?" Syaoran stopped moving his hips, and he gathered Sakura's chin into his hands. She opened her eyes, brilliant with unshed tears, and nodded.

"I love you, Syaoran," she said, and his mismatched eyes darkened with happiness.

"And I love you, Sakura," Syaoran replied tenderly. He began the ancient rocking in and out of her, but it felt as though they had discovered it themselves. Sakura wrapped her legs over Syaoran's hips, and urged him on, feeling as though she never wanted to let him go. Syaoran let go and lost himself in the sweetness of her. Neither remembered the Princess nor Xiaolang; there was only Sakura and there was only Syaoran, and they were together, lost in each other.

**Interlude: A Cruel Necessity**

"You've made sure they were constantly alone," Watanauki said to Yuuko as they watched Syaoran making love to Sakura.

"I have," Yuuko said calmly. "This was necessary, for their relationship to progress faster."

"Why?"

"He has to love the Cardcaptor more than he did the Princess," Yuuko said.

"Isn't that cruel?" Watanauki was well familiar with Yuuko's devious ways, and was surprised to see a look of sadness and regret cross her face.

"For the balance to be preserved, and the dream to be ended, there is no other way but for one of them to carry the pain of their love in their heart. And for her sake, I hope it will be him."


	8. Chapter 8

**Body Memories Chapter 8**

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or TRC.

Author's note: Contains serious spoilers for chapters 176, 177, and 178! (Dances little victory dance over the latest crazy twist in TRC. Heh heh. I worship Clamp!) Finally updated because I'm happy with how this can now be fitted in with the storyline, haha :D

* * *

**Bittersweet**

They were in a country with many mountains. Yet again, they had materialized where there were very few people. Sakura joked that it was like being the only two people in the universe, and Syaoran remembered thinking it might not be so bad, to find a place where they would be the only people in the world.

It was wonderful to just walk around with Sakura's hand in his own, as though they were normal people without any worries about grand plots and prophecies. Every now and then, Sakura would break free to run over to a pretty flower, or to admire the view. Each time, Syaoran felt no need to run after her; though they had lost track of time, they had forever.

Sakura was his world now. He loved her completely; every smile, every frown, even the little gestures she made when she practiced her magic with the Sakura cards. She'd gotten to the point of being able to cast spells and fight at the same time, and Syaoran was very proud of her. She could even last several minutes in a fight against him, without him holding back.

Syaoran could not remember being happier in his life, because she loved him, and did not hesitate to tell him so. For his part, he expressed himself with her openly, never concealing how he felt about her. When they made love, the world disappeared, and they forgot about gathering feathers, rescuing Xiaolang and the Princess, and their previous lives.

"Wolf?" A pair of bottle-green eyes interrupted his reverie. Sakura was peeking up at him; he had been seated on a small outcropping of rock, waiting for her to return to him.

"Yes, blossom?" He smiled gently at her, feeling like his heart would burst from the love he carried. She made her way beside him, and crawled into his arms; he wrapped them around her waist, and nuzzled her neck

"Do you ever wonder about those we left behind? Sometimes I wonder about my father, my brother, my guardians, Tomoyo-chan...I wonder if I would've made it past high school math. If I would have met you somehow. And it would have been nice to go through high school with you as my boyfriend. I know my dad and Tomoyo and my friends would have loved you...although I know Touya would probably hate you, because he hates any guy who gets close to me."

Syaoran laughed. "A normal life, then? I would have liked that. But I would have made a boring boyfriend for you. I like books, I'm not much for going out and having the kind of fun you told me about: malls, movies, and such."

"I'm sure we would have found a way to pass the time," Sakura said, pulling him down on her. They kissed, tongues entwining lightly, hands caressing. Soon their clothes were off, and they were making love again.

When they finished, Syaoran could not understand why he felt she had forgotten something, and that something was missing from him as well. But he rubbed his cheek against hers, and said, "I believe we would have found a way to meet, somehow. I mean, Mokona was transporting me, Kurogane-san, and Fai-san from world to world. I think I would have stayed with you there."

"I would have liked that," was her sleepy response.

"I would have lived for that moment," and he brushed his lips against hers.

* * *

**Interlude: Warnings**

Princess Tomoyo woke up with a start. She was perturbed; she had seen how Syaoran and Sakura's memories of their respective loves had all but disappeared, and they had begun a vagabond existence, wandering worlds together and consummating their love, unknowingly leaving shattered and dead worlds in their wake. Without Sakura's interference, Fei Wong Reed would be able to gather all the feathers and put his evil plan into motion.

_**We need those two to wake up! They cannot lose themselves in the dream they created together, not forever! Those who began their journeys together, belong together: Sakura with Xiaolang, and the Princess with Syaoran. **_But it hurt to even think of parting the young lovers, who deserved a lifetime together. _**They are not destined to be together, and one of them has to become fortune's fool. **_

And so she appeared to Yuuko, who immediately knew what was bothering Tomoyo.

"We wait," Yuuko said without preamble. "It's Reed's move now. Sakura didn't escape his clutches for nothing."

"I know it's only been a few days for us. But the longer they stay together, the harder it will be for them to let go," Princess Tomoyo argued. "And they've been wandering worlds for almost two years now."

Silence. Then,

"I know you wish to appear to them. You won't like the price," Yuuko said.

"How many more worlds should die? Prices exist for a reason," Princess Tomoyo argued. "And they deserve the chance to change their destinies. They are strong enough to do so."

"What makes you think they will make the right choices?"

"I know Sakura will. And Syaoran loves her too much to do anything that will hurt her, at least not when he is in control of himself."

"She has to break Reed's control over Syaoran and prevent Xiaolang's death. But if she does anything else, she will pay the price. And you know what it will cost her to save Syaoran. That quality is one of the things that makes her strong."

"I know," Princess Tomoyo set her chin firmly.

"All right then. One dream. To each of them. And tell them only the truth."

* * *

**Farewell**

With Sakura by his side, Syaoran felt strong, loved, and free. No voices in his head, no more Xiaolang reaching across dimensions to haunt him. He was himself, and he was enjoying it. Had it been over a year since they met?

They had settled in a beautiful land called Cotswolds, and had found a lovely little home to live in, with a small flower garden. Syaoran had begun working as a partner to an archaeologist in the local university, and Sakura ran a small cafe where she made cakes and pastries. Syaoran had learned how to drive, and to use a computer. He was happy in his job; he was soon put in charge of the archaeology department's library, and sometimes, he would take home books and read them with Sakura.

Each night, as he came home to Sakura, Syaoran was amazed at how his travels and trials had brought him to this beautiful, wonderful woman. No matter how often they made love, he couldn't get enough of her, and when she screamed his name in bed, he felt invincible.

He didn't even need to get down on one knee to ask Sakura to marry him; he had simply whispered it in her ear one night, and all she said was, "What took you so long, Wolf?" And so Syaoran had married her in quiet, simple rites at the tiny church in the village, and encountered a moment of dread when he realized he did not know whether he had a last name or not. Sakura had come to his rescue by telling him that since he had been raised by a man named Fujitaka, then it would honor his father to use that as his surname. So they became Syaoran and Sakura Fujitaka, man and wife.

Sakura herself missed her family and friends, and sometimes found herself wishing that this world's versions of her father, brother, Tomoyo, or anyone else who was familiar would come to the cafe. But it never happened.

Though sometimes she found herself wishing she could go home to Tomoeda, she did not want to leave Syaoran's side. Never. Not here, where he was happy. If he came to Tomeda with her, there would be questions about who he was and where he had come from. And the way he looks—the stray thought passed through her mind. Given that he had no childhood memories, having been created half-grown, Sakura did not want to put him through the emotional wringer such questions would create; she loved him too much, and wanted to see him happy.

And there was someone—she couldn't remember who—that she had to bring home with her. She rationalized that since she couldn't control where she went with her world-traveling spell, she and Syaoran might as well stay where they are. The thought of growing old with the one she loved passionately and completely comforted her when she felt herself missing her family and friends.

But then the dreams began, again, the night after they were married. For both of them.

In each one, Syaoran found himself watching the same scene, over and over. A swirling tempest of darkness, in which he fought Xiaolang in a terrible magical battle. Syaoran would prevail, and he would try to kill the Princess and Xiaolang's souls. He would stop the killing blow from his sword just as Sakura entered the dream world, and fought him. He saw himself killing Sakura over and over, always piercing her through the heart, only to be killed himself by Xiaolang, who would wake up at the last moment, his memories of Sakura having flooded back at the point of her death.

Every time he woke up, he clung to her tightly, kissing her frantically, often winding up making fierce, passionate love to her to reassure her and himself of how much he loved her. Each time he was powerless, though, to prevent the return of each dream.

Sakura sensed Syaoran's anguish, and soothed him as much as she could. She knew the dreams, and she could feel that he was fighting to stay by her side. Each night, as they slept in each other's arms, she would wait for him to fall asleep after they made love, then whisper a wish into his ear for him to sleep well, and to dream only good dreams.

But tonight was different.

As he saw the tempest begin again, Syaoran's heart sank. But instead of the battle he always saw, a calming presence came over him.

It was the Princess Tomoyo, the one who had saved Kurogane from Fei Wong Reed.

"Syaoran," she called gently. "We don't have much time." And when she touched his palm, he saw her visions: the worlds he and Sakura had left behind, crumbling into dust as they left. Syaoran reeled; were they truly responsible? He saw how he eventually was discovered by Reed, and brought back under control with a spell even their love could not resist. And he saw Sakura saved, alive...thanks to a sacrifice.

"There is a chance to change your nightmare," Princess Tomoyo said. "But only you can pay the price."

"Anything!" The word was ripped from Syaoran painfully; he could not afford to have her die at his hand.

"You must leave her."

"No...no!" Syaoran began to weep. "I would rather die!"

"You may have to, and in dying, you save her. If you don't leave her now, your nightmare will come true, and she dies at your hand. Leave her soon, and she will survive, and find a way to end the dream, just as she was destined to."

Syaoran was silent. Again, a horrible price was being demanded of him. Suddenly he remembered the Princess, and the price he'd paid to save her.

Could he do any less to save the woman he truly loved?

"How long do I have?" he asked softly.

"Three days. After that, Reed will call to you, and your other self will reawaken. The longer you delay that reawakening, the fewer the chances Sakura will survive."

"Three days," Syaoran repeated. "Only three days for her and for me."

0-0-0

Sakura tossed in her sleep, though she could never remember her dreams these days. But tonight, someone came into them, someone she thought she would never see again.

"Tomoyo-chan!" she cried out gratefully. "How I've missed you!"

"I'm afraid I'm not your best friend, but I am another aspect of her. Remember what the Witch told you?" Princess Tomoyo said softly.

"Oh." A pause, then, "You're here about Syaoran, aren't you?"

"Yes. You know the dream. It must end."

"I won't leave him."

"In leaving, you buy the chance to save him."

Sakura's head whipped around. "Tell me!" she demanded.

"You know he was created outside the fabric of time, and does not have a soul. You have given him a heart, and your love protects it. You need to give him a soul."

"How?"

Tomoyo looked straight into Sakura's eyes. "Can you give up something precious in return?"

Sakura looked away. "What is it?"

"Your innocence."

"I've already given it to him!"

"No. I mean, your spells are all white magic, creation, not destruction. Will you learn the darkest magics to save him?"

"I will." Sakura's jaw was set firmly.

"More than Xiaolang ever was?"

No hesitation; Sakura responded, "Syaoran is my life."

A pause. "Xiaolang?"

Princess Tomoyo was alarmed. When she had spoken to Syaoran, he had remembered the Princess. Sakura did not even know who Xiaolang was anymore, then.

"Someone else whom you need to save. But you're Syaoran's only hope. You're the only one who does not see him as a monster or a pawn or a tool. Hence I tell you this now. Fei Wong Reed is going to call to him in three days, and Syaoran will not be able to fight it. Reed is his creator, after all. You must let him go, then you will go to a world where you can learn those dark magics."

"Three days. Three days to love him for the lifetime we should have had," Sakura said bitterly.

"Don't spend it in bitterness, Sakura," Princess Tomoyo said gently. "Love him. Because your love is all he will have left when he fights the worst battle of all."

"With himself. I know." Sakura said sadly.

Princess Tomoyo gently touched Sakura. "Love him."

"I already do. And I always will."

0-0-0

Three days passed in a blur of almost desperate lovemaking, declarations of love, and watching the other, as though to burn the other's image in the memory. Neither Sakura nor Syaoran discussed the reason for what they were doing; each knew why, and preferred to focus on making memories to carry into the future.

Before midnight on the last day, after making passionate love, Syaoran stood up, and looked at the stars outside their bedroom window.

"Remember what I said before, about the star-crossed lovers?"

Sakura stood behind him, tenderly wrapping her arms around his lean waist. "I do. Soon, the universe will be our enemy. I pray we both have the strength to beat it back."

He had never been prouder of her than he was now. She was strong, with a warrior's heart in a woman's body. She wasn't crying or begging him not to leave or exploring the pointless hope of a way out; she had accepted the harsh necessities of their situation. Just as he had. And the love that swept over him made him feel ready to accept any kind of psychic, emotional, or physical torture. He could be no less, if he wished to honor her memory.

Syaoran turned to look into Sakura's eyes, his mismatched blue and brown eyes darkening. "Promise me, Sakura. At least remember me somehow. If in the future you find yourself with a moment of freedom, I beg you to at least think of me."

"Only if you do the same," she said softly.

"Always," he responded.

And they kissed for the last time, pulling away before midnight came, tears in their eyes. Wordlessly Sakura cast the spell that would teleport her away, and her jade green eyes never left Syaoran's, not until she disappeared. Each heard the faint whisper of the other's last words: "I love you."

0-0-0

Sakura found herself in a dark land, and she reined in her terror. _**Syaoran is not here to kiss your fears away**_, she reminded herself, and the thought of him gave her strength.

"Sakura," a clear, calm voice said. She turned to face a man who looked like Yue. But his hair, his clothes, his eyes...everything was black, save for his pale white skin. "So you have come and accepted your fate. Follow me. You have much to learn." He turned, his large wings unfolding, and he flew towards a dark lodge-like building on top of a nearby hill. Sakura followed, casting her own wings.

When they reached the entrance, Sakura was surprised to find that it looked like a school of some kind. "My name is Yue," he said. Sakura started, and the man chuckled. "Ah, I see you've met another version of me. I am here to teach you what you need, and to provide you shelter while you are here."

"You're very kind," she began.

"No. You're wrong," he said. "What I am about to teach you and do to you are cruel, and I take no pleasure from it. But you must end the dream. And to do that, you need to remember..."

Yue placed his palm against her forehead. Memories came rushing back painfully, and Sakura began to scream when she realized what she had forgotten. Her heart and soul were torn between Xiaolang and Syaoran, and she collapsed to the ground, crying.

She felt Yue place an arm over her shoulders. "I am sorry. But now you know what you need to, to make your decision." He escorted her to a small, spartan sleeping cell. A black singlesuit lay on the cot.

"You begin tomorrow morning, at sunrise. The faster you learn, the better your chances of stopping a calamity." Yue bid her good night, then left

And Sakura surprised herself by getting up before dawn. She put on the singlesuit and began the sword exercises Syaoran had taught her. The ritual comforted her, made her feel he was there somehow.

Yue arrived at dawn, and took her to a library, where she was given a translating crystal and told to memorize the incantations she would need for the dark spells she was about to cast.

As she read, Sakura quickly learned that the magic to give Syaoran a soul would require giving up the spell she used to teleport between worlds, and would feed off her soul. And to sustain the spell, she would need to absorb all the Sakura cards into herself, making the spells and the power a part of her.

She recoiled. _**How can I do this to my cards? **_As she began to weep, she felt a glow surround her. All the cards had floated around her, and Mirror materialized.

"Mistress," the gentle card began. "It pains us to know your heart is broken. We understand your situation. If you are unhappy, you will lose your powers, and we will die. If you are defeated and killed in the coming combat, we shall also die. Please, if you absorb us, we become part of you, and we live as long as you do."

Sakura shook her head fiercely. "No! You are my friends, and I will find a way around this."

Light and Dark suddenly materialized. "You know there is only one way, Mistress." And they melted to reveal two forms behind them. One was Xiaolang, darkly handsome, with amber eyes. Sakura remembered her years of longing for him, and the pain she had carried—then buried—when she was unable to find him. It wasn't his fault they had been parted...was it her fault then that she had fallen into another's waiting arms? The other was her beautiful Syaoran, his odd eyes, his scars, his lean body, his tousled thick hair...everything she knew, and loved. Light stood behind him.

The images dissolved and the cards were, once more, floating around her. She searched the book for the spell to absorb power, and began to cast it.

Yue watched from the shadows, and spoke to someone who wasn't there.

"I told you she would find the strength to do it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Body Memories Chapter 9**

_**Warning: **__Serious spoilers for TRC. _

_**Author's note:**__ Thanks to some good advice and kind words from various people, I've decided to continue this without waiting for the timeline in TRC. Hope you like it :) Thanks to Admiral Godunov, parma-violets, Keetra, and Pipi-chan!_

As soon as Sakura's spell and magic circle cleared, Syaoran lifted his left hand. His wedding ring glistened, and his view of it began to blur with unwanted tears as he removed it. Reed must never know that Sakura meant the world to him, so Syaoran carefully placed it under their wedding photo.

His world was gone, and even as he longed to bring her back, he knew it could not be so. They would have to play out their roles in this terrible drama before they could even have a chance to find each other again. Assuming they survived.

He would leave everything behind to give Sakura the chance to end it all. Syaoran wondered what it would be like to die, and thought that it would be a sweet release if it were by Sakura's hand, if she saved him from living life as the monstrous clone he had been.

Syaoran picked up his sword, Hien, inspecting it carefully; it was still sharp as ever, and flames burst from it at a single thought. He rummaged through the closet, finding the black and red singlesuit with the bat insignia that he had worn back when...before Sakura. It still fit him, and he was surprised to feel regret when the cloth slid over his body. He didn't want to wear it at all, but if he was returning to Reed, then he would have to.

He couldn't even remember where the feathers were that he'd had when he and Sakura had met; he hoped she had taken them with her. Syaoran sat down, sheathed the sword, and waited for the darkness to take him, carefully clearing his mind of thoughts of Sakura, praying his memories of her would not be found.

At midnight, his blue eye glowed, and Syaoran was no more; he was the heartless clone again. Inside, Syaoran was trapped, and he did not know how to take over, or how to find his way back to who he was. A portal opened in front of him, and he obeyed willingly; he was The Clone, no longer Syaoran.

Fei Wong Reed looked the clone over suspiciously. He could not account for seven days in the young man's existence, at least from his own time flow. Depending on where Syaoran had been, he could have been missing anywhere from a day to seven years. But though he had no feathers with him, there were no new scars on Syaoran, and when bidden to keep going to retrieve the feathers, the clone obeyed, entering the portal willingly, and returning, covered in blood, with a feather.

Who had the Clone been with? Reed had seen flashes of fighting in the first two days, but there was silence until he'd used the finding and binding spell to reach the young man.

Reed knew that the Clone had not been with the Witch nor with the group traveling with his version of the Princess, and so he relaxed a bit. Things were still falling into place. _**Use him, but stand ready to eliminate him, **_Fei Wong Reed thought.

0-0-0

Fai, Kurogane, Princess Tomoyo, Souma, Seishiro, and Fuuma watched as the aura around enchanted sakura tree, where Syaoran, Xiaolang, and the Princess were in the dream world, began to part. Out came Xiaolang and Syaoran, both struggling to get hold of a feather...

Just then a multicolored bubble opened near them, a magical circle none of them recognized beneath it, and out emerged...

"Sakura!" Mokona cried. "But how..."

But Fai, Kurogane, and Mokona quickly realized she wasn't _**their**_ Princess Sakura. As she walked past them, she looked at Princess Tomoyo, and nodded. Fai raised an eyebrow as he saw the exchange.

This Sakura was taller, and more muscular; she also had a scar on one cheek, a fine cut Kurogane recognized as a sword or knife scar. She was beautiful, identical in many ways to Princess Sakura save for the long hair pulled back into a braid, but her green eyes were sad, as though she had faced the weight of the world many times.

She wore an odd outfit, a bodysuit which covered as much of her body as possible while allowing her freedom of movement, and carried a sword whose hilt was colored like cherry blossoms. Fai and Kurogane also noticed a strange ring, in the shape of a wolf biting an emerald, on her left hand.

"A wedding ring?" Fai asked Princess Tomoyo softly. This Sakura began a silent spell, gesturing upwards, and she sprouted wings and was lifted towards where Xiaolang and Syaoran were battling. "She has found a new source of power."

"No, Fai. An old one." Fai gasped when he realized what Sakura had done.

"That other Sakura..." Mokona gasped. "She's going to fight the clone! She can't--he's too strong right now! He almost took Xiaolang down a while ago!"

Princess Tomoyo was the first to respond. "Perhaps she feels she has no choice but to fight him. You see, Xiaolang was...is...her beloved."

Fai raised an eyebrow. Xiaolang wasn't old enough...

Kurogane said softly, "She has the look of one who is willing to die."

The Princess Tomoyo did not reply; there was no need to tell them that Sakura was rushing to her probable death at the hand of the one she loved the most. But she had lied about who the one she loved most was.

Without speaking, Sakura cast another spell, one that enveloped them all in darkness, and was shocked when the Princess Sakura's soul came towards her.

"I must protect...the one I love."

Something about her...Sakura realized that the Princess was herself a clone; her new training and powers allowed her to see it. But the clone Princess smiled, then dissolved into a tiny pink sphere of light. She entered Sakura through the chest, and Sakura gasped; it was not an invasion, but she could feel the clone Princess enveloping her heart.

"You know what you must do, sister-soul," Sakura felt rather than heard the clone Princess say. Sakura felt something strengthen in her, and she was borne upwards to where the two young men, Xiaolang and Syaoran, raced for a feather, their swords poised to strike the other.

Xiaolang was determined never to repeat the mistake that had allowed his clone to cripple him the first time they had met. The clone saw the opportunity to not only claim a feather but also to eliminate one who stood in his way.

There was a loud, anguished scream. Xiaolang and Syaoran had both pierced someone who looked like Sakura with their swords.

Sakura felt no pain when the two swords went through her, but she felt herself being parted into two.

"I'm not your Sakura," the clone Princess inside her said softly to Xiaolang. "For the sake of the one you love most...be free."

And something inside Xiaolang began to break...a strange, silent barrier in his mind was slowly shattering.

"Only an act that violates his true self will completely restore Syaoran's memories of the Princess," the dark Yue had said in his last lessons to Sakura. "When he screams in agony, it is the pain of those memories returning to him."

And she began the spell to give Syaoran a soul, the ancient words felt rather than spoken, and the forbidden magics rising in her. Sakura felt part of her soul leaving her, and the presence of the clone Princess went with it. The clone Princess began to dissolve into sakura petals, which were absorbed into Syaoran's body. Syaoran opened his mouth in an agonized scream.

Somehow, miraculously, he was back in his body, and he had just lived the horrible dream. He had killed Sakura, and she had turned into sakura petals. He held the last glowing petal in his hand, and cried her name silently. And in his anger, he suddenly knew he had access to every power of his body—even that of the heartless clone.

Sakura watched Syaoran, her heart breaking as he went through the agony of gaining a soul.

What she did not expect was for Xiaolang to begin screaming as well.

At the clone Princess' words, Xiaolang was flooded with images of another girl, another Sakura.

_A pretty girl with bottle-green eyes, once his rival and now his most important person; he could see himself blushing and running away from her many times as her best friend laughed happily. The best friend's name...name...Daidouji! And he saw himself, eleven years old, blushing fiercely as she asked, "Can I call you Xiaolang-kun in exchange for you calling me Sakura?" And how he forced out a brusque response as he tried not to blurt out his true feelings for her: "Do whatever you like."_

_And a sunlit morning in which he watched her in a junior high school uniform, rushing to school. Late, as always, but she stopped when she sensed his presence._

_"Xiaolang-kun?" She stepped forward, unable to believe he was back._

_"Yes, Sakura. All the formalities have been concluded, and from now on, I'm going to stay in Tomoeda."_

_"You mean we're together forever from now on?" Sakura tilted her head up to look into Xiaolang's copper eyes, darkened with his love for her._

_"Yes," he smiled, and he tilted her chin upwards so that her lips could meet his._

_Around them, pink petals fluttered daintily to the ground, and a soft breeze fluttered._

And he remembered! Glorious memory crashed on him, sweet waves of a lifetime that had been taken away from him that morning many years ago.

Now Xiaolang understood who it was that his heart had truly been yearning for.

His beautiful Sakura.

Who was now falling, falling into a void beneath him. He quickly cast a wind spell to catch her, but he was slow...and she was swallowed by the darkness.

He could not feel it when Kurogane and Fai caught him, because he was screaming Sakura's name over and over.

And when Kyle Rondart appeared and stole the Princess Sakura's body, he was frozen, and unable to move. He now realized that the Princess was a clone of the real Princess, the one who belonged with the clone Syaoran.

"For the sake of the one you love most, be free..." Those words had unlocked Sakura in his mind. And now he remembered who was responsible for it all.

Reed.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his clone, Syaoran, weeping on the ground. Weeping?

"So you have a heart now," Xiaolang said bitterly.

Syaoran looked up, but did not respond.

Xiaolang came closer, and with a shock, he realized the reason for the clone's misery. He was holding on to a single sakura petal.

_**He regrets killing the Princess' soul, **_Xiaolang thought. _**But there is something else...**_

To Xiaolang's surprise, Syaoran threw away his sword with an angry gesture, and knely before Xiaolang.

"If it is your destiny to kill me, let's be done with it. I deserve it. I killed her."

Xiaolang stared. Why was Syaoran so remorseful?

_**He said, "I killed her"**_...Xiaolang looked into his clone's eyes. They were filled with love and agony, and he could not understand why.

Fai stepped forward and placed a hand on Syaoran's shoulder. Syaoran flinched, as if waiting to be struck a blow, then looked over at Kurogane.

"If you are begging me for death, kid," for Kurogane had recognized who was peering at him through Syaoran's mismatched eyes, "you won't get it. Your pain is your punishment."

Syaoran looked at Fai, and started when he noticed the magician's remaining eye was now gold. He looked so remorseful that Fai smiled gently. "You're going to need my magic where you're going."

"Huh?"

"You can still save her," Fai said softly. "With Xiaolang."

Xiaolang suddenly spoke. "Mokona, I need to speak to the Witch," he said. Mokona nodded, and began the transmission to Yuko.

As if she had been expecting him, the witch looked at Xiaolang sadly, but then started when she saw Syaoran as well.

"He is..."

"On our side now," Fai said softly.

"So she did it," the witch said softly to herself.

_**She? **_"I have a wish," Xiaolang said.

"You know there is a price," she said.

"Of course. I want to know where Sakura is."

"Which one?"

"Both of them. I will never let Sakura die."

"Nor I." Xiaolang and the Witch were both surprised when Syaoran stood up and came to Mokona. "I will pay what it takes to spare Xiaolang from having to pay."

Yuko looked at Syaoran quietly. So he had finally broken free of Reed...which meant he now had a soul. Which meant Sakura was dying.

"Syaoran...Your soul...it means she is dying; that magic feeds off her own soul. She has given you the reins of your destiny."

Syaoran's knees suddenly gave way under him. To the end she had tried to save him, and now...He began to cry in great, wracking sobs. Xiaolang opened his mouth, beginning to understand what Syaoran had truly taken from him.

_**Sakura. He must have fallen in love with her somewhere along the way. **_And the blood drained from Xiaolang's face at the realization.

"You must calm down, Syaoran," Princess Tomoyo said. "If you die, her effort will have been in vain."

"No..." and Syaoran went pale when he realized what Sakura had done. "You don't understand. She wasn't supposed to let me live! Xiaolang was supposed to finish me off! I have to be dead!"

Seeing that Syaoran was on the verge of hysteria, Princess Tomoyo touched Syaoran's shoulder, murmured a calming spell, and he closed his eyes, collapsing back on the stretcher. She bent down, and whispered softly in his ear, "We both know what she has done. You must rest now. For you, the trials are not yet over. You must be strong for Sakura's sake."

"Especially since you need to consent to something only you can do," Yuko said.

Syaoran raised his head.

"What do you mean, you need my consent?" Syaoran asked.

"She changed the spell to save you, give you a soul, to restore your memories, and she knew there would be consequences," Yuko said. "Now she is dying, and is in the clutches of the man who started this all."

"Your price," Yuko turned to Xiaolang, "is already partly paid. The relationship you should have had with Sakura was lived by Syaoran. But now you must have to fight alongside Syaoran, knowing who he is and what he has shared with Sakura. You two need to fight together to save her."

Xiaolang was pale and silent. So Syaoran had had the relationship he should have had with Sakura. His fists were clenched so tightly, he was drawing blood from his palms with his nails.

_**I cannot let Sakura die!**_

"As for you, Syaoran, you must know this. Each time Sakura fights to keep your memories, which are now slipping away from her, Sakura wastes the energy she needs to survive her injuries. You must use the magic you have stolen, because a spell cast by you over her will be more powerful--you are the source of those memories. She needs to forget you, and the time you spent together."

"And you want me to do this to her?" Syaoran's voice rose angrily. "Now who's the monster here?"

"There's more," Yuko said expressionlessly. "You two created a new soul together."

Xiaolang could no longer bear it; he hauled backwards and punched Syaoran in the face. Syaoran fell to the ground, wincing, but he accepted it; had he been in Xiaolang's position, he would have done worse. That Xiaolang had not killed him meant Xiaolang had accepted his price, and Syaoran would not allow Xiaolang to fight alone.

"That child's soul will be transferred elsewhere," Yuko said quietly. "Your child cannot be born to Sakura, or be raised by you. And you must save her before Reed discovers the child's existence."

Syaoran's hands clenched in frustration. "How many prices do I have to pay? What else can you take away from me in exchange for a life I was already willing to leave behind?" he raged. "I didn't ask to be made! He," and he pointed at Xiaolang, "didn't ask for me to be made! Why do we have to pay and pay and pay?"

In her clear, calm voice, Princess Tomoyo said, "Syaoran, I am afraid that this is the only way to save her. Sakura must stop fighting the removal of her body memories of you so that she can heal; the magic she used fed on her soul, on her essence, and she may die if the magic is unchecked. Also, she cannot return to her home, her family, her friends without Xiaolang. She can only achieve this without memories of you. Otherwise she will continue to look for you, to be with you...and you know what will happen if we don't set the balance right now."

_**Can fate be any crueler?**_ Syaoran wondered.

He had no idea that Xiaolang, his face bowed, his expression obscured by his hair, was thinking the same thing. _**I spent years watching Syaoran with the Princess, and thought I fell in love with her. I lost the years I should have had with Sakura. And then here he comes, and he captures her heart, and lives my relationship with her. **_

Xiaolang felt wetness on his cheeks; he had not cried in so long, he had almost forgotten what tears were. _**And now she is carrying his child. Syaoran's, not mine. That baby should have been mine! **_he raged, and a sob escaped him.

Kurogane suddenly laid a hand on his arm.

"Everyone pays a price, boy," he said gruffly but gently. "Do not blame her. Everything was out of our hands."

Silence, then, "Tell me what it is like to be a free man," Xiaolang said.

"I don't know if I am truly free," Kurogane said. "But if you mean, what's it like not to have that bastard Reed meddling in my life now...I don't feel very different, because face it—we are all in something we don't understand."

Xiaolang could hear Yuko talking to Syaoran. "You're the only one with the power and the strength of heart sufficient for the task. I am truly sorry."

Syaoran closed his eyes and fought back the tears which were coming. Then he straightened up, facing both Yuko and the Princess Tomoyo.

"You were not meant to exist," Yuko said. "That's why. But when you came into being, your purpose became to save Sakura, and to sacrifice for her, to save her for someone else."

Both Syaoran and Xiaolang started. Their eyes met, and this time, neither looked away. Xiaolang knew that part of Sakura's soul had been used to give Syaoran a soul...and knowing that, he also understood that he would have to fight not only to save her, but also to win her back. Syaoran knew that he would be fighting to save Sakura for someone else, and though it hurt him, what mattered was that she would live. _**Xiaolang loved her, no, still loves her. She will be, must be happy with him. She **_

"Tell me your price," Xiaolang looked up at Yuko.

"Whatever it is, we will pay it," Syaoran said. A look of understanding passed between the two young men, and behind them, Fai and Kurogane moved into place.

"We're going too.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Body Memories**

**Chapter 10**

_**Necessity unites strange parties, and makes allies of those who should have been foes.**_

**Our Story So Far**

It was a quiet group of four young men who began their quest to save two Sakuras. One was a beautiful, innocent eighteen year-old desert Princess who had been cruelly cloned and torn from the young man she loved just hours after she planned to confess her love.

The Princess' clone, created as complete body-and-soul clone to serve as a reservoir for the Princess' feathers, had fallen in love with the same young man. But now the cloned Princess was only a body, as her soul had accidentally been killed by Syaoran. The clone had allowed herself to die in exchange for the life of the other Sakura so that she in turn could save the young man they all loved—ironically himself a clone, though only the Sakura he married knew that.

This other Sakura was a mature beauty in her early twenties, a powerful sorceress carrying the child of one young man in the group—the clone—who was her husband. She had started out in search of the young man who was the clone's original, as he was her first love. But along the way, she had met the clone and they had fallen deeply, irretrievably in love.

The eldest man was a blond magician-turned-vampire with one golden eye; his delicately attractive face masked a determination and strength unknown in someone like him. The tallest was a dark, strong, tall ninja with a hard yet handsome face and a gruff exterior which masked his kindness.

Then there were two young men, who seemed to be in their late teens or early twenties, almost exactly alike: both with messy chocolate hair, the same intense gaze, high cheekbones, leanly muscled frames. They were within an inch of each other's heights as well.

They could have been twin brothers but the truth was that the one with the blue and brown eyes was a clone created with the terrifying ability to ignore pain and get stronger the more he fought. He also could wield magic, but his magic had been stolen from the mage in their group, a magic that was focused solely on destruction.

The one with two brown eyes was a powerful sorceror and warrior in his own right, direct blood line descendant of the great magician Clow Reed, which had made him the perfect target for cloning. He had been the first to love the Card Mistress, Sakura Kinomoto.

Original and clone both loved the same Sakura, though one of them had lived the relationship that the other should have had with her.

The clone Syaoran had originally been created with a compulsion to seek out and retrieve the memory-heart feathers of the cloned Princess, killing all in his way. Faced with his original, he very nearly killed him before disappearing to the world where he had met Sakura; he had eventually married her. Now he was with a heart and a soul, thanks to her sacrifice, and his memories gave him two loves.

The original, Xiaolang, whose memories of Sakura were erased by his captor when he was first imprisoned, had only retrieved them recently. He had watched the clone's life through an eye he had given the clone, and had once thought himself in love with the Princess. But now he knew the only one he was ever meant to love...but she had been with his other self during his imprisonment, and worse, she now carried his clone's child, the one who should have been his and her firstborn.

As a result, tension was high, and the group had divided into two: Kurogane and Xiaolang, and Fai and Syaoran.

**Two Conversations**

Kurogane still did not trust Syaoran, and only spoke to him when necessary. Syaoran understood, but the coldness of his once-mentor reminded him of all he had lost, and would continue to lose.

Syaoran had sought out Fai the night after he had received his soul in order to apologize for everything; now that his memories were complete, he was horrified by what he had done to the mage: mauling him, stealing his eye and, in the process, half his magic, and leaving him for dead. Though he had not been in control of himself, he still felt terrible.

He was quite prepared to be turned out of Fai's quarters when he arrived; if Kurogane, who had not been the victim, could not forgive him, why should Fai? But for his own peace of mind, Syaoran knew he had to at least try.

"Sakura loves you, Syaoran-kun," said Fai as soon as he'd sensed Syaoran's presence, though his back was turned to Syaoran when the latter entered his chambers in Nihon. "That's why she absorbed the cards into herself and learned forbidden magics. You were all that mattered to her." The handsome vampire was standing on the balcony of his chambers, the night sky of Nihon gleaming above him and the lights of the city flickering below.

"I...Fai, forgive me, I know I don't deserve it but I..." Syaoran's words came out in a rapid, nervous rush.

"I just called you 'Syaoran-kun', in case you didn't notice," Fai smiled gently. "I forgave you a long time ago. We're all victims in this...especially you."

"Fai...I will do anything to make it up to you," Syaoran began desperately, wishing there was something he could do that could somehow right the monstrous wrong he had inflicted on Fai.

"Save Sakura," Fai said. "Do that and you will have repaid me at least a hundred times over."

"I will," Syaoran said. "I've made my mind up on that. I won't die until she is safe."

Fai quietly looked at Syaoran with his remaining golden eye, knowing Syaoran wasn't done.

"Yet I fight to save her for someone else," Syaoran said softly, only slightly surprised that Fai knew who he was thinking about and what he had wanted to know. "I have to erase Sakura's memories of me, with my own hands." He swallowed back his tears, which kept threatening to come each time he thought of Sakura and what he would have to do to her.

"There is no shame in crying," Fai said gently. "Your heart may be strong, but when it is broken, there should be something that you can do to allow the pain to flow through and past you so that you can look at the pain and learn what needs to be done."

"You know I loved the Princess as well," Syaoran said. "I sometimes wonder if I betrayed her with Sakura. What kind of a heart can love twice?"

Fai smiled. "A human heart. Like yours."

Syaoran touched his chest. "Human...I loved the Princess as a boy, and part of me loves her still. But the rest of me..."

"...loves Sakura as a man," Fai finished for him. "There is a bond between lovers that cannot be broken, especially when it was intense as yours with Sakura. You married her, after all; time flowed for two years while you were together, and had things been different, you two would have had a family."

"Our child," Syaoran said, and his voice broke. "Neither of us can even have our child."

"Would you rather that she die?"

"Never," Syaoran said firmly.

"Come here," Fai sat on a small stone bench then gestured towards Syaoran, who sat gingerly next to the magician-turned-vampire. "Do you see the stars above?"

Syaoran looked up. "The Princess and Sakura both loved looking at them."

"What is your guiding star now? You used to steer to the light of a single star: your love for the Princess. Now you allow yourself to be torn, and that's almost as bad as trying to steer on a night without stars."

Syaoran sighed, but did not reply.

"Can you not choose to stay with the Princess instead once we have freed her? They are, after all, the same. This way you needn't suffer the pain of seeing Sakura with Xiaolang." Fai almost hated himself for saying this to Syaoran but he knew it had to be said. _**An exit must always be in every trap laid for an innocent**_—those were the words of the Witch.

"The Princess will always know that my heart is no longer completely hers," Syaoran said sadly. "It would be cruel to give her a second-hand love. She deserves someone who will love her completely..."

"Just as you love Sakura."

"Fai," and Syaoran turned his mismatched eyes on Fai, "Am I selfish to want to save Sakura before I save the Princess? After all, Sakura is destined for Xiaolang, not me. The Witch said it herself: I lived what should have been his relationship with her. By destiny's decree I never even had the right to marry her, and worlds suffered for our love."

"Did it ever occur to you that what happened between you happened for a reason?" Fai slowly led Syaoran through a thought process to which there was only one conclusion.

"What could that reason be? How will she return to him? Can he look at her without thinking of me? Will he punish her?"

"Don't you think he loves her enough to forget about what you two were to each other?"

"I...I am selfish," Syaoran said. "I want her to come back to me," he said. "Why did I survive this if only to lose her again?"

"Syaoran," and Fai took hold of the younger man's shoulders, "sometimes we do things for others selfishly. I wanted you and the Princess to have your happy ending even though I knew you and Sakura would cross paths eventually. That's why I made so many mistakes. I thought I was saving you when I was actually setting you up." 

"To be fortune's fool," Syaoran said so softly Fai almost didn't hear it.

"I'm sorry," and there was grief in Fai's voice.

"You would grieve for me?" Syaoran's eyes flew open wide. "You, who have been through so much?"

The commiserating look Fai gave him told him everything, and it took all of Syaoran's self-control to keep himself from whimpering in despair. _**I must be strong for you, Sakura, beloved wife.**_

"I will do what it takes to save her, whatever it takes," Syaoran said softly. "It's the least I can do after she sacrificed herself to give me a soul."

_**And there, he has chosen his star. **_Fai bowed his head, hating himself for having guided Syaoran into saying that. For Syaoran, after all, would do anything to achieve what he had made his mind up to do.

Even give up his life, if necessary. And the way things were going, it would probably be.

0-0-0

Xiaolang was standing on one of Nihon Castle's many balconies, and remembering when he had first realized that he loved Sakura.

Her Moon Guardian Yue had told him, "When your mind is quiet, then you will understand your feelings." Xiaolang had fled to Penguin Park after Yue's alter ego Yukito had pointed out that Xiaolang must have liked Sakura so much to have told him that Sakura "will eat anything so long as it's from you."

Eleven years old, sitting on one of the penguins, Xiaolang had realized that he had lost his heart forever to the laughing, golden-haired, green-eyed girl. And he did not feel the despair he thought would accompany it; instead, he wanted to feel the bitter sweetness of loving someone then, someone who at that time loved another.

Funny that he should be thinking of Yukito now that Sakura had married his clone. He remembered a conversation with Sakura's best friend Tomoyo in which she had asked if he'd told Sakura how he felt yet. Xiaolang had said _**no, I don't want to confuse her, **_and Tomoyo had encouraged him to go ahead anyway.

_**She loved him for so long...**_

_**And yet that didn't change the way I felt about her.**_

_**Tomoyo knew I had a chance, but I hesitated because she had just confessed to Yukito and been rejected.**_

Now Sakura had gone beyond a simple confession of love; she had loved Syaoran enough to sacrifice herself, part of her soul, and her innocence to save him.

And that was the relationship that should have been his and Sakura's. She would have loved him that much, had he only been there.

_**Damn Fei Wong Reed!**_

A lump rose in his throat; _**she had been trying to search for me, and everything went to hell when she met Syaoran.**_

_**Him!**_

Xiaolang knew how she had searched all alone for five lonely years..._**and to think her worst fear was being alone, **_he'd always known that about her. Xiaolang understood how badly her spirit would have flagged, and for his other self to find her...since Sakura and Syaoran were, by then, both magical humans, she would have been drawn to him, and the illusion would have been complete.

_**He substituted for me, and in her eyes, he was me. The magic he stole from Fai completed the illusion.**_

Especially since, in the crystal prison, he had agreed to give up his relationship with Sakura, not knowing that the reference was to his Sakura, not to the Princess. _**What a fool I was! I gave my blessing to their relationship!**_

Xiaolang was tormented by the fact that his only memories of being close to Sakura were a few hugs, innocent hand-holding, and a few playful kisses. Though he couldn't bear to think of Syaoran making love with Sakura, the thought haunted him because he had the cruel knowledge that those caresses, those kisses, the intimacy she had shared with Syaoran should have been his.

He still couldn't figure out though why Syaoran had fallen so deeply and desperately for Sakura when he'd had the Princess. It was unfair, Xiaolang thought; _**he belongs to her, not to my Sakura!**_

But did it matter? Xiaolang squared his shoulders. Even when she had thought herself in love with Yukito, Xiaolang had still loved Sakura.

"She is all that matters," Xiaolang whispered to a world that couldn't hear him. _**Once we find her and save her, I will fulfill my promise to keep falling in love with her again and again even if I lose my original feelings for her.**_

The trouble was that he never had lost his feelings for her; they had merely been transferred to the Princess briefly. But he knew he would always be second place to Syaoran; her second lover, her second husband, eventually.

_**But I want to be the only one in her heart!**_

Xiaolang was instantly ashamed of his selfishness, and when he felt the ninja come up behind him, he bowed his head in shame.

"He who has something to do should never look down," Kurogane laid a hand on Xiaolang's shoulder, "not if he wants to go forward."

"You don't know what I was thinking, and I deserved to be ashamed," Xiaolang said softly.

"You were wishing that you were the only one in your Sakura's life, and that the kid had not lived your relationship with her." When Xiaolang started, Kurogane said, "It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. The kid's presence is a constant reminder of what you gave up and lost."

"It wasn't his fault," Xiaolang said in a flat voice.

Kurogane merely snorted. "He should've fought harder against his maker."

Xiaolang raised an eyebrow. "Never forgiving him for what he did to Fai?"

Kurogane merely glared at Xiaolang.

"Didn't you tell me earlier that everything was out of our hands?"

"You're sticking up for the kid?" Kurogane cocked a thick brow, and Xiaolang didn't answer.

"Boy, your problem is that you keep everything in. People who don't say what's on their minds are so troublesome," Kurogane said.

Xiaolang gave a half-hearted grin. "That's what the Tomoyo of our world kept telling me too, except she put it differently."

Kurogane merely harrumphed. "Cryptic, as always. No matter what world she's on, she's always a pain."

"She was the one who was always good to me."

"What you're really trying to say is that she could understand what you could never say," Kurogane said gruffly.

"That too."

"Do you love your Sakura?"

"Always," Xiaolang said simply. "She has never lost her place in my heart."

"Then there is only one choice in the matter. You fight for what you believe in. Any sacrifice is worth it. And remember," Kurogane paused to point in the direction of Syaoran's quarters, "she may have loved him but you're the one who will be her forever, because if you save her, it will only be the beginning of a life of love with her. He, on the other hand, is coming to the end of his relationship with her, and his last act will have to be the removal of her memories of him...then he will have to live the rest of his miserable life without her, knowing what he has done. You, boy, are in the best position in this war. Don't waste it."

Xiaolang looked up. That was a long and impassioned speech coming from the normally taciturn older warrior.

"That you said all that means a lot to me," Xiaolang said.

"Not like you're ever going to hear that from me again, boy," Kurogane grunted.

"I know. You've been very kind, even after Tokyo."

"All I did was get you drunk."

"But it was the oblivion I needed," Xiaolang thought back to those awful, desperate days when, fighting in a human chess tournament, he had almost died for the clone Princess without receiving even a scrap of affection from her, accepting it because he'd thought himself in love with her.

"Don't you dare stand back this time and refuse to claim what's yours. Don't be an idiot." When Xiaolang raised his coppery eyes to Kurogane's blazing red ones, Kurogane stared right back and continued. "It's the one thing that makes you weak. You hesitate; you always try to think of a way to punish yourself."

"I don't...try to punish myself," Xiaolang said slowly.

"Are you trying to be stupid? I've seen you, and you tend to hesitate if you think that something is selfish."

Xiaolang didn't answer; it was Kurogane's peculiar gift to be able to cut straight to the heart of the matter, where the weakness lay.

"Screw that weakness, boy. Take what is yours. Screw the kid! You heard the Witch, she was destined for you, and so you cannot betray her by letting her wind up with him."

Xiaolang looked up at the sky. Kurogane's words were painful, yes, but true.

"I will not give up, and I will never let her die. I didn't lie when I said that."

"I know. Just don't...be...stupid!"

Xiaolang smiled for the first time. "I won't."

"Better not be," and Kurogane looked up in the sky, which was full of tiny stars.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" Xiaolang sighed. "She drew her power from them, you know."

"Boy, do not get sentimental on me," Kurogane shook his head.

"I only meant that the stars remind me of her because she..."

"Stars in her eyes, in her teeth...there is nothing romantic about your situation right now, boy. You can look at the stars later, when she is by your side. Then you can say whatever sap you like—just say it to her, not to me."

Xiaolang almost smiled. "I will." He turned, and quietly began to walk back to his quarters.

**Who Her Heart Belongs With**

During their last days in Nihon, Syaoran and Xiaolang were cordial, but avoided each other. They knew the roles they would have to play, and being who they were, they accepted their roles as the prices they had to pay to rescue the two Sakuras. But neither knew which Sakura truly belonged with whom, and which one the Cardcaptor had truly loved. The uncertainty tore at their hearts.

_**He should be with the Princess! **_Xiaolang thought, as he looked at Syaoran talking with Fai.

_**I should be with Sakura! **_Syaoran thought, as he saw Xiaolang sparring with Kurogane.

Today, Syaoran and Xiaolang stood facing each other across a field of grass.

"You wanted them to train together," Fai said quietly to the ninja standing next to him.

"I told them to duel without magic," Kurogane grunted.

"You want them to get 'that' out of their systems, huh?"

"We need them to work together. Until they resolve 'that' they won't be of any damned use to us. If we're going to kill the bastard who killed my mother, we need those two to be at the top of their game."

"And you're not worried they'll kill each other?"

Kurogane snorted. "They know they need each other to save her."

"Kuro-pon is so wise," Fai said softly.

"Nicknames again?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow.

"Seems appropriate since we might die where we're going."

"You," Kurogane snarled. "Getting ready to give up?"

"Not this time. I promised her, remember? The clone Princess?"

"I remember: you said you would regard yourself as your most precious person from now on."

"And I intend to fulfill that promise, Kuro-wanwan."

Kurogane gave Fai a half-hearted glare, then turned back to watching the two younger men. When he did that, Fai smiled; it meant the ninja no longer hated him.

It felt like an eternity; neither Xiaolang nor Syaoran moved to attack first, each watching the other warily.

_**So this is what it's like to watch him, **_Xiaolang thought, _**instead of watching from inside him. **_Syaoran bore many scars suffered in service of the Princess, then later, in battling whole worlds for feathers. Somehow he seemed stronger, more confident, and Xiaolang hated having to admire his clone. _**He should have been with his Princess, not my Sakura,**_ Xiaolang thought bitterly; he was still unable to accept the magitude of what he felt Syaoran had stolen from him.

_**So this is what it's like to watch him, **_Syaoran thought, _**instead of just dreaming of him watching me.**_ Xiaolang was smoothly handsome in a way Syaoran despaired of ever being; he unconsciously rubbed a hand over a large scar where once his arm had been broken by Kurogane in pulling Syaoran off Fai. Once Xiaolang had gotten his bearings, he'd proven a better sorceror that Syaoran. Syaoran was thinking of the Princess he had left behind, and of Sakura, his wife. _**Shouldn't our marriage count?**_ he wondered. But if he were to have to remove Sakura's memories of him, then wouldn't her choice become Xiaolang?

A stone suddenly landed between the two young men, and both reacted instinctively, coming at each other furiously, sparks flying from their blades.

Blow after blow, it became clear that Xiaolang was the aggressor. He thrust and slashed, while Syaoran parried and defended. The clash and chink of their swords rang across the field, and Fai and Kurogane watched impassively.

Syaoran soon noticed how aggressive Xiaolang had become, and how close to tears he was. He rained blow after blow on Syaoran, who stopped resisting and allowed Xiaolang to disarm him. Xiaolang stopped a blow less than an inch from Syaoran's heart.

"You...You took my life...my Sakura...away from me," Xiaolang whispered.

"I didn't," Syaoran said defiantly. "I never stole Sakura from you!"

"Liar!" Xiaolang was no longer caring about the wetness in his eyes. "You loved her! Even if you had your Princess, you chose to forget about your Princess and go for Sakura...you even married her! Now she's carrying your child...the one that should have been mine!"

"Do you want me to apologize?" Syaoran roared back. "Do you? We're in this together, except at the end of this whole goddamned thing, she will return with you! And..." Syaoran raised his hands to his eyes, allowing some magic to pour from them, "I have to remove her memories of me with my own hands. That way the only love she will ever remember...is YOU! Tell me if that isn't payment enough—that I'm saving her so that YOU can be her lover...for the rest of her life! Because YOU'RE the one destined for her!"

Xiaolang reeled back, as though he'd been hit. He dropped his sword, and collapsed to his knees. "I've never even kissed her properly," he said hoarsely. "I was taken just minutes after our first kiss...and I couldn't save her from trying to save me."

Syaoran closed his eyes, and remembered what it was like to have Sakura kiss him. He knew he would carry that memory for the rest of his life...and he had a premonition it would not be for long.

"But when I first met her, all she could think of was you. She called me by your name several times—even after I first kissed her. By her reckoning, this was five years after you were taken. Five years alone and you were still on her mind."

"She called you by my name?" Xiaolang's voice was barely above a whisper. _**Sakura...so did she see me in Syaoran somehow?**_

"She never forgot you, don't you understand?" Syaoran couldn't see Xiaolang clearly now; his eyes were wet. "The first time I kissed her, she...she kissed me back, then called me 'Xiaolang'. Twice! And while she was traveling, she used to cast Mirror and Illusion to create you, and she told me she would snuggle up to the fake you and kiss and hug it." Syaoran's breath was hitching, and he raised the back of a hand to swipe at his eyes impatiently.

Xiaolang found he had to do the same. _**She loved me that much! **_

"Are you happy now?" Syaoran's voice had raised to a high pitch. "Now that I have my memories...I think I was a substitute for YOU!"

Xiaolang clenched his fists. Was that truly what had happened between Sakura and Syaoran, then? Since he and Syaoran technically were the same person, had Sakura, in her loneliness, succumbed to Syaoran due to something known as a 'body memory' which could have been triggered when she touched him?

"You think that makes me happy?" Xiaolang snarled. "Doesn't matter whether you were truly a substitute or not because it was YOU who was with her!"

Then suddenly, Xiaolang realized something that broke his heart. "And I KNOW her. Her heart...she would never use you to forget...forget me...If she loved you then it was for real!"

"You think Sakura loved me? Good!" Syaoran lashed out, and felt a perverse satisfaction when Xiaolang flinched. "But she never really forgot you! The only time she finally saw me...it wasn't until we began making...we..." Syaoran's voice trailed off, and he hesitated.

"Going to tell me you made love to her?" Xiaolang's eyes flashed dangerously. "Going to gloat over being her first, are you? Going to tell me how I'm never going to know what it's like?" His voice had risen almost to a scream.

"I'm not sorry I did! I loved her! It was natural!" Syaoran yelled. "I would do it all over again because Sakura wanted me, and it didn't matter why she wanted me! So long as she could be mine..."

"SHE WASN'T YOURS TO BEGIN WITH!" Xiaolang roared.

"I KNOW THAT!"

Xiaolang and Syaoran were almost nose-to-nose now, both with cheeks flushed with anger and grief. When Fai made a move to go to them, a firm, metallic arm held him back.

"Let them. Better they argue now, while we have time, than later, when we won't have that luxury."

"Forget it," Xiaolang threw himself backwards, then struggled to his feet. "Nothing is going to change, even if we killed each other now; what matters is Sakura."

"I don't know what's what anymore," Syaoran said. "All I care about is saving her."

A look of understanding finally passed between them.

"I'll never let Sakura die."

"Neither will I. I'll do anything it takes."

"Same here."

"Finally." Kurogane's voice boomed, startling the two. "Now we are ready to kick that asshole Reed's ass."

"Yeah. Candy to whoever delivers the killing blow," Fai said languidly.

"You bastard," Kurogane said without heat. "Jokes at a time like this?"

"When else?"

"Good point. Sake from me to whoever delivers the killing blow," Kurogane conceded.

"Are you going to add to the kitty?" Xiaolang had a tiny smile on his lips as he faced Syaoran.

_**Sakura goes home with whichever one of us deals the most damage to that bastard Reed, **_Syaoran thought, knowing he was being horribly selfish. Aloud he said, "No. Candy and sake sound fine to me."

"Just not at the same time," Fai said cheerfully, and all four, finally united, started the walk back to Nihon Castle.

**The King of Dreamers**

"A bonus," Fei Wong Reed smirked as he stroked the clone Princess' body, lying at the foot of his ebony throne, and looked at the body of Sakura Kinomoto appearing in front of him.

What would he do to Sakura? Reed was running through several delicious possibilities. Ravish her before discarding her? She was no longer useful except as bait for Xiaolang, after all, and he no longer needed Xiaolang. Drain her of her magic? Clone her as well?

In the darkness where she had fallen, inside an unconscious Sakura, something began to move. Something angry.

Someone wanted to hurt her Mistress, the only human who had cared enough to save her from her loneliness. And now someone wanted to take her away.

Voices began to sound from both within and outside of Sakura. Reed turned curiously.

_**We can't fight without her will / NO BUT WE MUST SAVE HER/ She is dying, we must / I WILL PUNISH HIM/ No you forget if you use your power she will lose her most precious feelings! That's why she hasn't used you yet! She will lose Syaoran! Will you make her pay using him? He is her husband/ AWAY GO AWAY NOW I WILL FIGHT HIM, HE DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED CAN YOU HEAR WHAT HE'S PLANNING TO DO TO HER?**_

As their Mistress was unconscious, a pink light and a magical circle glowed under her. A dark sphere engulfed Sakura, then faded as the brilliant colors of the world teleporting spell cast itself about her...and to Reed's horror, the body of the cloned Princess and the tube containing the real Princess' soul disappeared with Sakura.

Left behind was a small girl with wings on her head. Her eyes were large and cold. Reed stared at her.

_**YOU ARE HURTING HER. YOU ARE TAKING HER AWAY FROM US. THAT CANNOT BE ALLOWED!**_

_**Who is this girl? **_Reed sent a concentrated magical attack at the child...

...only for the attack to be swallowed by the strange orb surrounding her.

_**YOU WILL PAY FOR HURTING SAKURA. **_The girl's voice was chillingly calm. _**I WILL MAKE YOUR PRECIOUS THINGS DISAPPEAR.**_

And for the first time since he had set things into motion, Reed was afraid.

Which was why he never noticed the rainbow bubble that began to form behind him. When it burst, it disgorged four figures, all armed with swords.

Kurogane, Fai, Syaoran, and Xiaolang were ready to attack, but they were not ready for what they saw: Sakura disappearing into a strange sphere, along with the clone Princess' body and a strange tube. Only Xiaolang recognized the child, and he cried out to it, but was ignored.

First to go was Reed's throne; a loud noise crackled in the air, and then it simply wasn't there. Reed sent another attack at the child, whose eyes blazed with an almost insane intensity.

_**SAKURA SAVED ME ONCE. IT IS MY TURN TO SAVE HER.**_

Next to go were the female clones Reed had created. The magical mirror through which he watched the world and focused his power. The crystal chamber in which he had kept Xiaolang all those years in pursuit of his wish.

_**FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, HAVE YOU? **_The child began to cry, a high-pitched scream terrifying in its intensity. _**HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU? **_The cry went on and on; only Xiaolang, who had experienced it once, was able to keep his eyes open; Fai, Kurogane, and Syaoran were covering their ears and grimacing in agony.

Fei Wong Reed realized, to his horror, that he had forgotten what his precious wish was.

_**NOW YOU CAN GO TO THE DARK PLACE WHERE I USED TO BE. SINCE I CAN'T GO BACK TO SAKURA, YOU CAN BE WITH ME.**_

Reed stared at the child, and began, for the first time in his life, to scream with fear.


	11. Chapter 11

**First of all, my gratitude goes to two authors who have taken precious time out of their terrible schedules to work on this story with me. You two are wonderful!**

**Please welcome Blatant Subtleties, who is now working on this fic with me as co-author (good luck with your finals!). Several great lines here are from her. We are working to revise and extend Body Memories, and to downgrade the rating to "T" for posting on the TRC side under her account, so we hope you will join us when we've done the revisions. In case you didn't know, she is the awesome author of "The Ice Princess" in CCS; if you can't find it, it's because it's rated "M" for violence.**

**Next, much love to parma-violets for her beta-ing this chapter, and for catching a crucial, embarrassing error! Your suggestions are wonderful, and this chapter also owes much to you.**

**Finally, the next update will be in two weeks to a month due to schedules that are attempting to kill us. Thanks for being so patient!**

* * *

**Chapter 11  
Body Memories**

**Nobody Leaves Unscathed**

Before Void could completely swallow Fei Wong Reed, they were distracted by the arrival of his androids. A low growl burst from both Xiaolang and Syaoran; they remembered what the androids had been responsible for in their lives. Xiaolang's copper eyes blazed, and he yelled, "Kashin shourai!"

He remembered the first time he had seen them; he had been so young, and they had overwhelmed him and Sakura. The memory of Sakura screaming his name in anguish gave Xiaolang an unexpected source of power, and he focused his anger into his attack. This time, the fire that burst from him incinerated all in his path; Fai and Kurogane turned aside to shield their faces from the heat, and Reed was caught in the backlash.

Kurogane raised an eyebrow, and caught Fai's eye. Fai smiled, and pointed at Syaoran, who had chosen to hack his way angrily through the androids. He'd gotten so strong over the course of his travels that swathes of androids dropped with each sweep of Hien, which Syaoran had not chosen to set ablaze yet, and the force of his blows was creating a strong wind in the chamber, fanning the flames created by Xiaolang's attacks.

Kurogane harrumphed. "Boring," he bit out, clearly annoyed that there was nothing left for him to do.

"Not for them," Fai said quietly. The viciousness of the attacks by Syaoran and Xiaolang were almost terrifying in their intensity, betraying just how upset they both were.

"Kuro-puu wants some action," Fai teased. "Let them destroy those things." He placed his hands behind his head and watched as the two young men made short work of Reed's fearsome android army, unleashing their pent-up frustration and sorrow on the minions of the man who had caused them the unending upset in the first place.

Soon, there was a smoking mass of androids on the ground. Xiaolang straightened up, and surveyed the damage.

Which was when he realized that there was no Xin Huo, no cloned girls, no throne, no mirror...and Void was smiling as a dark sphere began to envelop her and Reed.

Xiaolang cried out, "Wait! Where's Sakura? What happened here?"

Void turned and recognized Xiaolang.

I TOOK AWAY THE THINGS HE LOVED.

"We...you were the Hope when I last saw you. Why have you changed back?"

HE TOOK HOPE AWAY FROM HER. WHEN SHE WAS FORCED TO SACRIFICE PART OF HER SOUL FOR THE OTHER YOU, I WAS SET FREE. YOU WERE NOT HER BELOVED WHEN I TOOK MY PRICE. I DID NOT TAKE AWAY HER MEMORIES OF YOU. I TOOK THE MEMORIES OF THE OTHER YOU TO SAVE HER.

Xiaolang turned pale. I was right, after all. She did love him! A coldness crept over his body, coupled with the despair of knowing that, in the end, Sakura had loved Syaoran more than she had ever loved him.

But if Syaoran had lived the relationship Xiaolang should have had with Sakura..._**then it means she would have done all this...for me!**_

"Where is she?" Xiaolang asked.

AT A PLACE WHERE SHE CAN HEAL, IN A DREAM. NOW HER ONLY MEMORIES OF LOVE IS HER LOVE FOR YOU, XIAOLANG. AFTER ALL, YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE SHE LOVED. THERE IS NO OTHER LOVE IN HER HEART NOW.

Xiaolang spared a glance for Syaoran, who had dropped to his knees; he understood, then. But Xiaolang could not spare the now-ashen faced Syaoran any pity, because he was thinking, _**now you know how I feel!**_

Void floated gently towards him, and reached out a hand to raise his chin. She bent to whisper into Xiaolang's ear. I SAVED YOU FOR A REASON, BACK IN THAT CLOCK TOWER. I NEEDED HER TO SAVE ME, AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, SHE HAD TO BE HAPPY. THAT'S WHY I SPARED YOUR MEMORIES, AND HERS. I SAW THAT SOMEDAY YOU WOULD HAVE TO SAVE HER IN THE DREAM WORLD. AND YOU MUST LOVE HER WITH ALL YOUR HEART BECAUSE I HAVE LEFT IT. YOU MUST SWEAR IT!

Xiaolang felt the blood rush back to his face. "Her only memories of love is her love for you..." echoed in his head, along with Kurogane's advice to seize what was his.

_**I have been given a chance I never thought I would have!**_

And he looked over at Syaoran, who was still almost corpselike in his paleness, and Xiaolang had the unpleasant feeling he was seeing into the future. He shook his head to clear his mind.

Void turned to Syaoran, who looked up at her beseechingly. "You're one of her cards...but you look different now."

She whispered, I AM SORRY. THE PRICE TO USE MY POWERS IS TO TAKE AWAY THE MOST CHERISHED FEELING FELT AT THE TIME. AND SO SHE HAS FORGOTTEN YOU. I HAD TO DO IT TO SAVE HER.

AND BECAUSE I AM THE VOID, I TELL YOU NOW THAT THE VOID IN HER SOUL MUST BE HEALED IF SHE IS TO LEAVE THE DREAM WORLD ALIVE. ONLY YOU CAN FILL THAT VOID.

"How?" Syaoran's anguished question was left unanswered; Void merely smiled at him.

IN YOUR HEART YOU KNOW. YOUR HEART IS SOMETHING NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM YOU. THERE IS ONE MORE SACRIFICE YOU MUST MAKE FOR HER IF YOU WANT HER TO LIVE.

Syaoran did not notice that he was crying. Sakura had been saved from Reed...now he wouldn't have to erase her memories of him...but what of their child? And somehow...had he been the one to remove her memories of him, he would at least have had a chance to hold her again, to see her again. Now his last memory of her...would it be that of running Hien through her?

Then he remembered the promise he had made to himself. It was his turn to sacrifice for Sakura now.

And he realized that it would be a series of sacrifices, not just one.

YOU SEE IT NOW. SAVE YOUR SON FIRST, THEN SAVE HER, Void said softly.

Syaoran started; despite himself, he felt a warm glow in his heart. We have a son, he thought. And she will live!

THE WITCH WILL TELL YOU HOW TO TRANSFER YOUR SON'S SOUL TO THE ONE WHO WILL BRING HIM INTO THIS WORLD. SAKURA AND THE PRINCESS ARE WITH HER. GO NOW.

Void smiled gently at Syaoran and Xiaolang. IN THE END YOU SHALL BE WHOLE. Who she meant, neither of them knew.

She then reached out her hand; in it was a tiny ball filled with feathers that she had taken from Reed. It floated towards Syaoran, who caught it almost tenderly; if it hadn't been for his obsession to obtain all the feathers, he might have never met Sakura. _**'I would never have known the greatest love possible,' **_he thought sadly.

And Sakura's smiling face floated through his mind; he smiled, and knew at that moment that he would dare all, give all, to see her smile that way again...even if it were for someone else.

Void then turned and floated towards Reed, touching his cheek gently, almost lovingly.

Fei Wong Reed could not remember why he was afraid, when the little girl was smiling at him.

Kurogane suddenly approached Reed, and Void smiled at him. He pulled out his sword, and said to Reed, "You don't deserve this mercy, but I do it so that you can never come back."

WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER. DON'T CRY, Void said tenderly to Reed.

Reed's blood arced across Xiaolang suddenly; Kurogane had slit his throat.

Void sighed happily, and a dark sphere formed as she picked his body up. NOW YOU SHALL BE MINE. Reed was still alive, his lifeblood spilling from the wound, but he could no longer scream. None of the four young men could find it in themselves to pity him at all.

THANK YOU, Void whispered as she disappeared.

Syaoran stood up. "We have to go back to the Witch," he said.

"Oh? How boring," Fai said cheerfully. "We came here armed for bear and a little girl beats us to it." He reached into his cloak and pulled out the crystal which would cast the spell to bring them back to Yuko's home, handing it to Xiaolang. "Here, you do it."

Xiaolang crushed the crystal between his fingers, and a rainbow bubble formed around the four. Right before they vanished, Fai's voice floated across the now-empty hall. "So what kind of candy would you like, Kurogane?"

"You idiot!"

0-0-0

Sakura woke up in her own bed. Birds were twittering cheerfully outside her bedroom window, and her room still had its familiar yellow walls, the pink bedspread, the large TV in the corner. _**I'm home,**_ she thought, then suddenly, she sat up quickly. _**I'm home!**_

She leapt out of bed, but paused when she saw herself in the mirror; she was naked. She gasped; _**how old am I?**_ After a while her mind supplied the answer: nineteen. Sakura groaned when she remembered that she had missed high school...and her father, Touya, Yukito-san, Tomoyo and her friends..._**but I'm home now!**_ Her mind worked quickly to fill in the odd blanks in her memory.

Clearly she was no longer a child, and yet when she swept her gaze around the room, her stuffed toys were still there, her school books dated only to the eighth grade. But the mirror told her she was a young woman.

_**Why can't I remember some things?**_

Her body...as she looked at it in the mirror, she suddenly had the memory of having watched someone caress her tenderly in front of one...but who?

_**Why do I have these memories? **_Sakura couldn't understand why her body would affect her so.

Curiously, Sakura touched the sides of her breasts, which were strangely heavy. When she did so, a strange emotion swept through her, one she could not identify. It was like longing for someone else to touch her, and she could not remember why she knew that she had been touched...that she had been loved...she had the feeling someone had kissed her deeply then trailed his lips downwards towards...

And she blushed when she realized that her body reactions meant something. _**Could we have...did we...are we...lovers? Oh god, have Xiaolang and I...?**_Redness blotched her cheeks; if she had that kind of memory, then..._**it means I found him, and it means I brought him home!**_

And she hugged herself; the idea of making love with Xiaolang sent thrills up and down her spine.

_**He's home, **_she thought, and her heart warmed. _**With me.**_

_**Xiaolang!**_Her mind screamed, and abruptly she realized..._**He has to be here somewhere! I have to go to him!**_

Sakura smiled when she realized that she wanted to see Xiaolang because she wanted to confirm whether they were lovers. _**Five years! Five years alone...I can't remember how I found him but**_...and she hugged herself again, feeling another pair of arms around her, a lean, muscled pair of arms that to her mind, could only be Xiaolang's.

Her gaze fell on the winged teddy bear he had given her all those years ago. On her desk was a photo of her with him, but they were so young...what did he look like now? Why couldn't she picture his face in her mind? Why was her memory incomplete? And why was she thinking of blue eyes? She shook her head to clear it.

She remembered searching for Xiaolang, and her last memory was thinking that the new world she had arrived in was pleasant. She remembered needing to do the laundry as she had her last pair of clean pants on, then releasing the cards to play...Cards! Where were they? And why wasn't Kero in the room?

Sakura's head spun; something was wrong and yet the scene was so tranquil. She pushed the thought aside as she tore across the room to find clothing. Everything was sized for her, although she recognized the styles to be those of when she first left Tomoeda five years ago to search for Xiaolang.

She never noticed how the room wavered when she turned her back on it or closed her eyes. Neither did she question why her old clothes still fit her.

She pulled on a pink sleeveless shirt and some jeans, and a pair of sneakers. Where were Touya and her father? Outside she could hear the sound of the neighbors having breakfast; perhaps breakfast was ready downstairs? She hurtled down the stairs, hoping they had fried shrimp for breakfast.

She was not prepared for what she would find.

0-0-0

Yuko was taking her afternoon tea when she saw a ball of pink light materialize inside her living room. A bloodied Sakura appeared, an odd tube next to her, and the body of the Princess Sakura lying under the tube. She raised an eyebrow; what had happened, then, inside Reed's fortress in Clow? And how had Sakura gotten injured?

Sakura was glowing pink, and Yuko quickly realized that her cards had transported her to safety. _**So she has absorbed them into herself, and yet they can act independently to protect her. Such is the power of their love for her! **_

Yuko knew they had been sent to her for a reason, and she knew better than to interfere with _**hitsuzen**_. She quickly examined the two sword wounds in Sakura's chest, and was surprised to note that Sakura was still alive, but in a deep sleep. Yuko allowed some magic to trace Sakura's chest, and realized that there was a feather inside her. She decided to leave it inside the young woman, because it was healing Sakura better than she was. Besides, retrieving the feather meant going into Sakura's dream world...and that wasn't her job.

Yuko then turned to the Princess. No, not the Princess; it was her clone, but now the clone was a soulless, empty shell that was only alive due to the feathers in her. The tube...a tiny glowing pink sakura petal was in it, and with a start, she realized it was the real Princess' soul. _**An interesting complication,**_ she thought, _**and I'm going to need help with this one.**_

Shouts from the courtyard outside alerted her to the arrival of the four young warriors, and she cast a spell to keep the door of her living room sealed until she could sort the oddness out. A loud banging on the door in barely a minute told her she'd made the right decision.

The Princess' clone's body was the best receptacle for the Princess' soul, except she would now have two sets of memories, something which might confuse her in the long run. And the sacrifice Syaoran had paid applied to the clone, but not to the Princess herself, and so the Princess' memories would dominate, allowing her to remember who Syaoran was. The poor Princess...if her soul were transferred into her clone's body, she would have her clone's body memories as well, which would only serve to intensify her already strong feelings for Syaoran.

Who was completely in love with Sakura. And the Princess was, in a manner different from her Card captor counterpart, a perceptive girl. _**She will know he loves another. **_There was but one way for things to progress...and that was to rush Syaoran into something he needed to do, before the Princess was at full strength.

Yuko sighed. Outside, Xiaolang and Syaoran were screaming at the top of their lungs, demanding to know where Sakura was. She looked down at the Princess. Poor child, Yuko thought. _**No one escapes Reed's touch unscathed.**_

She spoke in a loud voice.

"Shut up, both of you. I am tending to them." The hubbub died down. "Sakura is healing in another room and if you two don't want her to die, you will leave her alone! Syaoran, the Princess needs you now." And Syaoran disappeared in a bubble of light.

Xiaolang clenched his fists, then punched the wall; blood beaded on his knuckles, and he was immediately sorry for his loss of control. _**I will see her later. I must calm down.**_ And he began to breathe in and out in an ancient ritual of calming; he felt the anger leave him, and he walked out, into the courtyard.

Syaoran found himself inside the room, and his eyes were immediately drawn to Sakura. "Sakura!" he cried, and immediately, he knelt next to her. She was still wearing her wedding ring, and his heart leapt; he took her hand and kissed it, his tears splashing on her.

Yuko stood back and allowed Syaoran a moment with her. He'll need this for what he is about to go through, she thought, and a wave of pity swept over her for the young man, who was bending down to kiss the wife he thought he would never see again, whispering over and over to unhearing ears that he loved her. He picked Sakura up and cradled her in his arms, breathing in her beloved scent, relishing the feel of her skin against his own.

Presently, Yuko cleared her throat.

"Syaoran. I brought you in for a reason."

Syaoran straightened up, a blank look coming over his features. "Figured. Why? You wouldn't have brought me in to see Sakura ahead of Xiaolang without extracting a price from me."

Yuko indicated the Princess, and held out the tube to him. "You realize she was cloned as well, when she fell into that portal at the beginning of this whole mess?" Syaoran gasped.

"She's like me?"

"Not exactly; I still don't know why Reed chose to create her and destroy the real Princess' body in the process. He trapped the real Princess' soul in this tube, and sent the clone out with you."

"I've...been traveling..with a clone?" Syaoran felt betrayed; he'd risked death time and again for someone who wasn't even the girl he loved? And... "You made me pay!" He screamed at Yuko. "You put me through this!"

"No. Reed put you through this."

Syaoran calmed down. Yuko was right.

He asked, "So...why did she act like the Princess?"

"Because, she was a complete body and soul clone. She was as good as the real thing. But because she was a clone, when Reed took control of you in Tokyo, her touch could not waken you from what you had become. Sakura was a complete soul, and because you were cloned from the one she was destined for, you responded to her, and she to you. What you killed in the Nihon dream world was the clone's soul."

"But I ran my sword through Sakura!"

"The clone's soul, like the Princess, loved you, and sacrificed herself to save Sakura so that Sakura could save you."

Syaoran kissed Sakura's forehead, wondering if this would be the last time he would be able to touch her. He had a sinking feeling he knew what was coming next.

"Now the real Princess," and Yuko held out the tube, "is in here. This is her soul, and that," she pointed, "is her clone's body."

"So can't you put her there and save her?"

Yuko stared pointedly at Syaoran.

"God! What now?"

"First, you must retrieve your child's soul from Sakura."

Syaoran knew better than to ask why. "How?"

Yuko taught him the spell, and as Syaoran held his palm over Sakura's belly and repeated it, a small ball of light floated out, and flew into his chest.

"Now what?" Syaoran asked tiredly. "Why is the child in me?" His heart hurt; had Sakura been conscious, it would have broken her to know that she would no longer be a mother. _** I've had to hurt even the woman I love most!**_ He bent down to kiss her lips gently, apologetically; they were warm, and soft, and he could almost fool himself into thinking he was kissing a sleeping Sakura as they lay together in bed.

"You need to transfer your son into someone who is similar to his mother," Yuko interrupted.

Syaoran quickly realized what she meant. "I'm not going to transfer it into the Princess with a spell!" He looked horrified, and tightened his grip on Sakura.

"Not in the way you think." Yuko looked away, "To transfer your son, you must...make love to the Princess. Your son will live if he is in her. Without a suitable mother, your child will die."

Syaoran gritted his teeth. There appeared to be no end to the prices he had to pay, the terrible things he had to do. The Princess was barely out of childhood; was she ready to be a mother? Forcing motherhood on her...it would be like raping the Princess...and how the hell was he supposed to get her in bed? And..._**I love Sakura! My body responds only to her!**_

Closing his eyes, Syaoran looked away from Yuko, and down at Sakura's beautiful face. Apparently he had been created to explore the limits of one man's pain and agony, and while he had learned to fight physical pain, he would never learn how to numb himself from the anguish he was being put through.

"You want me...to do that to the Princess? To use her as a...receptacle...for our son?" His voice was low, but Yuko could hear how appalled he was at the implication. _**He is no longer in love with her, **_Yuko thought, _**yet he still cares for her.**_

"Nothing so vulgar as rape, Syaoran. She loves you, and with her clone's body memories, her feelings will intensify. I imagine you would find her very willing." Yuko said, knowing full well that a wish would be made very soon that she would not have the power to grant, but which the wisher would find a way to make reality.

Syaoran found he had gone cold, and only the warmth of Sakura in his arms strengthened his resolve. _**I won't let her...or our son...die, **_he swore silently.

In his arms, Sakura shifted, deep in a dream he could only imagine. Her mouth formed words but he could not read them. _**What I would give to look into your beautiful eyes again, and have you looking back at me with the love you always had in them, **_Syaoran thought sadly.

"So what else do you require of me?" Syaoran asked.

"Make the wish to move the Princess' soul into her clone's body," Yuko said.

"And what will I have to give up? I will not give up anything that will keep me from saving my wife," Syaoran said firmly.

"Return the magic of your eye to Fai," Yuko said.

"Ah. I see why you had me take my son into myself first," Syaoran said bitterly. "I have to applaud your planning."

"That will be the price." Yuko ignored his ranting.

"One I will gladly pay," Syaoran said. "Will I lose the blue eye, be blind again?"

"No," Yuko said. "Only the magic. Since you had an eye to begin with, you simply continue to see through it."

"Then do it. But," he paused, "I know about his curse. Don't give it back to him."

"It was broken while you were gone."

"I see."

"Syaoran?" Yuko paused before starting the spell. "You must take the Princess into another room once her soul is returned."

"What, and ravish her immediately?" Syaoran asked sarcastically.

"If you like."

"You evil bi..." Syaoran spat. "Sorry," he apologized immediately.

Yuko said nothing, knowing how much Syaoran was going through. He had not let go of Sakura once throughout their exchange; his love for her was just about all he had left. She raised a hand, and Syaoran felt something drain out of him; a purple ribbon flew out of his blue eye and shot through the door.

Outside, waiting in the courtyard, Fai felt the wave of magic barely seconds before it struck him. His golden eye glowed, and turned blue again. He felt the magic in his hands, and realized what had happened.

"No," he said softly. "No!"

"What is it?" Kurogane asked, then his jaw dropped open when he saw Fai's eye. "The kid...he returned your magic?"

Fai did not reply; instead, he turned to the window to hide the tears forming in his eyes. Syaoran had made the first of the last sacrifices he would ever make.

"We do not weep for those who are not yet dead," Kurogane said. Without even looking at Fai, he knew.

"It is one of the last gifts I can give to him," Fai said softly.

Inside the room, Syaoran waited as Yuko shattered the tube, and guided the petal into the Princess' clone's chest. The Princess' green eyes shot open, settled on Syaoran momentarily, then shut again.

"Witch...what must I pay to spend tonight with Sakura?"

"She won't wake," Yuko said.

"I know."

"The flame of your sword," Yuko said.

Wordlessly, Syaoran held out Hien. "Give me tonight with her. Please."

"Take the Princess to her room at the end of the second floor corridor. Leave Sakura here. I shall hold off Xiaolang. None of them must know you will be with her tonight. Ever. And do not return those feathers to the Princess until after you have transferred your son, because if you do, then you may not be able to complete the transfer; her body will reject the child."

Syaoran nodded. Reluctantly, he let go of Sakura; he placed her on the floor gently, stroked her hair, and kissed her lips. Then he picked up the Princess.

"Syaoran?"

He paused at the door, looking at her curiously.

"You know that only Xiaolang can go into the dream world to save Sakura, right?"

He sighed to show he understood, then turned around. The door slid open, and when he passed the courtyard carrying the Princess, Xiaolang, Fai, and Kurogane stared at him.

Xiaolang started; for a second, he'd thought Syaoran was carrying Sakura, but he quickly realized it was the Princess. He thought the expression he saw on Syaoran's face was tenderness; he never recognized it for the half-apology that it was.

"Where's Sakura?" Xiaolang asked, trying to hide the desperation in his tone and failing.

"No idea," Syaoran lied.

"Not going to her?" Xiaolang asked.

Syaoran didn't say anything, but turned to bring the Princess to the room Yuko had indicated. They followed him. The Princess stirred restlessly in Syaoran's arms. She was soft, but she smelled wrong...she was like roses and peonies, while Sakura smelled sweet, like fruits and candy. Her hair had grown somewhat, and the Princess had filled out while he was gone. _**If I pretend she is Sakura, then maybe...**_

Xiaolang watched Syaoran. Something had changed in Syaoran, but Xiaolang couldn't place what it was. As they reached the room, Fai wordlessly slid the door open, and Syaoran nodded, then placed the Princess on the bed, covering her with the sheets. He almost turned to leave, but caught himself in time.

"Where are you going?" Xiaolang asked.

"I need a washcloth for her," Syaoran said, and left the room.

The three men watched as the Princess moaned, then opened her eyes. Her eyes landed on Xiaolang, and she smiled sleepily.

"Syaoran-kun?" Her voice was filled with love.

"Sorry, no, Princess," Xiaolang said softly. "He went to get a washcloth for you."

The Princess put a hand to her head. All she remembered was going to the ruins to see Syaoran, bursting with love for him. There were other memories crowding the edge of her awareness, and her head began to ache.

Fai took her hand gently. "Princess, you must rest."

She sat up suddenly. "I want Syaoran here," the Princess said. "I don't want to lose him again!" Her voice was strong, despite her otherwise fragile appearance and Fai felt a twinge of sorrow in his heart at the thought of what was in store for the innocent young girl, as well as the young man who had sacrificed his all to save his love.

As Syaoran entered the room, the three took their leave, Fai refusing to meet Syaoran's eyes, only muttering a hasty "You shouldn't have," as he exited.

Syaoran's hand shot out to grip Fai's arm.

"I had to."

"Syaoran..." Fai's tone was anguished. "There is a limit to what you can give."

"Not for love," Syaoran said. "For her, I will do everything."

And Fai knew he did not mean the Princess.


	12. Chapter 12

**Body Memories Chapter 12**

**Co-authored by SilentCynara and Blatant Subtleties**

**Authors' notes: 1) We don't own CCS or TRC**

**If you are offended by sexual content, then please skip this chapter. Thank you!**

**Long chapter warning, and major angst uncorked on almost everyone.**

**Mild Kuro-Fai-ness, so if you're allergic to that, don't read!**

* * *

**I Talk to Pain**

The four young warriors sat quietly in the Princess' room, none of them speaking. Syaoran sat next to the Princess, but only Fai noticed that he wasn't looking at her but was lost in his own thoughts. He could tell that Syaoran was torn between feelings of disgust with himself and pity for the Princess, and that he was desperately trying to reconcile himself with the terrible necessities he now faced.

He sighed, a gesture that did not escape Kurogane, who eyed him thoughtfully.

Across the room, Xiaolang was almost blind to Syaoran; he was caught up in his own thoughts. To finally have Sakura so near and yet so far...it was like being thrust again into the times when he was eleven and he was her constant companion yet unable to touch her the way he really wanted.

He was annoyed at himself for wanting her; his brief glimpse of Sakura in the dream world had shown him an incredibly beautiful young woman, even more gorgeous than he'd once imagined she would be when they got older. Xiaolang knew time had moved differently for them, and yet...though he knew she'd belonged to Syaoran first, he was shocked to discover that he was looking forward eagerly to going into the dream world to finally be alone with her.

And, the thought making him blush faintly, he was looking forward to being the only one in her heart.

_**Wait for me, Sakura.**_

And so Xiaolang pushed himself to his feet. The others looked at him, save for Syaoran.

"I don't know where she is," Syaoran lied, correctly guessing what Xiaolang wanted.

"Sya...Do...do you want to look for her?" Though it cost Xiaolang everything to invite his clone, his rival, to join him—and his small, strained voice betrayed it—he did so nonetheless. Syaoran was, after all, still Sakura's husband, and Xiaolang realized that Syaoran would have to rescind their marriage and let Sakura go.

_**I could never do that; I would probably die first, **_Xiaolang thought, and he looked at Syaoran with commiseration.

Syaoran realized what the expression on Xiaolang's face meant; _**gods below, he's feeling sorry for me! **_He turned away, instead facing the Princess, and said, "You go look for her. I'll stay with the Princess."

He felt a hand on his arm; it was Xiaolang.

"I want to talk to you," Xiaolang said. "Please," he added. 

There it was, what Syaoran had been dreading. He knew Xiaolang would want to discuss Sakura's future. He sighed, and stood up. He already knew what he wanted to say. "All right then."

As the two younger men left the room, Kurogane grunted, "He's going to have to end their marriage; the boy," and Fai nodded to show he understood that Kurogane meant Xiaolang by 'boy', "will not allow himself to be in an adulterous relationship."

"He loves her," Fai said.

"They both do, damn it."

"Wow, Kuro-pon is perceptive." But Kurogane looked at Fai; there was no teasing, no lightness in the mage's voice. The ninja was concerned, against his own will. He stood up, and sat next to Fai; his strong presence comforted the mage, who touched his hand lightly, and smiled.

"The kid is going to have to end their marriage before the boy can go back to his world with his girl," Kurogane said. "Do you think the kid knows what he..."

"He does," Fai said mournfully.

"And that's why you're miserable. After what he put you through, you still care, even if he deserves to pay..."

"Let it go, Kuro-wan," Fai said gently. "It wasn't his fault, and you can see he's been trying to make up for it. See, my eye is blue."

"That's what bothers me. _**His**_eye is still blue. Why is that?"

Fai debated whether to tell the ninja the real reason for the blue eye, and what Syaoran intended, then decided against it, remembering what the ninja had once told him about hating people who didn't value their lives. _**It's not that Syaoran doesn't value his life; he values someone else above it, and he doesn't deserve to be hated for loving someone so much.**_

"Well...at least it helps us tell them apart at first glance," Fai chuckled lightly.

Kurogane raised an eyebrow, knowing it wasn't Fai's original answer, but decided not to press the mage. Instead, he replied softly, affectionately, "Idiot."

"I know," and Fai smiled at him gently. They sat, side by side, comforted by each other's presence, each an anchor for the other in a world that simply made less and less sense as the days passed.

Outside, in the courtyard of Yuuko's home, two young men faced each other. The last three times this had happened, they'd ended up battling; this time, though, the battle was different.

"I will end my marriage to Sakura," Syaoran said without preamble. Xiaolang started, and Syaoran continued, "I know she cannot return to Tomoeda without you, and you cannot be with her if I'm still her husband. And so I renounce my claims to her, completely."

Staring incredulously at Syaoran, Xiaolang knew how much his words were costing the other young man, who was staring off into the distance as he spoke. Xiaolang, in turn, was trying to respond but nothing came out; he had no words because he realized that he finally understood what Syaoran was going through. _**Had I been in his place...God, I wouldn't...I probably couldn't let her go! **_And he was ashamed of himself when he realized it.

"But I ask...no, I **demand**one thing of you. You will love Sakura for the rest of your life; you will be faithful, you will always take care of her. And you will_**never, ever punish her **_for being with me," Syaoran said fiercely. "Swear it, Xiaolang!"

Xiaolang walked over to face Syaoran squarely. "I swear it on my life, Syaoran. And you didn't have to ask it of me. I love Sakura, I always have. I could never love anyone but her. How could you even think that I could punish her, or hurt her..."

"No, I _**had**_to ask it of you. I didn't go through all this...this...only to leave Sakura with someone who didn't love her, or who would hurt her," Syaoran said forcefully. 

And Xiaolang realized that Syaoran loved her still with what was bordering on desperation, loved Sakura enough to give her up, loved her enough to do what needed to be done. 

_**And I can do no less.**_

"You won't," Xiaolang said. "I promise that I will always love her."_**For both of us, **_he added silently.

Syaoran turned and walked back into Yuuko's home, towards the Princess' room, leaving Xiaolang standing there, pity mingled with a reluctant admiration for Syaoran. Around him, leaves fell, and a gentle wind blew, reminding him of the day he'd first admitted to himself that he loved Sakura.

To his surprise, a tiny blossom wafted towards him, and he caught it in his hand. It was a small, pink sakura blossom. Xiaolang lifted his head, and smiled. Finally, the gods were being kind to him, and he stood there, lost in memories of Sakura, until night stole over him.

Syaoran entered the Princess' room and immediately realized that Fai and Kurogane had been talking about him, because they eyed him curiously when he entered.

"Had a nice talk with Xiaolang?" Fai asked.

He grunted in response, and took up his perch next to the Princess. She stirred when he sat down, then her green eyes flew open.

"Syaoran!" She was beautiful, almost as beautiful as his little blossom Sakura._**Always there's the 'almost', **_Syaoran thought sadly. He turned to the Princess and smiled.

"I'm here, Princess."

The Princess was surprised to notice that he was scarred in many places, and her heart ached to know that it was on her behalf..._**now how did I know that? **_She reached out a hand, and Syaoran took it in his. She was startled to feel his rough hand against her delicate skin, and the difference between them made her blush. And something...his touch made her feel something else now, made her feel warm and thrilled at the same time.

"Oh, Syaoran," she said softly. Behind Syaoran, Kurogane and Fai melted out the door, not wanting to interrupt their reunion.

For Syaoran, it was bittersweet. He'd spent the better part of their travels together dreaming of the moment when she would wake up and recognize who he was...and now the moment was here, and he was sad for her. He could see that her own memories were overpowering the restriction his sacrifice had imposed on her clone, leaving her feeling more intensely towards him.

And now he was in love with someone else. He felt horrible, and so he tried to make up for it by holding her gently.

The Princess turned her face up to look at her beloved. Syaoran was taller now, older, and...dare she admit it...more handsome. Certainly Syaoran had always been good-looking, even when they were children, but now...she could feel something else tugging at her. She almost blushed when she realized that she was curious about how he would kiss, what he would look like with less clothes on, how he might touch her...Stop it!

But she couldn't; every molecule of her body was yearning for Syaoran. And when he looked at her with that gentle look in his eyes...

"Syaoran...your eye..."

Syaoran raised a hand to his blue eye, and reddened; how in hell was he supposed to explain that?

"I...I can see out of it now. It's...kind of a long story...I..."

"I kind of like it," she smiled impishly. "You look good," she flirted lightly, and watched for his blush...which never came.

She missed the shadow that passed across Syaoran's handsome face at her last sentence. 

"Did that man with the blue eye help you?" It was a second before Syaoran realized she meant Fai.

"...You might say that," he said.

"That was very kind of him. You must be close," the Princess said. Her hand had crept into his, and she leaned in towards him, breathing in his beloved scent. Syaoran had always made her feel safe; it was like finding home in a person, and she knew she would always love him. _**I hope he feels the same way too!**_

"We became friends over our travels...and he...he's been a source of strength for me, Princess," Syaoran said, not untruthfully. Her eyes on his face were adoring, and he was becoming embarrassed by his lack of a response. He forced himself to smile at the Princess, and when he told himself, _**this is my little blossom, Sakura, **_it was easier. Since her hair had grown longer, the illusion was easier to sustain; save for the missing scar on her cheek, she could have been Sakura.

The Princess sat up, and Syaoran gently helped her up. She snuggled against his chest, wanting to feel him near; she surprised even herself with her boldness, but...it felt like he had been gone for a lifetime, and she didn't want to have him there and not feel his touch. After his initial surprise, he let her lie there, placing his arms around her in the embrace he knew she wanted.

He was so warm, something the Princess had always liked about him. Syaoran breathed steadily in and out, and the motion of his chest comforted her. _**How can I not love you?**_

"Call me Sakura," she said suddenly.

"Princess?"

"I told you. Call me Sakura. Remember? I'm sure you remember my name," and her voice was playful, teasing...and innocent. What Syaoran had loved so about her once now painfully reminded him of another Sakura, whom he loved desperately but in vain.

"I do...Sakura," he replied as he closed his eyes, and smiled at her. The Princess' heart leapt; he was still the same old Syaoran in many ways, although he seemed sadder.

"Syaoran, we can go home soon," she said happily. "Once I recover my strength."

"But your feathers are not complete."

Somehow the Princess knew what he was talking about. _**Why do I know all this**_?

"I don't care. Syaoran, we're old enough. We can marry when we return to Clow. I don't ever want us to be apart ever again!"

And Syaoran had to fight to breathe past the giant lump in his throat, fighting the feeling that he was no better than the monster he once was. _**No, this is worse, **_he thought. _**Because I know what I'm doing, and I'm doing it of my own free will.**_

"I still have something to do, Prin...Sakura," he said softly, and he stroked her hair gently.

"No, Syaoran," she said fiercely, and he looked down into determined green eyes. He had to laugh, and she smiled. "Don't leave. Come back. Because...because...I lo...oh..." Syaoran felt her droop in his arms, and he knew that the body-soul integration was still taking something out of her.

"You must rest," he said gently. "Please. Save your strength."

But she was already asleep, smiling, her hand in his. Syaoran gently laid her back on the bed, pulling the sheets over her, and his heart froze when she smiled, and whispered, "Oh Syaoran," in her sleep.

He sat there watching her, trying to relive his memories of loving her. But each time, thoughts of his blossom, Sakura, interrupted, and he hated himself even more. At some point Kurogane and Fai had returned to the room, neither remarking on Xiaolang's disappearance, but quietly resuming their original posts.

When the last rays of the sun disappeared from the horizon, Syaoran stood up from his dazed perch on the floor and after mumbling a vague excuse to Fai, who was not fooled, and Kurogane, who merely grunted in reply, left the Princess's room. 

Syaoran cautiously pushed his way into the room where Sakura was; just as the Witch promised, the door slid open only on his touch. He felt something sharp twist inside him as he wordlessly watched his Blossom's chest rise and fall gently; he knew it would be the last chance he would get to be with her, but he couldn't bring himself to take a single step towards her. 

_**I don't really want to let her go.**_ Syaoran knew his thoughts were unreasonable, yet he couldn't stop himself. One of her fingers twitched slightly and Syaoran was by Sakura's side in a flash, all previous misgivings having made themselves scarce. As he cradled her small body in his arms and inhaled her sweet scent, Syaoran couldn't recall why he had been hesitating in the first place.

"My blossom," he breathed, nuzzling the crook of her neck with a sad smile on his face. "Did I ever tell you that you're my world?" Placing feather-light kisses on each eye, Syaoran laughed shortly. "I probably did in all those years." The sad smile had vanished completely. "We spent years together and it seems like just days."

All thoughts of the Princess forgotten, Syaoran tried to pretend he was kissing a sleeping Sakura who would wake soon. He caressed her gently, and when the sheets fell off her, he saw that the gaping wounds in her chest had been healed. Syaoran was somewhat annoyed that she'd been left naked under the sheet, and found a second blanket to keep her warmer. She shifted, and gave out a tiny sigh when he touched her.

He hadn't imagined it. Sakura's body was responding to him; she was breathing faster, and Syaoran smiled.

Syaoran stared at the finger that had moved barely a minute ago and, feeling a prickly sensation in his eyes, blinked rapidly to try to dispel it. "I know that because of the Void, you don't remember me anymore," he said finally, choking back the misery that his words caused him. "But if some small part of you, if not your heart then your body, manages to keep my memory alive in you..." 

Warm tears fell against Sakura's cheeks as Syaoran's resistance crashed and he pressed his lips against hers; a sob broke through when her soft mouth, usually vigorously responsive, now lay passive beneath his own. He contented himself with kissing the scar he had given her by accident so long ago; he prayed it would somehow remind her of him.

He placed his forehead lightly against hers, and gripped her to him firmly, wishing more than anything else that Sakura would wake up and he could gaze endlessly into her lovely green eyes. That she would call him "Wolf" one last time.

Wiping away the tears that had fallen against her face, Syaoran said hoarsely, "I love you so much. Please don't forget, Sakura." Though he knew it was a vain hope, he said, "Stay with Xiaolang and let him remind you of me. And...please be happy. I want...I need you to be happy. No matter what it takes. Even if it means being happy with someone else." He choked back a sob. "At least it's with_**him**_. In a way, it's like being with me. I'm not making sense, am I?" A half-laugh, half-sob escaped him.

Delicately tracing the shell of her ear, Syaoran promised, "I will not leave you like this. Xiaolang," his voice cracked on the name, "may be the more obvious saviour, but I will play my part." He looked away from her, and said softly, "I will make you whole again, Sakura. I promise." _**So please, don't forget. And be happy.**_

Nobody would know that Syaoran spent the entire night in the same position, rocking his beloved back and forth while trying to draw solace from the fact that she was all his, for this one last time. 

They would never hear the near-desperate chant Syaoran kept up all night, "I love you, my little blossom, my Sakura. I won't forget." 

There wasn't a soul around to see the once-heartless killer rub his eyes furiously to keep away the tears that constantly threatened to spill, before abandoning all pretence and letting them pour down his face.

And no one would know, not until much later, that when the dawn broke, Syaoran slipped Sakura's wedding ring off her left hand (kissing it tenderly though he was nearly blind with tears by then), strung it on a purple cord, and wore it around his neck for the rest of his life.

* * *

Xiaolang sat alone in a dark room, far away from the Princess and the others after having been sent there by Yuuko. He'd run into her when he returned to the house, but the witch had evaded all his questions regarding Sakura's whereabouts, only saying, "She is being taken care of. You'll see her tomorrow." 

Her words did nothing to ease Xiaolang's unrest and longing. He only wanted to see his childhood sweetheart and spend as much time with her as he could, after having been deprived of her presence for five years now. He felt a slight pang of remorse for Syaoran, who was probably going through what he had faced inside the tube. But his delight at being able to be with Sakura again overpowered any regret he might have had for Syaoran.

'It really has been too long,' Xiaolang mused. 'She isn't the middle-school girl I held in my arms so long ago, anymore. She's grown.' The thought managed to bring a blush and a frown simultaneously on Xiaolang's face. No matter how long he had with Sakura, he had the unwanted information of knowing that he would never be her first anything. 

He pushed the unworthy thought away immediately. _**That doesn't matter right now,**_ he thought, shaking his head slightly. He needed to get her back to Tomoeda safe and sound.

And so he prepared to enter the dream world by remembering her. 

But the trouble was that he remembered a girl. He hadn't had the desires he did now; he didn't want to stop at kisses anymore. He wanted to feel what it was like to truly love her, to really be one with her, and now that he knew he had been destined for her, Xiaolang felt impatient.

So he wandered around Yuuko's home in the darkness. Something drove him towards one particular door, and, having lived with premonitions and auras all his life, he obeyed the instinct. When he slid it open, he found himself in a library.

Xiaolang smiled. He'd always liked books; Sakura and Tomoyo had loved teasing him about it when they were in grade school. He turned on the lights, and found a pile of books on the desk. Opening one, he blushed hard; it was an illustration of a couple making love. Underneath it, the text read, "Woman's pleasure is man's duty."

Yet he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't help thinking someone had placed these books there for him to find, and he was grateful. Xiaolang sat down, and began to read through the books, surprised to find that he was happy, that he was able to see himself giving Sakura the intimate caresses he read about..._**the ones I should have been the one to give her. Not Syaoran! **_

Though he wouldn't willingly admit it, the middle-schooler in Xiaolang was determined not to be a fumbling, stammering, clumsy idiot when he finally got the chance to see Sakura. And he would never, ever admit it, but his pride refused to let his clone outdo him in the delicate matter of loving her. _**No more blushes. No more hesitation. I need to show you how much I love you. And we have so much time to make up for! I may not be the first, but I'll be damned if I'm not the one who makes you the happiest!**_

When daylight flooded into the library, he was still deep into the books, learning how to love Sakura and make her happy. 

And a ninja smiled when he passed the library door, and saw Xiaolang earnestly studying the books.

* * *

At the crack of dawn, the Princess plodded around Yuuko's shop, trying to find the witch. She frowned at the thought of the two men who had been asleep in her room, feeling a vague sense of recollection upon seeing their faces, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't put a name to either face. 

Shaking her head to clear the thoughts, the Princess spotted long black tresses disappearing inside the room closest to her. She hurried forward and peeped inside, sighing in relief when she saw it was indeed Yuuko before a cold sense of dread crept up her spine. _**Now is not the time to become nervous. She is the only person who can grant your wish.**_

Something was not right about Syaoran; she'd felt it in him yesterday. When she'd woken up to find that he wasn't by her side, she was worried. 

"Princess, please don't keep waiting by the door," Yuuko called, causing the Princess to jump a foot in the air.

Hesitantly, she entered the room, trying to steel her resolve with every step she took. "I don't mean to be a bother, Yuuko-san..." Sakura began slowly.

"You would like a wish granted?" The dimensional witch knew she would never be able to fulfil the girl's desire, but she couldn't say anything unless the Princess found the courage to ask.

Her face was red as she nodded. The Princess stared at a spot on the ground for a minute before bursting out passionately, "Please don't let Syaoran leave my side again! Allow us to be together for the rest of our lives, Yuuko-san!"

Yuuko noticed the tears that had formed in the Princess's eyes and sighed deeply, knowing there would be more to come. "I'm afraid I can't grant that wish, Princess."

The Princess thought her heart had shattered. Wringing her hands in despair, she asked, "But why? Is there something wrong with me?"

Placing a gentle hand on the young girl's face, Yuuko replied, "It has nothing to do with you." For the first time, she found herself at a loss for words, feeling a crushing sense of pity for the young people who had suffered the most in the whole mess. "Syaoran... he -"

Yuuko was not looking at her, and suddenly, horribly, a sense of foreboding enveloped the Princess. Now she understood what she had felt the day before: it had been a premonition.

"He's going to die?" The pain she had been feeling before was a speck on the landscape compared to the anguish that threatened to take her apart. The tears that had been at the ready barely a minute ago had dried up at Yuuko's sympathetic look.

"Nothing is written in stone, Princess. Rather, though, that Syaoran has something he must do, and the cost to him will be great." 

Her body felt numb – too numb – and it felt like days had passed before she regained her bearings, with a small idea formed in her head. It was barely a consolation, but she needed something that would help her get through the days without Syaoran at her side.

"I don't care about my feathers anymore; I...I want...I love him!" The words burst from her mouth. "I...Take all my feathers to save him!"

Yuuko looked out the window, searching for words that weren't lies but which would comfort the Princess. _**The past. Her comfort lies in the past. **_"Not even that is enough, and I am truly sorry, Princess. Know though that Syaoran loved you so much he gave up everything the night he first arrived here...for you." And it was the truth. The Princess didn't need to know how Syaoran felt now. "I'm sorry, but he will probably have to leave you tomorrow to finish what he has set out to do."

_**I cannot cry! **_Yet tears sprang to the Princess' eyes. It was unfair; she hadn't, she wouldn't even have the chance to spend time with Syaoran anymore. It was so wrong, and the Princess wanted to scream, to fight something, to rail at a world that had been nothing but cruel to them. She had an idea of what was happening, but her memories were still fragmented, and she knew that she would hurt more once they became complete.

She coughed slightly before staring up at Yuuko dully. _**I love Syaoran so much and yet I can't do anything!**_

Then, a sudden strength came from somewhere in her, something that told her she could not afford to lose Syaoran again. "I would like to...I want...Please give me one last night with him. I want to tell him what I never told him before, and..."

Yuuko had been expecting it. She said comfortingly, "You don't need me to grant that wish. It's all in your hands."

The Princess clenched and unclenched her small fists, looking determinedly out the window, clearly deep in thought. Then she looked at Yuuko, a firm determination in her eyes. Even Yuuko was surprised by the girl's next words.

"Can you guarantee that I will have Syaoran's child? Because I...I want to keep him alive somehow!" Her chin was determined; though she had no experience whatsoever with what she was talking about, she understood that lovemaking was the highest expression of love. And she blushed faintly; it would be her final gift to him, her innocence, and she was sure that he was just as innocent as she was.

"You are barely eighteen, Princess. Are you sure? Because if you allow Syaoran into your bed tonight, you will surely conceive."

The Princess' heart leapt in joy. "I am sure. I love him."

"Then your wish can be granted only by you."

Bowing a little stiffly, the Princess murmured, "Thank you, Yuuko-san," before walking out of the room, the wheels turning in her brain. 

_**It might just work**_, she thought, trying to reassure herself by thinking of it as the only way left for them to show each other their love before fate played its cruel hand. _**I know he loves me too! Yuuko said so!**_

Too lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice her observer until she bumped into him, exclaiming a surprised "Oh! Sorry!" before taking stock of the person before her. 

Although she had never spoken to the man before, she found herself being able to associate him with a name, part of the sudden flow of memories that penetrated her mind. "Fai-san?" the Princess asked carefully.

Fai said cheerfully, "Glad to see you're up, Sakura-chan. Are you feeling better?" He was not surprised to see where she had come from, and he knew...she had made a decision that would allow yet another thing he had foreseen to happen. And he smiled to push back his sorrow.

"Yes, thank you," she replied warmly. Her voice did not reveal the emotions she was feeling, coupled with an intense surge of affection towards Syaoran, for reasons she could not begin to comprehend. Trying not to sound too eager, the Princess asked, "Have you seen Syaoran around?"

The smile didn't slip, but the Princess thought she saw a shadow flit across Fai's face. "Not yet, but I'll be sure to tell him you were looking for him. I think he's preparing for something."

She smiled brightly in gratitude and flounced away, looking a little happier than when she had left the witch's room. Fai glanced up at Yuuko, who had stepped outside and said, no longer smiling, "I know I mustn't interfere."

"What is destined must come to pass, Fai-san." Her tone was heavy with regret.

"It can be forestalled, can't it?" It was only because she was perceptive that Yuuko was able to hear the desperation in Fai's words and she looked away from the magician, because they both felt sorry for the two young people who had once been destined for each other (before the King of Dreamers had meddled and destroyed so many lives), who tonight should have been reunited in joy and making love for the first time in a lifetime of loving.

"But it cannot be stopped."

* * *

Syaoran had wandered around the area surrounding Yuuko's establishment all day, worrying about transferring his son's soul into the Princess...and how he had to do it. He knew he didn't have a lot of time but it pained him to think about making love to anybody who wasn't his Blossom. His fists clenched as he thought angrily, _**I can't think that she's mine anymore. It will only make doing this harder.**_

When he had first met Sakura, he could not tell the difference between the two. Now, the smallest things jumped out at him, like the way Sakura smelled and the way her hair fell across her forehead; so similar to the Princess, yet to him, they were painfully obvious differences. The fact that they shared nearly-identical faces was breaking his already beaten-up heart, and he didn't know how much more he would be able to bear.

Despite wanting to get the ordeal over and done with, Syaoran couldn't bring himself to find the Princess during the day. He was sure he would wind up apologizing to her over and over; after all, he had once loved her. He didn't want to give her his half-hearted attention, when he knew so well that she was completely in love with him. _**Just like I was before I met Sakura.**_

_**The Princess doesn't deserve this! **_His fist clenched, and the Princess' face on the day before that terrible beginning, when she had lost her feathers and been cloned, in Clow Country floated through his mind. She'd come to his house, and had been about to tell him something; she'd been interrupted by the palace bell, and said, "What I wanted to say to you? I'll definitely say it someday, so just wait."

Now he understood that she had been about to confess her love for him, and he felt a pang of remorse. Had she been able to tell him, things would have been so much different...wouldn't they? But then there was Tokyo...and he winced when he remembered that as his evil self, he had shaken off the Princess' clone when she begged him to stay. _**She will have that memory soon, too, **_he thought. 

And he wondered again why her touch hadn't affected him at all. He already knew why but he still wished that the Princess...more accurately, her clone...had been the one to bring him back to himself.

Had Syaoran never met Sakura, would he have found his way back to himself somehow? That he couldn't answer it was tearing him apart.

His feet led him back to Yuuko's. Syaoran stopped by a window, finding himself unable to appreciate the magnificent sunset. Images of the times that he had spent alone with Sakura watching other sunsets flashed in his head and he closed his eyes, willing them to give him the strength to do what was required of him. 

But the memories...Sakura had watched the sunset with him one last time—though neither had known it then, snuggled in his arms outside their little cottage some time before Princess Tomoyo had appeared to them, turned to him then kissed him tenderly, saying, "I want to see the rest of the sunsets and sunrises of my life with you, Syaoran." Touched to his core, Syaoran reached out for Sakura, caressing her cheek gently; she had turned to him, and kissed him hard, as if begging him to make the promise to see sunrises and sunsets with her in his kiss. 

And he had. They had made love then, and Syaoran felt that this was when their son had been conceived, because her responses to his movements were even more passionate than usual.

Their son...Syaoran touched his chest and felt the life in him flutter gently. Sakura had once told him that when they had children, she would like to call a son Syaoron, "little dragon" because "his father is a reservoir of fire", she had teased him gently. And so he had thought of the child in him as "Syaoron" since then.

Closing his eyes made things better.

His head shot up as he felt a hand grip his shoulder firmly. "Fai-san?"

"Sakura-chan was looking for you, Syaoran-kun," Fai said softly. He knew Syaoran understood which Sakura he was referring to when he saw a look of defeat appear in the younger one's eyes.

"Thank you," Syaoran said blandly. "I'll go to her now."

"Syaoran-kun..." Fai began, wanting to spare him the sorrow. He was stopped by Syaoran's decisive expression.

"I will do anything for Sakura." Smiling slightly, Syaoran departed towards the room that the Princess had occupied the night before. He didn't turn back to see Fai slump against the wall, covering his grief-stricken face with his arm.

Pushing open the door, Syaoran was only partly surprised to find himself plunged in darkness, the only light coming from the open doorway. "Pr – Sakura?" He stopped himself just in time, as he closed the door behind him, silently thanking the darkness for making the task a little easier on him.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Syaoran realised she was lying on the bed, with the covers raised up to her chin. The small act of shyness immediately reminded Syaoran that the woman before him was definitely different from his wife. With a pang, he recalled how proud – almost defiant – she had been of her nudity, once they became accustomed to each other's presence. Sakura had known that her body gave him pleasure, and she had enjoyed watching his reactions to her just as much as he loved seeing her in ecstasy over his caresses; once, she had even surprised him as he came home from the university by opening the door naked. They'd forgotten about dinner that night; Syaoran smiled as he recalled how they had made love before even closing the door.

_**Stop thinking of Sakura!**_

"Syaoran?" It seemed as though her voice was blushing for her, and the Princess wanted to smack herself silly for the nervousness she was feeling all over again. This was her childhood friend in front of her. Her best friend in the world whom she had fallen completely in love with. She knew he wouldn't laugh at her, and he would never hurt her.

She could see Syaoran in the moonlight, and again she saw that he'd grown taller, his muscles better defined, his face more solid. The Princess realized that he'd become a man, and blushed again; her body was reacting to him, a strangely hollow need forming somewhere in her chest, yearning for him to hold her, to touch her...to make her his. 

_**I want him to make love to me!**_

Raising herself, not caring that the sheets were teetering on the brink of revealing her nakedness to him, she said timidly, "Can you hold me, please? It's been so long we've been together."

The Princess felt her heart soar in joy as warm arms enveloped her and she didn't care that her sheet was slipping as she wrapped her arms around Syaoran's neck and pressed her body firmly to his. She knew she would burst into tears if she thought of it as her only intimate experience with Syaoran or the last time she would be able to touch him; instead she looked at it as a symbol of undying love, a love that was so strong it would overcome all barriers. _**Even death, **_she thought with a sad finality. 

Syaoran realized she was naked under the sheet, and felt her small breasts press against him. He resisted the urge to cover her again; the Princess had grown, filled out, and it was easier for him to pretend she was Sakura now; her body had been similar when they had first made love. And so he made his decision.

Looking up at him, the Princess reached out to trace his earlobe lightly. She was taken aback, but pleasantly so, when she felt his mouth crash against hers, with an almost destructive force. She raised herself higher against him and tried to meet the intensity of his kiss. Her small hands tugged on the hem of his shirt, and he paused. Looking up at her, Syaoran raised a questioning eyebrow as he made out the deep flush that spread across her cheeks. "Make love to me, Syaoran," the Princess pleaded, passion lacing her every word. "Please. Love me!"

Syaoran closed his eyes; he'd been dreading this, and he summoned up an image of his beautiful Blossom asking him if he loved her. "I love you, Sakura," he said softly. She became breathless in joy, and Syaoran shut his mind, telling himself, _**this is Sakura, this is my Sakura. **_Syaoran smiled sadly and kissed her forehead after having removed his shirt. "Anything for Sakura." 

The double-edged words brought a dazzling smile to the Princess's face and Syaoran felt horrible for deceiving her so. _**But there isn't any other option,**_ he thought, bringing his lips down to hers again, ignoring the unfamiliarity of it all. 

When she felt Syaoran's tongue touch her lower lip, the Princess moaned aloud, relishing the extremely pleasurable sensations his every touch was causing her – one palm pressed against her bare back, the other cupping and gingerly clasping her breast, while his lips moved to the hollow of her neck, licking and nibbling at it almost teasingly.

Which was when Syaoran realized why the illusion that she was Sakura was hard to maintain—the Princess was nervous, something Sakura hadn't been even during their first time together, and as Syaoran bent lower to lavish her breast, he closed his eyes and tried to picture Sakura beneath him, writhing and convulsing in pleasure; he found his task became only marginally easier to continue, and he found his body ready to respond.

It was hardly the Princess' fault, and Syaoran knew that better than anybody. But even her reactions to his ministrations were vastly different from Sakura's and Syaoran knew that he had a tough road ahead of him, despite the lack of lights. 

Syaoran almost lost the will to continue when he heard the Princess moan. Sakura sounded different when they made love; hers was a throaty, delicious sound; the Princess sounded like a small kitten mewing, and the sense of guilt threatened to choke him. Instead he fixed in his mind the image of the first time he had made love to Sakura: how she had closed her eyes, how he'd felt when he'd first entered her, how it was to feel her respond to him, and finally, blessedly, how it was when they shared the ecstasy of their first simultaneous orgasm.

The Princess, who was plunged in ecstasy, would never guess the extremely contrasting feelings Syaoran was experiencing at the same time. He was plagued by the Princess's tentative explorations of his body and the inexperience behind her kisses. 

When he and Sakura had almost made love the first time, there was no hesitation; she had given herself to him completely, and surrendered to his touch, without any shame or fear. And her hands...Sakura had somehow known how to touch him; her hands had instinctively found his manhood, and her touch had been like fire.

As for the Princess...Syaoran had been hesitant himself about initiating the kiss, but her actions were enough to drive him to insanity; she was so new to all this and she didn't know what his responses were and which part of him they were caused by. She was so nervous, she had no idea what to touch on his body; right now, her hands were fluttering at his chest, stroking his back and shoulders...he pressed himself into her, praying that she would set him on fire the way Sakura had when she had first touched him.

But he was still cold.

When Syaoran felt two small hands tug at his waistband, he pressed his face against her shoulder, willing the tears to go away. Quickly slipping out of his remaining garments, Syaoran raised his head and smiled comfortingly at the Princess, whose nervousness had now reached its peak. "It'll be okay," he whispered in her ear, penetrating her in a swift, yet gentle motion, eager to finish the task at hand before he lost his hardness. Her gasp disappeared as soon as it had come, and she squirmed slightly, trying to adjust to the new, yet incredibly wonderful feeling within her.

Unlike Sakura, the Princess was able to ignore the pain of Syaoran's penetration; she loved him so, and lost herself completely to the sensation of being one with the man she loved. _**I don't care about the pain, **_she thought, _**I love Syaoran, and this is the only time I can show him how much I do! And...I need to have our child!**_

Syaoran, on the other hand, desperately fought to keep in his mind images of the first time he and Sakura had made love: how her eyes had flown open in pain, how he'd had to kiss her and reassure her...how she had looked when she crossed the boundary between pain and pleasure...and he felt himself ready to continue.

If either had known the magnitude of dissimilar emotions that the other was feeling as their bodies began to move against each other, it would have torn their worlds into fragments. The Princess was biting her lip furiously to keep from alerting the entire household to their activities, wanting to scream herself hoarse if it would help in relieving the pressure she felt as Syaoran moved inside her. Syaoran bit his lip hard, drawing blood, focusing on the pain and on the memory of making love with Sakura to sustain him.

The Princess knew she would never feel as much joy, giving the only thing she could to the man she loved with all her heart. She cherished the thought that she would be the one to bring up their child and felt a tear slip from the corner of her eye; instead, she spread herself open further so that Syaoran could thrust into her deeper—which he didn't.

Syaoran had reached the peak of his torment when he saw every contour of the Princess's face etched with absolute pleasure. He felt dreadful, knowing that she would never find out that his motions were mechanical and not movements filled with love and the desire to please her. Worst of all, she was actually enjoying herself with his pathetic ministrations.

The Princess had read about lovemaking in books, and though she and Syaoran had never so much as explored each others bodies, let alone kissed before, she was flushed with the pleasure of having him so intimately close to her. If it was even possible, Syaoran felt worse when she let out a wordless gasp, her extremely heightened bliss showing in the fiery line that her nails had raked down his back. His hasty thrusts ceased almost immediately, after he knew that his son's soul transfer was complete, feeling only the slightest relief at being separated from the Princess. 

Syaoran was about to lift himself off the Princess, when her softly uttered words stopped him mid-gesture. "I love you, Syaoran." Her eyes were filled with pure love and devotion and there was a radiant glow on her face, accompanied by the sweetest of smiles. He could have sworn his heart had crumbled into dust.

He closed his eyes and placed his head against the crook of her neck, mumbling sadly, "I'm so sorry."

"What did you say, Syaoran?" The Princess craned her neck, bringing his face up to hers. "I didn't catch that part."

His eyes didn't open for an instant as he said softly to the girl in his mind, "I love you, Sakura." 

He opened his eyes, praying that by some miracle it would be her he would see. Syaoran knew he should have kept his eyes closed when he saw the innocent smile re-appear on the Princess's face as she kissed his cheek tenderly. He rolled over to the side and pressed his face against the pillow, shielding his distressed face from view.

At least he knew he had not left any suspicious marks on her; he had not left any love bites, or, if he were honest with himself, even taken the time to truly make love to her. He was so sorry, he had to restrain himself from leaving then and there, remembering that doing so would hurt the Princess even more. Luckily, she drifted off to sleep quickly, tired out by the short affair.

Syaoran stroked her hair gently, and said, "I am so sorry, Princess. Forgive me." He knew it would kill her for him to leave the room and for her to wake up alone, so he stayed, merely picking up his discarded garments and folding them neatly. He would have to give her her feathers the next morning anyway.

But he could not sleep; he was disgusted by himself, taking advantage of the love of an innocent, beautiful woman whose only crime was to love him deeply. _**I loved her once! I should be able to feel it again!**_

He stood by the window, naked, lost in thought. Nothing gave him peace until, unbidden, Sakura's smiling face rose to his mind's eye. He smiled back at her briefly, then gave in to his emotions, banging his head on the wall in frustration and in shame at what he had just done. _**Let my tears flow into the sands of Clow, **_he thought. _**I give them for you, Sakura.**_

Outside, Kurogane found Fai sobbing in short, sporadic bursts at the same window where Syaoran had been standing earlier. He didn't have to ask the magician what had caused him the immense grief after having heard suspicious sounds from the Princess's room earlier. 

Words were unnecessary as Kurogane turned Fai around and firmly placed the magician's head on his shoulder. 

It was the least he could do for the man who tried to be everyone else's pillar of support. 

When she awoke the next morning, the Princess turned and found Syaoran sleeping beside her, his back to her, not touching her. She peeked at his handsome face. He was clearly exhausted; there were circles under his eyes, which were swollen. She felt a surge of tenderness, and embraced him from behind. Snuggled up to his back, breathing in his scent, feeling Syaoran's naked skin against her own, she couldn't believe that they had made love, and she whispered into his ear, "I love you so much, Syaoran." 

At the touch, at her voice...Syaoran woke up. An unfamiliar room...small arms around him...his heart leapt in hope, was the nightmare over? He spun around quickly, a smile on his lips. "Sakura!" His arms reached out for her, his blossom...had she awoken in the night?

"I'm glad you remembered to call me that, Syaoran," the Princess smiled.

It took everything he had to keep from allowing the smile to fade. "Princess?"

"Please, you already called me by name," she said gently, and touched his cheek. Syaoran forced himself to respond, taking her hand in his and kissing it.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Don't be," she smiled. "It was wonderful, Syaoran. I love you."

_**No, it was horrible and I am a monster for not giving you pleasure, for not making love to you until you screamed in ecstasy, for not giving you the gift of an orgasm, **_Syaoran thought. Instead, he smiled, and said, "You're a beautiful woman. You deserve better than me."

The Princess frowned. "What a thing to say. I wanted you, Syaoran. And..." her voice faltered, "when you come back, I want...I want you to be my husband." _**There's still a chance he will survive. Nothing is written in stone, after all!**_

_**I can't, I'm already married, **_Syaoran thought _**...and I've just committed adultery. **_To his shame, tears came to his eyes and he tried to turn away from the Princess, who caught his arm.

"No, stop thinking you're a commoner or that you don't deserve me. I just gave myself to you, Syaoran! Now just..." and her voice trailed off. 

Syaoran knew she needed to hear it, and steeling himself, without looking at her, he whispered, "I love you, Sakura."

Her eyes lit up at the lie, and she kissed him. Syaoran kissed her back gently, knowing this would be the last gift he could give her. But he pulled away after a while; he could sense she wanted to make love again, and he knew he could not do that once more. So he stood up and walked over to one of the room's shelves.

The Princess watched him. Naked, Syaoran was beautiful, despite the scars that marred his lean, muscled body. She admired his long torso, slender limbs, the grace with which he moved, and his manhood...and she blushed. She continued to watch him, preserving his image in his mind, as he took something from a shelf...a small ball filled with feathers.

"For you," he said simply, and she smiled gratefully, feeling that she would burst from loving him. What had it cost him to retrieve that many? How much did he love her for him to get back all those feathers? The Princess smiled.

He sat beside her, looking at her tenderly. Then Syaoran remembered something, stopping before the feathers floated back into her.

"Can I ask you for a great favor?"

"Yes, Syaoran?" He could feel her turn to him, and her small hand slid into his.

"Call my son Syaoron. Please." Syaoran kissed her forehead gently in a wordless entreaty.

Lost in her emotions and the sleepiness that stole over her when the feathers floated into her, the Princess merely murmured "Yes, I promise, my love," and smiled.

Much later, the Princess would realize, how had he known they would have a son? 


	13. Chapter 13

**Body Memories Chapter 13**

**By SilentCynara and Blatant Subtleties**

* * *

**Author's notes: **1) Please forgive the delay; both Blatant Subtleties and I hit a wall re this fic. We have the whole thing plotted out, and the ending has even been written, but getting to the ending is the problem, sigh.

2) No, the latest chapters of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles are NOT part of this fic. Thus Syaoran is still a clone of Xiaolang (who is CCS Syaoran), not the clone of CCS Syaoran's and CCS Sakura's son.

3) Please expect a delay before the next chapter is posted.

4) This time, it's parma-violets and Cheeseycraziness who helped me break a loooong dry spell for this fic. You are wonderful women, and I dedicate this chapter to you. Anything you dislike, blame me; anything you like or love here, it's them.

* * *

**Interlude: Strange Names**

"He's going," Kurogane said to Fai.

Fai did not respond except for a tiny sigh.

"Do you still really want the kid with the girl, not the boy she was destined for?"

Fai looked up. "Why can't you call them by their names?"

Kurogane looked out the window. "Names have power. You know that. That's why you give me all those stupid nicknames. Now stop pretending."

"I can't interfere," Fai said softly. "A mistake is about to be made, and someone will be hurt even more than he already has."

"It's not your problem," Kurogane said as he laid a hand on Fai's shoulder. "Why do you keep making it your problem?"

"Because I have always hated it when the innocent have to pay. My brother. The people of Celes. And of everyone here, he's the one who least deserves to have to pay what he already has...and will continue to."

"You do not set the price," Kurogane said. "Fate does."

Fai bowed his head. "And that's why it's so unfair."

"He's taken human lives. Many of them. Were they not innocents as well?" Kurogane argued.

"You know as well as I do that he was not in control of himself. Should he be punished for that?" Fai asked, his remaining golden eye challenging.

Uncharacteristically, Kurogane bit back a scathing reply. Instead, he said, "Stop trying to save him. She—his wife—gave him the reins of his destiny. Now you must let him live it instead of interfering."

Fai didn't reply; instead, he walked off to the room where he knew Yuko had set up a viewing pool for monitoring what happened in Sakura's dream world.

He had a feeling he wasn't the only one who would be there, watching.

* * *

**Into the Dream**

"Are you ready?" Yuko asked Xiaolang, who nodded. "Then come with me."

Yuko noticed that as time passed, it became easier to tell Xiaolang apart from Syaoran, and not simply because of the blue eye. Xiaolang's hair had turned a darker shade, and he parted it on one side now, just as he had when he was a boy. He was also more solidly built now than Syaoran was, and seemed much more melancholy, much quieter than the other young man.

_**He will need those differences so that he will not trigger body memories in Sakura, **_Yuko thought.

She led him to the room where Sakura lay sleeping. Xiaolang gasped; she was even more beautiful than he remembered. He knelt next to her and touched her cheek, running his eyes hungrily over her flushed cheeks—where had she gotten that scar—how her lashes brushed her face, how she had grown into a hauntingly beautiful woman.

And he could tell she was naked under the two blankets, and he was proud of himself when he did not blush when he noticed how her body had filled out since he had last seen her. Her breasts were fuller and rounder than those of the Princess; she was lightly tanned, and muscled as well, and her hips had an inviting quality to them.

Now Xiaolang was looking forward to seeing her and showing her how much he loved her.

He was annoyed when a random memory popped into his head. _A blue-eyed boy had caught Xiaolang hiding as he watched Sakura with Tomoyo. _

"_She's very cute, isn't she?" Eriol's honeyed voice cut across Xiaolang's thoughts as he crouched behind an artificial pond._

_Xiaolang had stammered, then finally run off._

_**Running. It's how I always dealt with feelings I couldn't explain or understand, **_he thought. _**But I can't be that boy forever! **_He looked down at Sakura. _**For you I have to be strong. For you, I have to be better than that. And for myself as well. If I face up to what I feel, what I need, then I can have what I've always wanted: you.**_

Yet at the back of his head was a nagging feeling, a strange insecurity over the fact that he would never be her first anything...save for being the first to kiss her.

Xiaolang then looked at Yuko, who held up a scarlet cord then explained, "Once bound by this cord, when you fall asleep next to her, you will enter her dream. While nothing there will hurt _**her**_, any injury _**you**__—or _anyone else who shouldn't be there—sustain will be _**real **_injuries, because it is _**her **_world. To leave, you cast this spell," and Yuko handed Xiaolang a scroll. "But she must _**want **_to leave when you do. You must understand that."

He nodded, then knelt next to her, aware that this was Sakura the woman, not the fourteen year-old girl he had left behind. Unbidden, his hand strayed to her cheek, and he almost stepped back; when he'd touched her...

_**Sakura was handing him a scarf, telling him she'd made it herself for him because he tended to get cold easily. She smiled gently, a smile that wavered when he hesitated to take it, touched beyond words at her gesture. Xiaolang snatched the scarf back when she made to put it away and promised to make something better, blushing as he wound it around his neck, knowing it was still warm from her hands...**_

**I should have kissed her then! I should have told her how I felt!**

Then he came to himself. Yuko was watching him with a small smile.

"You felt it, then."

"What was that?" Xiaolang asked.

"A body memory. A very intense one, if your face was anything to go by."

"Why?" Xiaolang asked again.

"Because you were meant to remember," Yuko said softly.

_**So there isn't anything about Syaoran that her body remembers?**_ He was unsure of the truth behind his thoughts, but firmly pushed away any feelings of guilt or sadness he might have felt for his clone. Instead he chose to give all his attention to Sakura and making her – and them, in a way – whole again. Xiaolang lay down next to Sakura, and nodded at Yuko, who then bound their hands together with the cord. It glowed, and Xiaolang felt himself drifting off to sleep.

"Wait for me, Sakura," he whispered softly.

* * *

Sakura raced down the stairs, eager to see her father and her brother. She could almost smell the familiar scents of their kitchen, taste her father's cooking...it had been so long, and she had been so lonely, she actually looked forward to being called a "monster" by Touya.

There was food on the table: fried shrimp, fried rice, fried fish—they were her favorites. She gasped in pleasure, and looked around; was this their way of welcoming her home?

But no one responded to her calls. Outside, some neighbors she vaguely knew waved at her, and she waved back. People walked by; a milk delivery truck rumbled past. She wasn't scared of being alone, though; it was as if everyone she knew and loved was just around the corner somewhere.

_**Now how did I know that?**_

She ate thoughtfully, and wondered where Xiaolang was. Sakura was eager to see him, and her cheeks tinged pink when she thought of what she wanted to know.

_**Are we lovers?**_

She picked up the phone and dialed the number for his apartment; she still knew it, despite the years in between. No answer, although she hadn't expected for him to be there.

Then she felt a strong magic aura coming from the direction of Penguin Park—one she didn't recognize. Sakura gasped, and ran upstairs to her room, pulling open the drawer where she normally kept the Sakura Cards. She immediately noticed that the drawer where Kero lived was empty.

"Kero-chan?" she called.

No answer. Sakura turned back and emptied all the drawers, searched in the cabinets, even under her bed. _**I know I started my journey to find Xiaolang with the Cards...but where are they?**_

No Cards. She knew she didn't have the Key anymore, but...where were the Cards? They were her friends, and now that they were missing...She almost tore her bedroom apart looking for them, and began to sob when, despite her calls and pleas, Kero did not come out. _**He wouldn't have just left like that**_ thought Sakura, bordering on distraught.

That was when the doorbell rang.

Sakura started; she peeked out the open window.

What she saw made her heart stop.

_**Xiaolang.**_

He stood at their gate, looking uncertain of himself, and a little lost. "Sakura?" he called out.

Sakura stared at him for a while. _**Why can't I get enough of the sight of him? **_she wondered. He was still taller than her; his body had developed, and while he still had the beautiful amber eyes and tousled brown hair she loved, his face had become longer, more chiseled...the way she'd often thought he might look when he got older, the way she had commanded Mirror to look like. His body was long, lean, and well-muscled under the plain green and white shirt and denim jeans which he wore, coupled with green trainers.

And she wanted to know what he felt like_...what he tasted like...how he would... _She shivered in delicious anticipation of what could happen between them, if things hadn't happened already – for some reason, she couldn't be quite sure – and all thought of the Cards and Kero flew right out of her brain.

Xiaolang looked around curiously when he felt Sakura's aura. He could feel her; he could almost smell her sweet scent...and when he looked up...

"Sakura!" He cried out in relief. There she was, awake and watching him...and the expression of love on her face made a thrill go through him. He'd imagined this moment so often that it was strange to actually see her again. He knew he'd been trapped for seven years; he wasn't sure how many years it had been for her though.

_**She loves me. With Syaoran gone from her mind, she loves me, **_he exulted. He wanted nothing more than to fly to her now, to take her in his arms and make up for the many years they had lost to the cruelties of fate.

Sakura relished the sound of his voice: no longer harsh as it had been when they were younger, it was gentle and husky. And he was calling her name.

_**Why isn't he calling me 'Blossom'?**_

Sakura shook her head. He'd never nicknamed her, so why was she thinking that?

"Is...is that really you, Xiaolang-kun?" she called out. Her voice had become a delicious alto, and Xiaolang shuddered in unexpected pleasure to hear her call his name.

"I..." and Xiaolang mentally kicked himself into action. _**No more hesitation! **_he reminded himself. "I love you Sakura!" he yelled up at her, and smiled a rare boyish smile as he walked closer to her window, intending to climb up to her.

And with each step he felt freer. No more running, no more violent blushing...this was the girl destined for him, the one he loved...his Sakura.

Sakura was thrilled when he yelled that he loved her, and when Xiaolang smiled...she climbed through and launched herself out the window...

"NO, SAKURA!" Xiaolang quickly summoned Jian and cast a Wind spell to catch her. She landed on a soft cloud of wind, something that thrilled and comforted her, and she laughed happily. He ran towards her, and took her into his arms quickly. "What did you do that for?" he scolded gently as he pushed stray hairs back behind her small ears.

And she had changed, but in a wonderful way. Now she smelled like candy, and yet there was a womanly scent under it. Xiaolang inhaled her greedily, not knowing that Sakura was doing the same...yet at the back of her mind she wondered why she was looking for a different scent. Xiaolang smelled like pine and tea...and she was looking for someone who smelled like books and earth and musk.

She shook her head, then giggled. "I knew you would catch me. Just like...you know, in that clock tower. When we changed Void into Hope." Sakura reached up to touch his cheek, almost unable to believe that he was really there.

"Always," he said, and his thumb traced her cheek. Xiaolang almost wept; he'd waited so long, lost so many years...and now here he was, holding her, and she was laughing, she was just so beautiful...and he had to take his chance with her now.

So he cast all propriety to the wind and kissed her full on the lips, swallowing her startled gasp of "Hoe?" and pulling her even closer. Everything about her was bringing memories back, and he was surprised to realize he knew just what to do. He gently put a hand behind her nape and then opened his eyes to watch her reaction.

Sakura's eyes were closed; she could feel Xiaolang's warmth, and he was filling a strange gap in her heart. Everything was right: the scent of pine and tea, the feel of his body, even the way he spoke to her.

Xiaolang closed his eyes again, and slowly slid his tongue out to meet her lips, gently and wordlessly asking for admission. And when she sighed and opened them to accept him, he explored her mouth, doing what he'd always thought of when he was alone in Hong Kong and thinking of his beautiful Sakura.

* * *

**Interlude: Syaoran Watching, 1**

In the viewing pool at Yuko's home, Syaoran watched Sakura and Xiaolang kiss. When they had first kissed, Sakura had been weeping. Syaoran could still remember how he had held her after she had mistaken him for Xiaolang. He remembered hoping she was his Princess back then, and almost chuckled; they had been so young, so innocent then.

He had no idea how the viewing pool worked, but time could slow down and speed up when he willed it to. But Syaoran found himself wishing he could go blind, because he could not tear his eyes away from the two lovers, who, ironically, were now reliving his and Sakura's relationship.

The first time he had kissed her, though, and she had known he was Syaoran, not a substitute for Xiaolang...Syaoran closed his eyes. It was after he began training Sakura to use her sword.

Sakura was snuggled up to him against a tree, and a fire crackled merrily before them. She had suddenly turned to him and asked, "Syaoran, what was it like to be the Princess' boyfriend?"

He had blushed violently. "I...no...er...I never was, really."

Her bottle-green eyes opened wide. "Really? And yet...you're on this journey to collect her feathers? You must have really loved her. You're so sweet."

Syaoran had looked away. He'd already fallen in love with her by then, and thoughts of the Princess had been at bay ever since. Without meaning to, he'd raised his hand to stroke her soft cheek, and she nestled her head against his.

She smelled sweet, and Syaoran caught himself pressing little butterfly kisses to her hair, wishing he could kiss her instead.

And then it happened; she turned her head up to ask him something just as he bent to kiss her hair again. Their lips met, and Syaoran pulled backwards, embarrassed.

"I...Sakura...I'm so sorry...I..." He was frantic; he had no idea how to explain what she had just seen him doing.

"Syaoran...What were you doing?" she asked softly.

Her body was still pressed to his; he still had his arm over her shoulders, as they were sharing his cloak. In the darkness her eyes had darkened to a forest-green shade, and Syaoran found himself wanting to kiss her eyelids, kiss her cheeks, anything he could reach of her.

Then her hand was on his cheek. "Were you...kissing me?" she asked shyly, as a blush spread across her cheeks.

"Technically, it was your hair," he weakly bantered back, embarrassed at having been caught.

They sat there looking at one another, and then the miracle came: Sakura spoke.

"Syaoran. Why don't you kiss me?" she asked, blushing as violently as he had. "Do you like me?"

He used the arm that was draped over her shoulders to turn her towards him. "I...I don't know exactly what I feel for you right now," he said honestly. "But..." He found himself coming closer, closer to her soft lips...he couldn't have stopped even if he wanted to, and to his joy, she said _**his **_name clearly. "Syaoran...please..."

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered against her lips, praying she would say no.

And his prayer was granted when she placed a palm on each cheek, and drew him closer "No. Kiss me, Syaoran."

He was more than happy to grant her request many, many times that night and the next morning.

* * *

How long they stood there kissing, neither knew, but Xiaolang pulled away reluctantly after a while, and pulled Sakura into an embrace.

"We should get inside," he grinned. And was surprised when Sakura touched his lips gently, then began to cry.

"Sakura! What is it?" He pulled her against his chest, and let her cry; he sensed that she needed to cry. He understood how the years of loneliness, of searching alone could have worn her down.

After a while, her sobs slowed down, and she looked up at him. "Y...you must think I'm being silly..."

"Never," he said firmly. "Now, don't cry, Sakura," he added gently.

Sakura sniffled, then smiled. "You used to keep me on track with those words, Xiaolang," she said softly.

Xiaolang smiled. He had often said those words to her to keep her focused. "I remember," he said.

"I just...when you were taken...I," Sakura began. She had stopped crying, just as he'd known she would. "...Xiaolang!" she gasped. Because he had picked her up in his arms, kicked the front door open, and carried her into her house.

"I know," he said as he settled her on their couch then sat next to her. "I'm so sorry I put you through everything, I..."

"It wasn't your fault!" she said fiercely. "It was that Reed guy..."

"Sakura, I know you looked for me for years. I just...wish I'd been stronger, been able to fight back even then. It could have spared you so much pain," and he lifted a hand to her cheek tenderly.

"Please don't blame yourself, Xiaolang. It was my decision," Sakura breathed softly, and threw herself into his arms. "You're really here. You're home with me!"

"I am home always when I'm with you," Xiaolang said as he stroked her auburn hair gently, then kissed it.

After a pause in which they simply snuggled together, savoring each other's presence, she raised her head. "How did you...get free?"

_**What should I tell her? **_Xiaolang wondered.

Then suddenly, with a painful twinge, he remembered that he was holding someone else's wife. He remembered Syaoran, and in his head, two voices began to speak, both demanding his attention.

_But he gave her up already!_

**No, I took her away from a happy marriage.**

_They weren't destined to be together!_

**I put her through hell!**

A third voice interrupted. _**Tell her as much as you can of the truth. Just **_don't _**talk about Syaoran.**_

"You know I was taken by Fei Wong Reed, right?" She nodded, and Xiaolang continued. "And that he cloned me?"

"Yes, but I never met your clone."

Xiaolang stiffened involuntarily. Void had taken her price completely; Sakura didn't even seem to know Syaoran's name. _**How far back does her memory loss extend? **_he wondered.

"I saw him, though, in Yuko's shop when the little black Mokona showed me who he was...I forgot his name though. I was there...when I... " Sakura tried to remember; something about the clone...but couldn't come up with anything except a strange ache... _**but that was for Xiaolang, **_she thought.

"Oh Sakura," Xiaolang held her close again. "What did you give up?"

"The Key," she said softly. "Years of my life. A time lived alone."

"I'm so sorry. I forced you into this. If I had just been stronger...smarter..."

Sakura put a finger to his lips. "Stop. Please stop. I..." and her cheeks flushed pink, "would rather be kissing you now."

Xiaolang looked down at her; that was forward, coming from Sakura. But when she snuggled against him, he realized that she needed his comfort, and he could best provide it by being with her.

He smiled down at her. "Anything you want, my Sakura," and he kissed her again. It was a glorious feeling...like his heart had returned and all joy had come back into an existence he'd thought was over when he was mercilessly shoved into his crystal prison and bound.

Someone used to tug on her lower lip, and playfully nibble on it. Xiaolang was savoring her tenderly, pressing kisses to her lips over and over. He was the only boy she had kissed, so why did she know someone else's kiss?

Yet Sakura felt warmth returning to her; she felt as though she hadn't been warm in so long. But something suddenly protested in her body...it was as if kissing Xiaolang was wrong.

_**It can't be! **_Fighting the feeling, she slipped her hands under his shirt the way she always had when she had cast Mirror to duplicate him...and it felt so long ago.

Xiaolang started when he felt where her hands were, but relaxed. _**This is Sakura, **_he reminded himself. _**I love her! **_And so he let her pull his shirt off.

* * *

**Interlude: Syaoran Watching, 2**

He was painfully reminded of when Sakura had told him that she used to use Mirror to create a false Xiaolang to try and keep her loneliness at bay. Each memory the scenes in the viewing pool triggered in him were like shards of glass driven deep into Syaoran's heart.

And so that evening, after she told him the story, Syaoran held Sakura in his arms, and let her nestle her head against his chest. It was the first time he had noticed that it felt like she had been made to do that with him. He was beginning to grow accustomed to her scent; it was so unlike the Princess, who smelled like delicate flowers

Almost as if they had agreed upon it, their lips met halfway through the space separating them. This time it was Sakura's tongue that touched Syaoran's lips, asking for entrance which he willingly gave.

Unlike Xiaolang, Syaoran welcomed her hands gliding under his shirt, and he gladly pulled it off for Sakura to explore his chest. Her hands...they set him on fire, he had never been warmer, and when she found his nipples, she traced circles around them as she continued to kiss him passionately. She stroked his back, and pressed herself against him, and he placed his arms around her to support her. Her kisses felt like they could drown him in sweetness, and he wanted to let her engulf him completely. His own hands reached under her shirt, and when he reached her breasts, she deepened her kiss, moaning softly.

She had Syaoran completely in her thrall without even knowing it; she could ignite his senses simply by being near. Sakura began to press kisses to his neck, and to his chest.

The memory warmed Syaoran even as the night deepened and turned colder around him. Even in his memory, Sakura could keep him warm, and he closed his eyes, continuing to be with Sakura, even if only him his memories.

* * *

Sakura broke off the kiss, breathing hard, and looked into Xiaolang's eyes. He waited patiently as her eyes explored his chest; her cheeks flushed gently, but she seemed to have gotten her courage, and looked into his eyes.

"Xiaolang...Have we...did we...are we lovers?" she asked, and blushed furiously.

He held her cheeks between his palms. "No, Sakura. Not yet."

"But..." How was she going to explain it to him? "I have...I think they're dreams...and it's you in them...and you were..." Sakura was annoyed at her own stuttering, and was relieved when Xiaolang quietly asked, "Do you see me...making love...with you?"

Do you dream about Syaoran? he wondered. Would life with Sakura become a series of reminders of Syaoran? But Xiaolang was slowly moving past caring about it. So long as she was there, in his life, and whole, he was happy.

"Y...yes," she said, relieved that he'd said it, not her.

"Do you want to?" And Sakura realized that Xiaolang's amber eyes were coming closer, and so were his lips.

She quickly closed the gap between them and kissed him, her hands exploring his neck, his chest...Xiaolang gasped; her hands were like fire, and she seemed to know just where to touch him.

"Your hands..." he murmured, "...so like fire, Sakura!"

Sakura kissed him hard, and moaned when his lips left hers. But when he began to trail kisses down her neck, she began to arch into him. Somehow she had been pinned down under Xiaolang on the couch. Weren't they supposed to wait? But no...they had been waiting for each other for so long...she lost herself in the feelings he was arousing in her.

Xiaolang eagerly began to put into practice what he'd read in the books in Yuko's library. His tongue fluttered at her earlobes, down her neck, in the hollow of her collarbones...and he sent one hand exploring, stroking her smooth shoulders. Sakura gasped when he slid his hand under her shirt, then ran a finger teasingly around her belly button.

And yet again, another boy...another memory. Sakura remembered someone so passionate, he'd once torn her clothes off in his eagerness to touch her. He'd been very tender, exploring her slowly.

_There was no other explanation, _Sakura thought; somehow she and Xiaolang must have found the time to make out somehow.

"You like that, Sakura?" Xiaolang asked against her shoulder.

Sakura lay back and enjoyed his scent, the way he felt, the way he tasted...his declarations of love. They squirmed around, each trying to give pleasure to the other, consumed with the hunger that came from years of cruel separation. She pulled on his hand, and he smiled teasingly as his fingers traced each rib lightly. "What do you want, Sakura?"

"Xiaolang...Please," she begged. He kissed each eyelid, then raised her pink shirt slowly. Xiaolang no longer felt the need to ask her permission; he could feel that she wanted him, and when he'd gotten rid of her shirt, he bent down and began to kiss the tops of her breasts, still encased in a white bra. He didn't want to rush it; it was about loving her, making her feel pleasure, making her want him.

She closed her eyes, reveling in the sensations. _**This is right. This is the boy...no, the man...I love! **_

Unbidden, an image came to her mind...it was Xiaolang...but he had a blue eye, and as he hovered above her, an expression of aching love was in his mismatched eyes. Sakura gasped and sat up abruptly, pushing Xiaolang off her.

"What...no..." She looked at him, staring intently into his eyes as she held his cheeks in her small hands. "Your eyes...I saw one of them was blue."

And with a painful flash Xiaolang realized she'd suddenly remembered Syaoran subconsciously. And it confused her.

It seemed as though she would always remember something about him, no matter how complete the erasure of memories seemed. _**Especially if the memories are triggered by something that meant a lot to them when they were together.**_He was unable to control a pained expression from crossing his face and quickly looked away to prevent Sakura from seeing it.

_**Does she associate lovemaking with Syaoran then? **_Xiaolang thought.

"What's wrong with me?" Sakura asked in a small voice.

Instead of replying, because Xiaolang knew any mention of Syaoran would be disastrous, he took one small hand, nudged out her index finger, then placed it in his mouth, sucking on it gently. He was determined to replace her memory of Syaoran with one of his own. _**I will make love to you, Sakura, and erase him so that you won't have to wonder if anything is wrong with you ever again. I love you so, and I don't want those memories to haunt you.**_

_**Or me.**_

"W...what are you doing?" But she closed her eyes in sensual pleasure.

"Making you happy. Winning your heart back," Xiaolang said.

"But you already have my heart...you always have," Sakura said softly, not understanding why there was such pain in Xiaolang's eyes. "Xiaolang...is something wrong?"

"I want...I need you to love me," Xiaolang said as he kissed her hand. He began to trail kisses over her shoulders, pausing to taste each inch of skin, to relish the way she felt and tasted.

A shuddering gasp was his response. "I love you, Xiaolang!" He relished her voice saying what he so longed to hear, and he tore himself away from her, fixing his amber stare on her green eyes.

"Say it again, Sakura. Say it for me," he begged her huskily.

"Xiaolang, I love you," she breathed, and was rewarded when he crashed his lips onto hers passionately, whispering, "I love you, Sakura!"

"Just because you were gone for a long time doesn't mean I forgot about you. I would never forget about you," Sakura declared.

And was surprised when Xiaolang turned away. He knew from the Witch's hints that she _**had**_ forgotten about him. Just as he had once forgotten about her.

* * *

**Interlude: Syaoran Watching, 3**

Fai saw Syaoran flinch when Sakura mentioned the blue eye.

_**My eye, **_Syaoran thought. Sakura had used to press kisses to it after they had first made love. Her nickname for him, 'Odd-eyed wolf,' was based on it. She had once even asked if, when they had children, the child could inherit the eye from him.

She had loved that about him...something he had taken for granted. And now he would give anything to hear her call him 'Wolf' just one more time.

Syaoran had no idea how soon she would.

* * *

Xiaolang turned back to Sakura. "Remember that promise I made in the clock tower?"

Sakura smiled. "You said you would always fall in love with me again even if you lost your most precious feeling."

He sighed. "For a while I did lose it. I thought I loved someone else...another you. But when I remembered you, I..." and his voice trailed off. He'd confessed to briefly thinking himself in love with the Princess because he didn't want her to worry about it when she finally met the Princess.

"I know," Sakura whispered as she touched her forehead to his. "I saw that too. And I don't care." She really didn't, because what mattered was he was back by her side and he loved her, more than she could ever imagine. At that point of time, it seemed like enough.

Then reality intruded.

"I can't find my Cards," she said softly. "No one is home. Where is everyone?"

Xiaolang thought quickly, then said, "Your family isn't here, Sakura, beause this is another world. We can talk about that later. But...you absorbed your Cards because it was necessary. They live in you now. Come on, try summoning one, Sakura."

She shook her head as she pulled her shirt on, and handed him his; when Xiaolang finished putting his on again, she crawled into his lap and asked, "Absorb...the Cards? Why would I do that?"

A pause, in which Xiaolang tried hard not to show his pain. "It was necessary at that time," was the safest answer he could come up with. "Go ahead, call one of them."

"Er...Mirror, release!"

And to Sakura's joy, Mirror materialized in front of her, looking relieved and happy. Mirror had been one of her few comforts in a long lonely journey, and she leapt out of Xiaolang's lap and greeted Mirror happily.

"Oh Mistress Sakura," Mirror said softly, and hugged Sakura. But she started when she saw Xiaolang. A voice came into Xiaolang's mind.

_You are not her husband. But you are..._

_I am, _Xiaolang responded. _Please don't say it. Don't remind her of Syaoran._

_But... _and Mirror looked confused. _I thought she absorbed us to save him?_

Xiaolang felt a great pain in his heart at her words; he would have found the situation a little amusing, if it had been someone else in his place, for it seemed as though the life that he planned on spending with Sakura would be fraught with such turbulent emotions. Mirror saw his expression and was instantly sorry.

_He has been saved, _Xiaolang said in his mind to the Card, who nodded slowly. _But Void... she was set free by accident, and she took her price when she punished Reed. _

_We tried to prevent it, _ Mirror said. _But she was so determined to punish that man and to save the Mistress._

_That's why she doesn't remember Syaoran, _Xiaolang sighed softly.

_I'm sorry, _Mirror said.

_Don't be, _Xiaolang said kindly.

Sakura had let Mirror go, and was excitedly asking questions. In his mind another voice continued; he had only heard it once, but he remembered it clearly. It was Dark. Had Xiaolang known it, it was Dark who had revealed him to Sakura when she had made the choice to absorb the cards into her.

_You love her enough to let darkness into your heart, _Dark said. _You are willing to suffer in silence, knowing what you do?_

_I am, _Xiaolang said. _She has suffered enough on my behalf. Now I pay the price for her._

_Then I lend you the strength of the dark. _Xiaolang felt something wrap itself around his heart, and his doubts, his insecurities about Syaoran faded quietly. He found he could now examine his knowledge of Sakura and Syaoran's relationship without a thorn embedding itself into his heart...and he was grateful.

Dark had always been fond of Xiaolang; she did not want the constant torture of wondering to be his lot in life. She had chosen to appear to Xiaolang because she knew that she might have to begin living in him instead of Sakura...because thanks to Void, all memories of Syaoran now belonged in the dark side of Sakura's heart, sealed away to preserve her sanity.

She wondered, though, how long it would be before Sakura broke through Void's price herself.


	14. Chapter 14

**Body Memories**

**Chapter 14**

**A False Lull**

**Before anyone asks:** Yes I HAVE read the LATEST chapters of Tsubasa. YES, I KNOW CCS Syaoran Li is the FATHER of "REAL SYAORAN" in Tsubasa, and that the clone Syaoran was TAKEN FROM "REAL SYAORAN". The Xiaolang Li in this story (who is CCS Syaoran) is the source for Syaoran the clone here, and since I have no time to revise everything now, it stays that way. Don't kill me unless you're willing to revise the story yourself! XD

Adult situation in this chapter; please leave if you don't like such things

My thanks to CheeseyCraziness and xXxCherryBlossomxXx for helping me dig myself out of a major rut in this story. It will now be finished in two chapters, hooray! And without further ado...let the story continue now!

* * *

"They're taking an awful lot of time in the dream world," Fai said softly to Yuko. "Sakura, the Cardcaptor, does not want to leave, does she?"

"Only she can answer that. Notice how many times body memories have been triggered in her? It scares and confuses her," Yuko said.

"Poor Xiaolang," Fai said. "He's never commented on each time Sakura has remembered something about Syaoran."

"And she will continue to. Because in essence Syaoran and Xiaolang are, after all, the same person."

"Which is why I want to remove her body memories of me," came a firm voice. Fai and Yuko turned; a pale and haunted looking Syaoran stood there. Fai suppressed the urge to reach out and comfort the young man; he had been through the worst emotional hell of them all.

"Syaoran...I can't grant that wish," Yuko said regretfully.

"Why not? I'll pay anything to make sure she will be happy with...with Xiaolang. If she keeps...remembering me, she never will be completely happy. And I can't have that," Syaoran said. He fought the urge to touch Sakura's wedding ring, lying against his skin and hidden under his clothes.

"She is out of our reach. None of us can go into that dream world...not unless a terrible price is paid, because it is Sakura's world, literally. Xiaolang is on his own. He is the only one who can make it out of there alive, aside from Sakura."

"Why?" Syaoran's mismatched eyes blazed.

Yuko did not answer. To tell Syaoran the truth would be crossing the limits of interference. Whatever happened now had to be his own decision.

Syaoran clenched his fists. He had sworn to make Sakura happy, and watching her stop-start relationship with Xiaolang was killing him. _**She needs to be happy! **_he thought. And...he could see how the situation was slowly demoralizing Xiaolang. It was a tribute to the depth of Xiaolang's love for Sakura that he was patient, and never mentioned those episodes to Sakura.

_**I can love her no less than he does, **_Syaoran swore to himself.

"We can't force them to leave the dream world. All we can do is wait. And once they leave..." Yuko looked directly at Syaoran, "you must vanish from this world as well. This is their world. You have no place here."

"I...understand." And Syaoran quietly left the room.

* * *

Xiaolang was slightly alarmed when Sakura showed no signs of wanting to leave the dream world, not even after he'd explained where they were.

"You're here. That's what matters," Sakura said complacently as she lay in his arms. They had been there for a week, and Sakura was enjoying having Xiaolang with her all the time. Today they were in his old apartment and Xiaolang was surprised to see that while it had not changed any from when he had lived there, it was nonetheless equipped with clothing and shoes in the correct size for him now.

_**Sakura has to realize that this dream world is not real! **_Xiaolang was worried. They had seen none of their friends, though other people populated the false Tomoeda.

"Sakura..." He took her chin gently in his fingers. "We can't stay here forever. There's still your family to come home to...and Tomoyo, and your friends..."

"Our friends," Sakura said tenderly as she kissed him. They had been kissing a lot, but each time Xiaolang tried to move their physical relationship towards consummation, she had remembered something about Syaoran. He hid his pain well, though, and did not give up.

He smiled. "You're right." He bent down to kiss Sakura gently. "But the real world...Sakura, you've always been brave. Why are you afraid to go home?"

Sakura looked away, and Xiaolang could see tears forming in her eyes. "Because...what if we leave this place and you're not there? What if you only exist in my dream? Now that I've found you... Oh, Xiaolang-kun, I can't... I don't want to go where you aren't there!"

"It's not a dream! I really am here, please, Sakura..." Xiaolang's tone was desperate. What would happen to them both if they stayed in this world forever?

"Maybe you are real, but if you weren't real, you would still say that," Sakura said softly. "Then I would wake up and be in a world where you aren't and then I'd have to..."

"This isn't you," Xiaolang said firmly. "You're stronger than this! I know you...and you know I have always loved you for who you are. You've always been strong, Sakura. I believe in you. And we have that spell, remember? Say it with me."

Instead of responding, Sakura began to cry, in great wracking sobs. "I can't go through another day, let alone five years without you! I'm not that strong. That spell..."

Xiaolang was forcibly reminded that time had passed differently for both of them; for him it had been seven. _**How old are we then? **_he wondered.

"Don't cry. I love you," and he kissed Sakura again. And suddenly, as if he'd thought about it, he deepened the kiss; when he pulled away, he said, "If I weren't real, could I do this?"

He kissed her lips, and slid his tongue in; she didn't resist, but happily kissed him back. Xiaolang murmured her name softly as he bent down to kiss her neck. She practically purred, and Xiaolang smiled; he loved it when she responded to him. Licking at her neck slowly, teasingly, he planted love bites, and she moaned softly.

He took his time; not that he minded, because he had waited so many years to be with Sakura. After a while, Xiaolang's hands slid her tank top off, and he began to fondle her breasts gently. Sakura guided his hands to the clasp, and he opened it, letting Sakura's round breasts fall free. She closed her eyes as he began to kiss and fondle them...how did he know what to do each time he started their little intimacies? She liked it very much, and he was so sensitive to her, he responded quickly when she wanted him to do something.

And Xiaolang had grown into a gorgeous young man. She watched him as he licked her breasts; his hair did not conceal his eyes, and she could see the rapturous expression on his face. Then he took one nipple in his mouth and fondled the other with his thumb. He took his time, tasting and savoring her; her hands tangled in his hair, and she was whispering his name over and over, and it was a sweet sound: "Xiaolang. Oh, Xiaolang!"

And when his hand came up her skirt, resting on her panties, rubbing at her crotch gently, Sakura gasped, and sat up. _**Oh no, oh no, **_Xiaolang thought in despair; _**has she remembered Syaoran again?**_

To his surprise, Sakura kissed him and pulled his shirt off. Kissing her way down his neck, she stroked his chest. Xiaolang gasped; always, her hands were like fire, and when her stiff nipples grazed his skin, he could not imagine anything more innocent yet so sensual.

No need for Xiaolang to ask if she was sure she wanted today to be the day they finally made love; he knew Sakura well, and she was very much aroused. Upon her wordless urging, he stood up and waited patiently as Sakura removed his buttons, then unzipped his jeans. She blushed and giggled; Xiaolang kissed her, smiling, as her hands rested on the waistband of his briefs. She pulled them down, and gasped as his erection bobbed up at her.

Curiously, she grasped his growing hardness; Xiaolang gasped, but reined himself in as best he could because he knew she was curious. Sakura giggled when it hardened in her small hands; now she needed two hands to keep a grip on it. Xiaolang kissed her, and they both smiled; this sweet, playful, innocent lovemaking was making them both happy.

Sakura was exploring Xiaolang's lean, strong body. He was smooth and almost hairless, save for a small arrow trailing from his bellybutton to his crotch and the hair in which his manhood nested. She stroked areas where she had thought he would have scars: his right arm, his abdomen, his back. Nothing, only smooth skin that tasted musky when she ran her tongue over it curiously. She enjoyed it when he moaned at her touch; she admired his broad shoulders, muscled chest, and smooth thighs. They were so different, and yet she would not have it any other way.

_**Except for his eyes, why do I want one of them to be blue? **_Sakura pushed the thought aside and reached up to kiss Xiaolang, her tongue exploring his mouth curiously.

She began kissing his body again, and as she explored his chest, he slowly removed the rest of her clothes as well. Sakura did not fight Xiaolang this time, instead giggling then sighing in pleasure as he kissed each part of her body that was revealed.

Now Sakura was fully naked, and she blushed when Xiaolang pushed her gently back on the bed and began to kiss her everywhere. "I always knew you would be very beautiful," Xiaolang said between kisses to her breasts, stomach, hips, and thighs.

Sakura blushed, "So are you." She gasped and moaned as Xiaolang kissed her all over her body, clearly delighting in her. He was slow and gentle, and Sakura was grateful that he wasn't rushing her. Then a curious "Hoe?" escaped her—causing Xiaolang to laugh, oh how he had missed that sound!—when he parted her legs. He raised himself to kiss Sakura as he gently stroked the small folds there, the way he'd learned in the books in Yuko's library. Give her multiple points of arousal, one book had taught him. She gasped into his kiss, and began to move her hips; he smiled when he felt the moisture that told him she was enjoying it.

"Don't stop...please," she whispered, her eyes screwed shut in enjoyment. And so Xiaolang quickened the pace of his stroking; soon, the folds parted to reveal her small clitoris, and he made gentle, teasing circles around it with his fingers as he took one of her nipples into his mouth.

Sakura knew about orgasms from basic sex ed in school, but when Xiaolang slid down and began to lick at the area between her thighs, she began to understand what they really were. Abandoning herself to the sensations he was arousing in her, she moaned louder, calling out his name. Xiaolang chuckled; this was the happiest he'd been in all those miserable years, and he loved Sakura so much. He thrust his tongue into her wetness and moved it in and out as Sakura's hips bucked in time with his thrusts.

And then she was shuddering; Xiaolang watched her face. Sakura was even more beautiful with her face lit up in ecstasy. He loved her, loved the way she tasted, loved the way she was calling his name—not Syaoran's!—and how she was no longer pushing him away when they were intimate.

When Sakura's orgasm finished, she urged Xiaolang back up, and began to kiss him gently. She felt she would burst from loving him, and she wanted to give pleasure back to him. So she rose up and began to explore his body as well; Xiaolang lay back and gave himself up to the sensations she aroused. Sakura curiously kissed his broad shoulders, stroked his chest with her hands, and giggled when her hands found his manhood again.

"We're so different," she said softly as she caressed it.

"Isn't that a good thing, Sakura?" Xiaolang smiled, then he closed his eyes and moaned when she began to knead him with her small hands. Then—though he'd been expecting it—when she took him in her mouth, he gasped.

Sakura wasn't sure why she knew how to move her lips over his shaft, to suck on it, and to lick at the head until tiny drops of salty-bitter moisture appeared. She had a vague memory of doing this before...to Xiaolang?... Yes, it was to him, there was no one else! But she felt powerful and beautiful when he moved his hips to slide himself deeper into her mouth, and moaned, "Sakura!" over and over.

_**Why doesn't he call me 'Blossom'? **_She remembered being intimate with someone who called her Blossom...and there was no one else but Xiaolang. Again she pushed the thoughts away; their lovemaking was too delicious to stop now.

When Xiaolang felt his peak coming, he raised himself and began to kiss Sakura instead. He picked her up, and since the books he'd read said that women on top of men when making love reached more orgasms while allowing the male to delay his own, he sat up, then kissed her hard, his tongue swirling in her mouth, as he began to slide himself into Sakura as she sat astride him.

She closed her eyes, and he continued to kiss her. The last thing Xiaolang expected, though, was to encounter a soft, fleshy barrier inside Sakura, and for her to cry out in pain and collapse against him.

_**How was it possible!? **_Xiaolang knew she had been intimate with Syaoran...she had even been pregnant with his child. But he laid Sakura back on the bed, pulling himself out of her...and he saw the blood on himself.

"Oh god no," he whispered. "I'm sorry!"

Sakura opened her eyes. "No. Please...don't stop," she whispered.

"Are you sure?" Xiaolang was quite worried now.

In response, Sakura pulled his hips back down, and he slid into her again, this time with him on top of her. She was so warm, soft, and tight... He never knew when he started moving into her, but she was biting her lower lip... In a while though, she opened her mouth because the pain had turned into pleasure. Xiaolang had not read anything that covered handling a virgin in bed—he'd thought he wouldn't need it as Sakura had been Syaoran's wife, after all—and so he had, by instinct, decided to stimulate her pleasure bud as he was sliding in and out of her. It worked; her wetness flowed, easing his passage into her.

"I love you, Sakura," Xiaolang said softly into her ear as he made love to her for the first time...and for some reason, it was her first time as well. The miracle made him feel so much better—and her passionate responses were heaven for him. With each thrust into her warm, yielding wetness, Xiaolang gasped her name. Surely this was love, he thought, and he kissed her over and over.

Sakura was lost in Xiaolang, and whispered back, "I love you so much, Xiaolang!" He was inside of her; they were doing it, making love, being one...and she moved against him happily as waves of sensation brought her to a peak of pleasure several times; she had not imagined how much she would enjoy it. Soon he tensed, and tried to pull out of her; Sakura, though, had locked her legs around his hips as she was in thr throes of her own orgasm, and so Xiaolang spilled himself inside of her.

They lay that way for a while, quietly enjoying being joined together so intimately. Xiaolang caressed her face gently, and began to kiss her; Sakura kissed him back.

"That was something," Sakura smiled, then giggled. Xiaolang stroked her cheek; how he had missed her laughter, her eyes, her smile!

"Now you have to marry me," Xiaolang chuckled.

"Why wouldn't I?" Sakura asked curiously.

Xiaolang didn't reply; instead he held her close and savored her nearness. Then, "Don't you want us to make love for real? In the real world?" As if to convince her of the need for it, he began to lick her earlobes and neck; he'd seen how much she enjoyed it earlier.

Sakura closed her eyes and sighed as she enjoyed his ministrations. A long pause, then, "Yes."

Xiaolang smiled. "That's my Sakura," he said gently. "I love you," he said, the emotion brimming in his voice.

"I love you too, Xiaolang," Sakura caressed his cheek. "As soon as we get back to Tomoeda, I want to be your wife." Xiaolang's heart leapt, and he nuzzled her gently.

"Your brother will murder me," he laughed softly at the thought of Touya's face.

"He won't. I'll protect you," she said.

"You just made me...oh Sakura!" His heart swelled with joy. She had said it, not him.

"But first?" Sakura moved her hips teasingly; inside her, Xiaolang hardened again. "Can we...please, make love again, Xiaolang?"

"Anything you like, Sakura," and he began to kiss her.

* * *

**Syaoran Watching, 4**

By the viewing pool back at Yuko's home, Syaoran stood, watching as Xiaolang and Sakura began to make love. Not a sound escaped his lips; no expression save the cold blank look on his face could be seen.

Xiaolang made love differently from him, Syaoran could see. Sometimes Syaoran and Sakura had rushed, sometimes they had played. But—and Syaoran knew not how the other young man knew—Xiaolang took his time and savored Sakura. How did he know what had taken Syaoran and Sakura a few sessions of lovemaking to discover? And the pleasure they both derived from it made Syaoran wonder: did my inexperience bother her?

Fai watched Syaoran quietly, knowing that Syaoran's blank facade screamed of the pain he was bearing. Nothing else betrayed Syaoran's emotions when she said she'd never met Xiaolang's clone; he'd cried himself out on the last night he'd spent with her.

But when Xiaolang entered Sakura, she cried out in pain; they both saw as Xiaolang pulled out of Sakura in shock and found blood on himself. Syaoran bowed his head quietly. A tiny twitch was all that escaped him when he realized that the erasure of his memories with her included even that. The dream world's reality depended on the dreamer...and without memories of him...

Fai didn't have to look at Syaoran to know that this hurt him more than any sword-stroke or physical punishment—that Sakura was not remembering Syaoran as she and Xiaolang made love. He'd already gone through that with the Princess at the beginning of their long journeys... And now he had to go through it again.

Little did Fai know that Syaoran had closed his eyes to remember the last time he had spoken to Sakura. He'd admired her strength, despite knowing they were to be parted, and he had sworn then to do no less than to die for her, if need be.

And he was beginning to see something that Xiaolang could not see: how to get Sakura out of her dream world.

* * *

Sakura and Xiaolang had made love through the night, happy with the chance they had been given, happy in each other. Sakura was getting better at pushing her odd memories away, because the reality of Xiaolang's presence was filling an emptiness inside her.

_**I love him so, **_she thought, as she snuggled in his embrace. His naked skin against hers, his steady breathing, his warm scent of pine..._**this is what I was looking for when I used to cast Mirror to try and pretend he was there.**_

She could not imagine loving anyone but him; she consciously dismissed the strange images and visions she had as fancies of her mind. Silly things to be put away, now that Xiaolang, her beloved, was here. In the moonlight, she bent over him and kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, memorizing the curves of his face, stroking his chest. Feelings she could not describe crowded in her head, and she felt a hollow ache dissipating in her heart.

Nestling her head in the crook of his arm, she finally fell asleep.

When they woke up in each other's arms, Xiaolang was thrilled when Sakura wordlessly turned to him and began to kiss him; they made love again, and this time they were able to try different positions, each bringing Sakura to peaks of ecstasy before Xiaolang finally allowed himself to reach his own.

They had bathed together, and Xiaolang allowed himself to be playfully lured into a soap battle; when she found herself losing because Xiaolang knew how to make plenty of bubbles from soap, Sakura had cheated and overwhelmed him with her Bubble card. Xiaolang was laughing hard for the first time Sakura could remember, and when she Erased the bubbles, he pulled her close.

"You know, I missed this so much. Laughing with you. Just being with you," he said, as he nuzzled her.

"What makes you think I didn't miss you?" Sakura kissed his nose over and over.

Xiaolang suppressed a wince; he realized he would have to ask the Witch to erase his memories of Syaoran, if it was possible, once he was back in his world with Sakura.

My Sakura, he thought happily. His now, forever; Syaoran's memories in Sakura would fade, the Witch had said, so long as Syaoran stayed away...and Xiaolang knew the other young man would do so.

Or so he thought.

They prepared a simple breakfast together, and prepared to use the scroll to leave the dream world. Sakura had one arm around Xiaolang's waist, and he smiled down at her and kissed her right before he cast the spell; his magical symbol appeared beneath him, and he held on to Sakura tight.

But something was wrong. He was being pulled into the void, but Sakura was not moving. Her eyes were panicky. "What's wrong, Xiaolang?"

"I don't know!" He desperately groped for a solution, but he was pulled back...He screamed Sakura's name, then vanished, leaving Sakura standing alone, confused.

"Xiaolang?" She looked around her; he wasn't there. "Xiaolang!" Sakura sank to her knees and began to cry. He was gone. Again.

Pain like she had never known, almost a physical ache, overwhelmed Sakura. _**It's not fair!**_ she wailed in her mind over and over until she was actually screaming the words. She had been given a week of heaven with the man she loved, only to have him ripped away again. She screamed his name over and over, even tried to cast Return to bring him back...and when nothing worked, she sank to the ground in a small ball of misery, crying hard. "I want him back...Please give him back to me," she cried again and again.

She was alone once more, and she had no idea if anyone was coming for her this time.

* * *

**Syaoran...and the Princess...Watching**

Fai and Syaoran watched in horror as Xiaolang was ripped from Sakura yet again. Syaoran clenched his fists when Sakura began to cry, hard. He could see the misery on her face; he'd never seen her so broken, so devastated. _**I cannot let this be!**_

Could he return Xiaolang to her somehow?

No...she had to leave the dream world. But if Xiolang couldn't do it...why had she been left behind? Then he remembered what he had.

"Fai-san?" Syaoran abruptly rent the silence with his hoarse voice.

"Yes, Syaoran-kun?"

"I hold...half of Sakura's soul...because of the spell she cast...in the dream world...the one in Nihon," Syaoran said slowly. "That's why I am here now. But...I remember a spellbook I once read...when a soul is divided, there are certain...effects? Consequences?"

"Mmm," Fai mused. "Of course I never studied soulweaving nor soulgathering, let alone soulsplitting. But yes, people with incomplete souls do suffer ill effects. Remember the clone Princess who traveled with us? What happened in the Tokyo with the acid rain?"

"I could not come back to myself when she touched me because her soul...her soul was..." Syaoran stood still, wheels turning in his mind, his eyes screwed shut in concentration. Then he turned pale. He opened his eyes when he realized something. He quickly left the room, much to Fai's surprise, and tore down the hall.

Just as he thought...Xiaolang lay unconscious beside Sakura, the red cord that had bound him to her untied.

Though he knew the consequences, Syaoran made his decision quickly, without hesitation. He went to the Witch's rooms.

In the next room, the Princess twitched. As she slept, the Princess was beginning to reintegrate her memories. She now understood that she had been cloned, and she carried memories both from her clone and her own memories.

And she began to see how her clone had fallen in love with Syaoran as well. Though she was innocent of memories of pain and trauma, she was thrown into anguish as she watched her clone suffer the pain of being abandoned by Syaoran in the ruined world. How cold he had been! She wept with her clone as she watched him leave.

Then she came to the memory of Syaoran making love to her, and she saw it through different eyes. How had he known that she would conceive? She could feel the life fluttering in her womb, and it was a comforting presence.

But when Syaoran had made love to her...seeing it again now, he had been in agony. And she had a vague memory of him weeping after they had made love.

What was wrong?

And now his presence: it had come into the room next to hers, then vanished. She realized that she knew where he was going.

_**I must wake up!**_

But her eyes refused to open. The Princess fought hard against the heaviness in her eyes. Her clone had once woken up too late to save Syaoran...and she did not intend to suffer the same fate.

_**I must wake and save him!**_

Instead, she found she was in someone else's dream. _**This is why I cannot wake; the dream is not my own, **_she realized. She was formless, and she watched another girl, so like herself, as she cried herself to sleep.

And she watched as a portal opened near the other girl.

* * *

Night had fallen before Sakura realized she had fallen asleep out in the cold. She picked herself up, sniffled a little, then prepared to go back into her house, where she and Xiaolang had been standing before...

And then she felt what seemed like his presence, and whipped around.

There he was, standing at her gate, just the same as the first time he'd entered the dream world.

"Xiaolang-kun?" she asked, scared that any movement might drive him away.

He seemed to wince, then he said, "Sorry. The spell...it backfired." His tone was different; it was gentler, huskier...and he looked at her regretfully. "But I came back for you."

His amber gaze was fierce and determined, scaring her slightly, but the love within as well comforted Sakura. She rejoiced at his return, and when he opened his arms, she threw herself into them.

And another name...what he had once told her his name meant...it was Xiaolang who had said it, wasn't it?

"Wolf...Oh Wolf..." she murmured into his chest.

She never saw him smile, never saw the single tear that strayed from one eye at what she had called him.

"I'm here, Blossom," he said softly. "Only death will part us now." And he bent down to kiss her.

It was gentle, a longing, sweet kiss, like he hadn't seen her in a long time. And for some reason...Sakura knew this kiss. It was the one she had been searching for: the kiss that began slowly and tenderly then became sweet and deep. And she rejoiced.

But somewhere at the corner of her mind, a sense of something horrible to come still loomed...

* * *


End file.
